


Unmasked

by Jazz_2_chess



Series: Unleashed [1]
Category: DCU
Genre: Background Relationships, Batfamily (DCU), Canon-Typical Violence, Dancing, Developing Relationship, Dick Grayson is Nightwing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Jason Todd is Red Hood, M/M, Misunderstandings, Past Character Death, Self Confidence Issues, Slow Burn, Trauma, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:53:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 58,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25409491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jazz_2_chess/pseuds/Jazz_2_chess
Summary: Gotham will fall.If its heroes are unmasked, one by one, crime and terror will be unleashed like never before. The Bats are suddenly confronted with a city turning on them, turning on itself.All Jason wants, is for Dick to look at him, see him, beyond the trauma and the pain.All Dick wants, is for Jason to let him.
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Jason Todd & Damian Wayne
Series: Unleashed [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1940515
Comments: 27
Kudos: 165





	1. See me...

**Author's Note:**

> Back again.
> 
> I really hope you enjoy this story and leave kudos & comments. I live to read your thoughts and opinions so please feel free to use the comment section to its full extent.

> _Darkness shields as much as it threatens._

_“Because you’re a hot-headed, stubborn idiot!”_

The door of the restaurant fell close behind him. Good. Let it. At least, they weren’t causing a scene in Dick’s favourite burger joint. That would be awkward to walk back into. 

“Right back at ya’, Goldie!” Jason didn’t even pause before quipping back at him. Dick would have been impressed if he wasn’t so thoroughly annoyed. Why did every meeting always have to end in a fight?

“God! Why do you always have to be so- so-”

So infuriating.

So handsome.

So unavailable.

So _scared_. 

Because this was Jason, a voice in his head reminded him. He’s Jason and you wouldn’t want him any other way.

“So what?” Of all the options available, Dick chose one that didn’t give anything away. Jason wouldn’t want to hear it anyway. Maybe someday, if Dick was lucky, but not right now. 

“So goddamn irritating!”

“That’s rich coming from you!”

_Oh really?  
_

“At least I don’t turn tail every time a conversation gets even a little bit serious!”

“Fuck you!” Just like expected. 

“Really creative, Jay! Of all the things you could have said and yet, the only retort you can come up with is that!” 

Jason stomped away, Dick hot on his heels. He was not about to let Jason run away again. This time, they would have to hash it out.

“We are not done!” he wasn’t afraid to resort to screeching like a harpy. 

“Yes! Yes, we are!” Jason’s voice was full of venom, spitting and spewing like a damn snake, ready to bite his head off. But Dick wasn’t having it. 

“You can’t just run away every time!” 

“Watch me!” 

“No!” Dick refused to back down on this. He had spent a lifetime watching Jason’s retreating back and he was so damn sick of it. With a swift move, he turned Jason around, shoving him against the wall before Jason’s fight or flight instinct could kick in. The only reason why that even remotely worked was because Jason had obviously not expected it. Dick thanked his lucky starts that Jason had turned up at the joint without his guns, otherwise, there would be a hole in Dick’s head and his brain splattered against the side walk.

Or maybe not.

If Dick was right and Jason did like him-

“Don’t make me break your arm, Dick!” Jason snarled, voice low, eyes flashing like an animal ready to pounce. And Dick wasn’t far behind. His grip turned iron around Jason’s arm. He was pleased to see Jason shift uncomfortably. At least, they were still on even footing. 

“I said, we’re not done!” Dick pressed out between his teeth. God, Jason riled him up like nobody else ever could. And not always in the good way.

“And I said, we are,” Dick should have seen it coming, but had, in fact, not. He had been too caught up in his own head, too mesmerised by the way Jason was breathing shallowly.

He missed Jason pushing forward, switching their places in an instant. Dick barely had time to prepare himself for the inevitable impact, before he connected hard with the wall. For just a second, Jason’s eyes flashed green. Dick was about to say something, admit defeat even, when he saw Jason breathing out forcefully. His hold on Dick loosened just enough for Dick to know that he wasn’t in any serious danger. Yet, his frantically beating heart wouldn’t slow down, like it knew, danger was just around the corner. A different kind of danger though, a little more delicate.

Dick searched Jason’s eyes again, just to be sure that green tinge was gone. They were separated by a hair at most, Jason’s breath hot on Dick’s lips. The air around them seemed to crackle with tension.

And then, without either of them knowing which had made the first move, their lips clashed. Dick gasped at the contact, wholly unprepared. He recovered from the shock quickly, though, seeing as kissing Jason had been his goal for a lot longer than he wanted to admit. Jason’s lips, despite the aggressive start, were soft against his, pliant almost. Dick let his hands rest on Jason’s chest, glad Jason had let go of his wrists entirely. He used that new-found freedom to bury his fingers in Jason’s shirt, pulling him in. Jason made a sound in the back of his throat so close to a moan that Dick felt his heart do a weird tumble in his chest.

He let his left hand curl around Jason’s neck and-

A flash of light made him draw back suddenly.

_“Fuck!”_

Dick shared the sentiment. Because that flash? That was a camera. And it belonged to a reporter of the Gotham Gazette.

Jason acted before Dick could do so much as blink, stumbling back and wiping his mouth in an entirely unattractive manner. Dick had half a mind to be offended, when he heard someone clear their throat.

“A statement, Mr. Grayson?” The reporter asked, a shit-eating grin on his face that Dick felt the strong urge to bash in. Jason, meanwhile, was almost down the street, more running than walking.

God, the guy was fast. Dick had to give him that. On the other hand, the realisation settled that Dick would have to track him down now. Again. Knowing Jason that could turn into a herculean feat remarkably quick. If Jason really wanted to disappear, there would be no finding him. Dick sighed, scrubbed his face. 

“Mr. Grayson?” Ah yes, of course. Because his life had to be like that. 

“Yes?” Dick asked through his teeth, hoping to convey without actually having to say it that the reporter should leave him the fuck alone if he wanted to still be in business come tomorrow. The reporter, however, either didn’t seem to get the hint or chose to ignore it.

“Wasn’t that-”

But he didn’t get farther than this.

“If you mention his name- now or in that article you’re about to write, I will make you regret it.” He didn’t usually have to threaten people but this situation was somehow both more serious and completely out of left field. 

“So it was…” the reporter scribbled down something in a notebook, “thought he was dead…”

Dick was done. Utterly done. Those words just set something off in his head that he didn’t have the mental capacity to figure out at the moment. And not only did that idiot ruin his first kiss with Jason, but he also could cause some serious security issues.

“You know who I am,” Dick started, taking on that threatening growl all the batkids had learned.

“Of course, Mr. Grayson.”

He hated having to do this but this smug asshole left him no choice.

“Then you know who my father is.”

“Yes.”

“If you decide not to comply with my wishes, I will have him take a long look at your career and it will be the last time you will find work inside or outside of Gotham. Are we clear?”

Dick felt awful, sleazy, like the smug brat everyone saw in him. He felt like Bruce Wayne’s son.

“I’ll take my chances, Mr. Grayson.” With that, the rat was off, sprinting to a car and leaving Dick behind, completely dumbfounded.

It took him a moment longer to collect his thoughts, but then, he was off too, in the direction of Wayne Manor.

* * *

Barely ten minutes later and Jason reached his safehouse. He breath came too fast, which had nothing to do with sprinting up the stairs. The taste of Dick’s lips still lingered on his lips, burned even. He rubbed at his own until blood smeared on the back of his hand.

That kiss.

That damn kiss.

He should have never let that happen. Of all the things, kissing Dick was so far out of his comfort zone, it would have been funny if it weren’t for the fact that Jason was doomed. Utterly.

His fist connected hard with the wall, knuckles bursting upon impact. Jason didn’t even feel the sting.

They had been arguing, for god’s sake. Good old arguing. Like they had had argued so many times before. Jason had no idea where it all went to shit. All he knew was that suddenly Dick was too close, so close that Jason could feel him breathe against his lips. A shiver wrecked him at the memory of Dick’s darkening eyes.

 _No,_ he scolded himself. 

That was not something he could allow himself to think about.

This had been a mistake. He needed to make sure, Dick knew that. Couldn’t let that idiot believe it was something more, that it was even relevant. They had both been too riled up to think properly. There was nothing going on. _Nothing_.

Jason refused to acknowledge the raging fire that had been ignited in his chest when Dick had pressed himself against Jason, too passionate to refuse, too all-consuming to back away from.

And then, without either of them seeing him approach, that damn paparazzo had interrupted. Jason curled his fists again. He could vividly imagine the headlines.

_Dick Grayson’s new fling_

_Dick Grayson finally off the market?_

Or something equally horrifying. Why did Dick have to be such a heartthrob? Known all over Gotham for his playboy charm and vibrant smile. Jason really had outdone himself on this one. He should have never even talked to the idiot. Let alone fall for him.

And he sure as hell didn’t want to be another one of Dick’s playthings, another notch in his bedpost.

As far as Jason was concerned, that kiss would never be talked about. A lapse of judgment, a glitch. Hell, maybe the cook had poisoned their burgers.

 _Anything_ , he thought to himself, _anything but the truth_. 

* * *

Sometimes, like today, Dick forgot, in the middle of the fight, what it was they had been arguing about in the first place. Maybe that should worry him, but, matter of fact was, it didn’t. Because arguing meant that Jason was there, present, not fifty miles away hiding in some excuse for a safehouse. They had come far, he mused. After some time, Jason had refrained from actively maiming any bats, even though in Bruce’ case that depended on the day. Tim, unsurprisingly, had been the first to manage a real conversation with Jason without guns being drawn. Dick had soon followed.

It really had been anything but deliberate. Falling for Jason. But here they were. Some years after that dreadful night Dick still couldn’t fully remember. And Dick _had_ fallen, head over heels. It could have been glorious, if not for the small set back that Dick didn’t know if Jason felt the same. There were days, he imagined a glint in Jason’s eyes, a glimmer, reflecting back at him that spoke of something more. But others, others Dick didn’t know what to think. Others, Jason disappeared without looking back, his eyes a vicious green while he spewed insults at everyone in his way.

He had eased though, Dick had to admit. Over the years and after winning back some of his trust, after breaking down at least one of the steel walls in his head, Jason _had_ eased around them. He still didn’t completely trust them, would never let himself be backed into a corner like that again but Dick had seen an opening and he had used it. And there were even times when he and Jason could have a civil dinner.

Sometimes, on patrol, Nightwing was joined by Red Hood, backing him up without any reason other than wanting to. Dick smiled fondly at those memories. He would do anything to keep Jason. Not only to himself but deeply rooted in the family, where he belonged. But Jason was and had always been a little, well, hard to grasp.

Dick understood, as far as that was possible. He tried to listen when Jason let slip a memory or two of his time after his death. It was still incomprehensible to Dick; what Jason had gone through.

His fingers clenched around the phone.

Right, he mustn’t let the memories get to him. That would only make his day worse. Having a physical reminder of the dilemma they were in, Dick decided to take a chance and inform Jason of what had occurred. Over text, of course, since Jason wouldn’t have picked up anyway.

_The paparazzo recognised you. I’m talking to B but if that doesn’t work, we’ll have to do something._

He dearly hoped, Jason wouldn’t run and hide after reading that message. He would understand if he did but it would be really inconvenient. Dick just wished, it hadn’t happened. Jason was feeling much safer now that everyone thought him dead and Dick had cost him that. Not directly, but still.

_I’m sorry._

A reflex made him hit send and he didn’t regret it. Jason needed to know that this hadn’t been his intention and that Dick would do anything he could to stop the news from spreading. He just wished, he wouldn’t have to. If that lunch had ended just with Jason kissing him, it would have been great. But the universe so rarely granted the bats their wishes that Dick wasn’t even surprised.

As it turned out, Dick didn’t have to wait long for an answer.

_I’ll handle it._

What? What did that mean?

Dick wasn’t sure, he liked the sound of that. Jason handling stuff ended poorly most of the times. Not that he didn’t do his job well, that nobody could deny. But Jason also tended to resort to violence when it was really not needed. And Dick couldn’t quite condone that. Not even if he wanted to bash in that rat’s head himself.

_What do you mean, you’ll handle it?_

He didn’t have to wait long for an answer, almost smiling to himself when he realised, Jason had already known Dick would want clarification.

_What I said, Goldie._

He rolled his eyes. That nickname really didn’t sit well with him. It reminded him of privilege, of the headlines, of all the negatives he had wanted to escape when taking on his second mantle.

_If B doesn’t get it under control, I’ll drive over there and do it myself._

_You want help?_

Dick knew, realistically, that his chances were slim. After Jason’s hasty retreat, he was fairly sure, he wouldn’t see Jason for the better part of a month. Until Jason was ready to see him again.

_Nah, I’m good._

Just as expected. Still, something twisted in Dick’s chest, something dark and ugly. He clamped down on it, refusing to let himself go there again. They had come quite far already and he would not doubt Jason again.

That had been some rocky months. Now, he trusted that Jason would re-appear once he cooled down enough. Maybe Dick could get Tim to talk to him, give him some confirmation that Jason was okay and not in another pit episode. Those did happen every now and then. But usually, Jason had them under control, saw them coming even and could prevent the worst of it.

Dick shook himself, returning to the conversation at hand – if you could call it that.

 _See you around, Jay_ , he sent, promptly feeling stupid before flinging his head down on the bed. He was a little anxious about Jason’s reply, so anxious, in fact that he felt it easier not to look at his screen.

Everything in him ached to ask Jason about the kiss, to talk to him face to face.

He snorted.

Yeah, like that would ever happen.

Jason was probably half-way over to Ivy’s, asking for a little drug or other to erase his memory.

* * *

Jason was not half-way over to Ivy’s.

He had given it some thought, but had come to the conclusion that it would do more harm than good. It would scream “embarrassing crush on pseudo-brother” louder than doing nothing at all, so, despite his initial reflex to get the hell out of Gotham, he stayed put.

Granted, even though the idea of texting Dick after the debacle this afternoon freaked him out, he still did it. Mainly because he couldn’t very well be involved in a scandal with his actual name attached to it. At least, Dick had let him know that rat had recognised him. It wasn’t a huge sign of affection, but it counted as a peace offering in Jason’s opinion.

He regretted having lost control like that in more ways than one. Getting heated because of Bruce’ new patrol plan wasn’t really being on his best behaviour. And to think that he had gone into this meeting with an open mind. It was his fault, Jason was well aware. Dick had insisted on Jason taking off two nights a week, with Tim and Damian alternating his route instead on Bruce’ request. Maybe it was that. Bruce’ request.

Maybe that had set him off.

It had hit differently this time, that Bruce wanted him to take time off. Jason vividly remembered their heated conversation – or yelling match – after Jason’s last mission had turned out life threatening. It had been his own fault. He hadn’t had a good night’s sleep for a week, had gone in underfed and exhausted and hadn’t seen the trap for what it was.

After struggling on his own for a good fifteen minutes precariously dangling over the edge of a bridge, he had finally swallowed his pride and had sent an emergency call to Tim. Unfortunately for him, Bruce had overheard his cry for help and had forbidden Tim from leaving the cave. Jason could still feel the disappointment in Bruce’ gaze when he had pulled Jason up and out of harm’s way.

The lecture that had followed was hard to forget, despite Jason’s best efforts. Bruce had nagged him ever since to change his patrol plans and divide the ground they had to cover between them but Jason had refused. He had talked to Roy for a switch of shifts to gather his strength but that had been it.

Or so he had thought.

Because Bruce being Bruce and also being far too observant, had sent Dick for a harmless little lunch meeting. Jason should have smelled it on Dick the second he had greeted Jason with that huge smile on his face that was too alluring to be fair. Jason, completely blindsided by his crush on the Dickhead, had promptly flown into one of his rages when Dick told him the reason for the meeting.

He had felt so humiliated by Bruce and Dick alike. They obviously knew, he liked Dick far more than was appropriate and had used it for their advantage. But Jason had stormed out before Dick could even finish. And then that kiss had happened and now Jason was more confused than ever.

If he considered that Dick had kissed him back, that meant, he was at least attracted to Jason, right?

But if so, why would he follow through with Bruce’ plan to trick him into changing patrols?

So, despite his first instinct to disappear from the face of the earth and never ever look Dick in the eye again, he did not follow through. Instead, he texted Dick to let him know, those pictures would not be printed no matter what. Even if Bruce’ influence didn’t do the trick, the Red Hood surely would.

His breath came a little short when Dick asked if he wanted help but he refused to let himself be tempted. Distance, he reminded himself.

Distance was what they needed right now.

Otherwise, he would make an ass out of himself and become a stuttering, blushing mess.

And he would rather die again than show Dick this side of him.

* * *

Dick _really_ didn’t want to bring up the issue with Bruce. But chances were, Bruce was going to see the pictures, so there was no point in trying to hide them in the first place. Dick hadn’t meant for them to come out to Bruce like this. It was a surreal situation, really. They weren’t even what anyone would call an item and yet there was photographic evidence of them kissing. How he was supposed to explain that one to Bruce was beyond him.

_Actually…_

Now that he thought about it, there was a way to avoid that situation entirely. Or at least, it was a fair shot at avoiding it.

“Timmy?” okay, that was probably laying it on too thick, judging by the suspicious look Tim threw him. But Dick wanted to start this off putting his best foot forward. And not even Tim could say “no” to Dick’s pleading voice.

“What did you do?” 

“What? I didn’t do anything.”

“Yes. Or you wouldn’t call me Timmy. You obviously screwed up big time and don’t want to involve Bruce but you need help to get it straightened out.”

“Uhm.” Yeah what exactly could he say to that other than that Tim was one hundred percent on the money. Again.

“What. Did. You. Do.” Dick was about to answer, having to mull it over in his head a few times to grasp the most delicate explanation when Tim sighed.

“Dick,” Tim pinched the bridge of his nose in a mannerism that was so similar to Bruce, it could have been him sitting there.

“I’ve been awake for 36 hours, five minutes and twenty – no – twenty-one seconds and I’m halfway into my fourteenth coffee. Either you tell me what you want me to do or you let me continue to fail at staying awake in peace.”

“Someone took a picture of me and I need it gone.” Dick said, wanting to get it over with and also a bit concerned about Tim’s sleeping habits. Not that either of those thoughts were new to him.

“You don’t usually bother with that.”

“I do now,” he couldn’t quite keep the aggravation out of his voice. 

“No need to get defensive. I’m just pointing out that it’s odd.”

“Can you do it?” straight to the point. Tim usually appreciated people being direct with him. However, today was obviously an exception.

“I sure can. But I won’t. Not unless you tell me why you’re so up in arms about it.”

“Tim-” He really didn’t want to discuss it. The less he talked about it, the less Jason would think it necessary to disappear again. If Dick let Jason think there was something to it, he wouldn’t see him for the next twenty years.

“No. That’s my price. If you want it gone so badly there has to be something on it. It’s either embarrassing or important. I want to know which.”

“Why can’t you just do it? I’ll even get you a coupon from Starbucks if you want.” Tim almost smiled at the poorly concealed bribe. But the smile vanished instantly in favour of a more serious expression. The one he adopted for criminals he wanted to dissect. 

“So, it’s important then.”

“What- no, it’s-” but it felt wrong denying it. Because Jason _was_ important. 

“Look,” Tim started and it sounded like he was about to meet Dick somewhere in the middle, “I’m going to see it anyway. I’m just- I want to hear it from you first because there is a reason you didn’t go to Bruce and I want to know what exactly it is I’m getting involved in before I do it.”

“So you will? You’ll do it?”

“Yes.”

Realising that, one, Tim wouldn’t let it go unless he got an explanation and two, he deserved one, Dick decided to rip the metaphorical bandage right off.

“It shows me kissing someone.”

Tim scoffed, rolling his eyes “So what? Would hardly be a first.”

“It’s different, this time.”

“Why?” 

Dick’s face must have done something because Tim suddenly sat up straight, eyes narrowing. Dick was sure, with a sudden kick to the gut, that Tim had just had an epiphany. And those were rarely good for anyone but Tim.

“Oh my God.” 

“What?” Because he couldn’t have figured it out, right? He couldn’t know just from that-

“Jason,” Tim breathed like out with glee in his eyes “It’s Jason on that picture!”

“How- why- _how_ on earth do you know that?” There was no point denying. Tim _knew_ , Dick could see it clearly.

Tim, though, ignored him or hadn’t really listened because he muttered to himself “Well, it makes sense, I suppose…”

“What makes sense?”

“That one day something like this was going to happen. You’ve been pining for him since forever and he wanted you since before he died. It’s really just been a matter of time until one of you slipped up,” he paused, a grin forming on his lips that looked like the cat that got the cream.

“But I am really curious.”

“What- what about?”

“Which one of you did the slipping?” Judging by the full-blown, shit-eating grin on Tim’s face, he was toying with Dick. That didn’t make the situation better though, not really. Dick had a lot to unpack here.

“You knew?”

“What? That you want him?” 

“Yeah,” Dick croaked, not used to being so transparent. The fact that Tim had implied Jason wanted him back hadn’t quite reached his brain yet. 

“Uhm, Dick you know how you look at him, right? There is no way you thought that was subtle.”

“I-” No, in truth he hadn’t thought, he was being subtle at all but he had dearly hoped no one would really look.

“Oh, he’s gone for you too, by the way. If you were wondering…” Tim continued like Dick wasn’t completely losing it right now. Granted, just because Tim thought Jason liked him didn’t mean Jason actually did but Dick would take his chances.

“You think so?” 

“Uhm yes? Don’t you?” 

“I don’t know…”

“Now that’s just sad,” Tim shook his head, typing away on the computer again, “I would have thought you of all people would know when someone likes you.”

Dick was about to come to his own defence when Tim added “But then again, it’s different with him, isn’t it?”

Without meaning to, Dick agreed. It was different. _Jason_ was different.

“If you want my advice… I actually don’t think there’s anything you can do to screw this up.”

“But if that picture gets out…”

“First of all, I don’t appreciate you doubting my abilities. I told you, I can get it done and I will,” Dick didn’t need to see Tim’s face to know he was scowling at the screen.

“And second of all, even if that photo got published, he would be mad at you for a week or two and that’d be it.”

Dick didn’t feel quite as confident in Jason’s willingness to forgive.

“By the way… who made the first move?”

“Tim!”

“What? We’ve all been invested in this since he came back for good. I deserve to know…”

For the moment, Dick chose not to dissect the “we” part in Tim’s statement and instead focussed on the question at hand. Mainly because he wasn’t as sure as he had been before that it had been him who had made the first move. He just couldn’t remember leaning in that far.

“I think- I think we both did…”

“See… there you have it. He’s just as into you as you’re into him. Or do you think Jason would have let you kiss him without either a threat of bodily harm or him shoving you into a wall?”

“No.” Especially, since Jason’s impulse control when something pissed him off or triggered him was beyond frail. Tim’s shoulder went up at that admission, like he wanted to say “there you go” and Dick actually agreed. The revelation made him excited, even a little giddy.

“By the way…” he snapped out of his daydreaming, “the pic’s gone.” Dick’s eyes widened, he stumbled forward, unable to really comprehend what Tim was saying.

“What?”

“It’s gone. I hacked his accounts.” Tim got up, the screen turning black, and walked towards the stairs.

“Wait- what about the actual photo?”

“Well, I believe that’s your territory. I’m not really fit for any missions right now.” As if to make a point, he yawned loudly and wiped his eyes.

“I held up my end of the bargain. For erasing the physical evidence, I trust your expertise.” Dick would have been mad if Tim hadn’t worded it the way he had.

“Maybe you can get Jason to help you. Would be a great first date.” He was about to tell Tim where to shove it and that they weren’t even close to going on a date, when Tim yelled over his shoulder “Not counting the hundreds of times the of you went for dinner or a movie or on patrol or God knows what else you’ve been doing all those years.”

He skipped up the stairs, leaving Dick with a flaming face and an open mouth feeling rather embarrassed at being so transparent.

* * *

The clock refused to stop ticking. In its monotony, it was driving Jason up the walls. Maybe he should have bought one that wasn’t this loud. If it could just stop ticking for one minute. One goddamn minute. That’s all he was asking. So that he could calm his frantically beating heart. He had been waiting for two hours since Dick’s last message.

Surely, Bruce would have managed to get hold of that photo by now, right? This shouldn’t have taken so long. What if he banned Dick from ever talking to Jason again? Was he supposed to take the silence as his dismissal?

He contemplated texting Dick again but ultimately decided against it. If he was wrong and Dick was still working on it then he would sound desperate for attention and nagging too. And if there was one thing, he didn’t want Dick to think it was that Jason didn’t trust him to get stuff handled. For the record, Jason did trust that Dick could, he just didn’t trust that Bruce would be all that forthcoming.

His heart nearly leapt out of his chest when instead of his text message alert, his phone started playing Dick’s ring tone.

Yes, he had a ringtone for each member of his pseudo family that he didn’t really want to be a part of, sue him.

“The photo’s erased from every account he has.”

“But?” he asked, because Dick had sure sounded like there were bad news too.

“But we have to get the camera out of his apartment.”

“For fuck’s sake.” 

“I know. But Tim’s been awake for two days and I don’t want to force him to go get it when it’s our problem and he has nothing to do with it.”

“Wait a minute- hang on. Why Tim?” 

“Oh, sorry. I forgot.” You don’t say, Jason thought, rolling his eyes. It was just like Dick to skip the important part.

“I never ended up having to ask B for help.” Now that was some great fucking news. Why hadn’t Dick started with that? Jason would have been delighted. Tim knew about his feelings anyway and had been sworn to secrecy. There was no danger in that.

“I thought you would have had something to say to that,” Dick mumbled into the phone. 

“Why?” he was getting along with Tim, at least that was no secret. And as far as he could tell, Tim hadn’t blabbed to Dick about how Jason drooled every time Dick did his stretching routine. 

“Ah, I don’t know- forget I said anything…” Dick’s voice changed to something brighter when he asked “do you maybe want to get the camera together?” Jason needed a moment to think through that offer but he really itched to personally get a hand on that photo to make sure it was destroyed. And he trusted Dick to have his back, even if that didn’t extend to private matters.

Not yet anyway. Or at least not with the way Dick kept hooking up with random people. 

“Uhm- sure- if you- if you think that’s a good idea.” 

“Yeah. I don’t really feel like doing it on my own. Backup is key what with how the situation’s been lately.”

Jason couldn’t agree more. The streets seemed brimming with danger nowadays like the villains in Gotham had all decided on a masterplan together. 

Well, not all of them. Jason had it on good authority that Penguin and Riddler were on vacation in France. Which opened a can of worms no one, not even Bruce wanted to dig into.

“Meet you at one?” Oh right, Dick was still talking. Jason dearly hoped he hadn’t missed something important.

“Yeah, ‘kay.” Did he have to sound like a fifth grader?

What the hell was wrong with him?

* * *

Not only Gotham’s villains had sworn revenge on Jason tonight. It seemed the weather was in on it too. He had never been fond of rain but after his death, thunderstorms had become quite a challenge for him. And tonight, one hell of a thunderstorm was exploding over Gotham. Explosions. That’s exactly what he thought of when he heard that distant rumbling. And he really didn’t want to remember that sound. Especially not with Dick around. That would only end in another round of twenty-one questions

“Hey-” apparently Dick was observant today because he pulled at Jason’s arm, “is everything alright? You seem tense- well, more tense than usual.”

“I’m fine. I just don’t like getting drenched.” Dick regarded him sceptically for another moment. Jason had to physically hold back a wince when lightning struck not too far away and painted the sky a bluish white. 

“Then come on. It’s around here.”

What kind of an idiot left their window open in the middle of the night when it was raining? You know what? Good for Jason. They climbed in, careful not to make a sound, leaving their boots on the window still to minimise the traces of water they were leaving. Dick gestured for Jason to look on the nightstand and under the bed, wherever else someone would store a camera while he searched the desk.

It took them half an hour before Jason finally got his hands on the stupid thing. It had been sitting on the kitchen isle of all places. Who kept their work equipment on the kitchen isle? Jason was appalled, he had always been an advocate for order.

Dick was the first to climb back out of the window, the memory card grasped tightly in his hands. Jason almost slipped on the wet window still but thankfully regained his balance quickly.

They made it up onto the roof of the building when suddenly, lightning struck again, accompanied by a loud growl of thunder. Jason involuntarily whipped around, cowering against the onslaught of memories entering his mind. He fought against the images trying to drown him. The smell of explosives was coating his nostrils. He tried staying on that roof, not letting himself be taken away but it didn’t work.

Another flash of light and he imagined he could see sharp metal raining down on him.

His breath came short, his head hurt.

“JASON!” Dick ripped his hands off of his ears. Jason didn’t remember putting them there. 

“What’s going on?” Dick yelled against the rain. 

“Nothing,” he managed to press out before another wave of memories hit him. The rain felt like blood pouring down on him, burning in his eyes.

“Tell me!” Jason almost didn’t hear him but when the words cut through, he gasped something that sounded vaguely like “panic attack” before he surrendered completely to the whirlwind of the past trying to pull him under.

* * *

The door fell close behind them. Thank God. Dick wasn’t sure they would make it. The floor was so slippery under his feet and Jason way too heavy to be carried. Dick had managed in the end, though he had no idea how.

If he had known Jason would react this way to a thunderstorm, he wouldn’t have asked him to come. He had been shocked to see Jason collapse like that, his heart doing a weird tumble in his chest. The few mumbled words Dick could make out against the rain were disturbing. There was no doubt in his mind that Jason was seeing the nigh he had died again and again.

Dick had decided them to get Jason back to his place. He would not leave him alone tonight, not if he could help it. If Jason had a problem with that, he could tell him once he was himself again.

The sofa promised to be large enough for Jason to fit onto, so Dick placed him there, trying to get him out of his suit. It wasn’t the first time, either of them had seen the other naked but Dick tried hard not to look. It would have been a breach of trust.

The scars did catch his eyes however because they were so pale against Jason’s chest. It would have been ironic, really, if it wasn’t so damn sad. Jason’s chest looked like lightning had struck him and to think he was afraid of that very thing made it that much crueller. Dick knew without doubt that Jason had trouble looking at himself because of what he saw in the reflection.

Wasn’t it enough that that ugly letter was all too visible on his cheek? Did he have to have the other scars too?

He shook his head, refused to let himself think of it any longer. Jason needed him with a clear head. While he got a dry shirt, he contemplated would fit Jason’s larger frame, his mind kept coming back to how Jason had behaved on that roof.

Dick was familiar with trauma, but not to this extent. He couldn’t even imagine which memories Jason was caught in. He actually didn’t want to. The Joker was terrifying enough when he wasn’t beating someone to death.

“Dick?” Oh, thank God. That sounded quite normal, if a little embarrassed. Dick could, and would gladly, live with that.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.” It must have cost him a lot of his pride to say it. 

“Not a problem.” Dick allowed his lips to curl into a soft smile and saw something almost similar on Jason’s face.

“You destroyed it?” he almost didn’t manage the whole sentence without yawning. Dick could see the strain the attack had put him under. 

“Yup.” 

“Good.” He looked peaceful when he lay on the sofa like that. Dick could have been fooled to think Jason wasn’t a vigilante but just a twenty-something college student passing out the night after cramming for exams. The sudden image shook him more than he wanted to admit. But it also gave him an idea. 

“Go to sleep, Jay.” He said it on the off-chance Jason would take the offer. 

“You don’ mind?” It was a testament to how thoroughly exhausted Jason was that he wasn’t already up and running. Dick dearly hoped, he wouldn’t in the morning.

“Do you really have to ask me that?” He made sure to let the smile show on his face so that Jason knew he was joking. It earned him a dust of pink on Jason’s cheeks.

“Guess not.”

“Night, Jay.”

Jason’s mumbled answer of “night, Big Bird” was almost too quiet. Dick watched his lashes flutter shut and his breath even out. He took off his own suit and got a blanket from the cabinet to pull over Jason’s sleeping form.

He looked so young, Dick thought, almost peaceful.

* * *

_Unbelievable!_

_The papers are full of him. Once again, I am not mentioned with one word. Of course, I have been quite busy lately. The construction work is coming along well._

_And now this._

_It is rather devastating to see what this city has come to._

_Vigilantes._

_A nest of robins, each more annoying than the predecessor. I have never seen his appeal for robins. He’s a bat for crying out loud. A little more consideration of continuity wouldn’t hurt. But then again, a guy dressed like a bat wouldn’t know aesthetics when it slapped him in the face._

_What a rewarding idea. I must write that down. A giant hammer surely could do the trick. Maybe that is a little blunt, a little on the nose?_

_Ah. Scratch it._

_There has to be something better. Something with more – well – flair. Yes, that is what I’m looking for._

_Flair._

_Dramatics._

_Everything has to be perfect. I will not chance failure again. Not this time. This plan will work. It is, I will admit, my masterpiece as of yet. Such brilliance._

_Not too fast, not too fast. There is still a lot to consider. Wouldn’t do to hurry now, would it?_

_After all, what do they say?_

_Proper preparation prevents poor performance._

* * *

“Well, if you’d let me know every once in a while, before barging in like the brat you are-” Dick had been on the way down into the cave to train a little, when he heard voices coming from inside. He didn’t exactly intend to eavesdrop but since they were almost at the point of yelling…

“I am not a brat, Drake! Quit calling me that!” 

“Or what? You’re gonna run back to Bruce and tattle on me?”

“It is not- I do not _tattle_!” it was almost – almost – hilarious, to watch Damian get so riled up that he couldn’t even form a coherent sentence. Dick had to hand it to Tim. No one besides him ever seemed to accomplish that. Then again, Tim was Dami’s trainings partner, patrol partner even. If Tim couldn’t get to Dami, no one ever would. 

“No? What are we calling it then?”

“You are an imbecile, Drake!” Just like Jason. Always with the insults. Dick smirked. He would give them a few more minutes before breaking up the argument. 

“Back to the insults! That’s always your safe route, isn’t it?” Dick agreed, silently. Not that he would ever make the mistake of saying that to Damian. He liked his head attached to his shoulders, thank you very much. But Tim was right, and all of them knew it.

Whenever Damian felt out of his depth, he resorted to insults, because one of them would hit the mark, right? One of them would hit Tim right where Damian aimed at. Either his brain or his heart. And of the two, Dick knew, the latter was the bigger target. 

“I will not engage in this nonsense!”

“Well, as far as I can see, you don’t have a choice!”

“I will walk away!” It would have been a viable threat, if not for the fact that Damian could have done so but hadn’t yet. And as far as Dick could tell, he wouldn’t now. Because walking away would make him the loser in this argument. Judging by the smirk on Tim’s face, he knew it too. 

“Nah! If you were gonna do that, you would have already! But you’re still here, aren’t you?” Tim reached out then, to ruffle Damian’s hair. Which, in Dick’s opinion, was one of his more stupid ideas.

However, Dick was surprised when Damian froze on the spot, eye twitching but remaining eerily silent. At the very least, Dick would have expected a violent outburst. What he would have never thought possible was the faint blush on Damian’s cheeks.

_Interesting._

And to make the situation even more confusing, Tim didn’t even seem to notice. He continued taunting Damian. And Damian, like nothing had happened, quipped right back.

“I will not stand for your insolence, Drake!” 

“ _My_ insolence?! Are you kidding me? Just because you’re scared of a little fire doesn’t mean-”

“I am not scared of a fire! That is not what this is about!” Dick had officially lost the point. Something must have happened on patrol to set Damian off. He didn’t usually worry about anyone and that he did worry about Tim – which was evident by the faint tremor in his voice and his overall reluctance to let this go – worried Dick in turn. 

“Oh please, enlighten me! What is this about?” Dick would pose the same question, if it wouldn’t give up his location. He knew, from first-hand experience, that bats didn’t take kindly to being listened in.

“The cameras! Do you seriously not see-”

“See what?!” 

“That your stupidity could have cost us our status!”

“Hey,” Dick stepped in between them. No result. The bickering continued like he wasn’t present.

Tim was getting red in the face, not because he was flustered, but because Damian was getting to him.

“HEY!” Dick yelled again. Two pairs of eyes turned towards him, both narrowed, both a similar shade of blue. Dick almost laughed. So different yet so alike. Just like him and Jay.

_Ugh.  
_

Nope, he reminded himself. Not thinking about that. Not thinking about that at all.

“Quit blaming each other and tell me what happened.” He couldn’t help himself. Big brother mode was activated.

“Well, thanks to him we didn’t save-”

“Thanks to me, you didn’t burn to death, Drake!”

“Children…” Dick scolded, his tone somewhere between amused and annoyed.

“A building was set on fire and we went in to save the people in there. I was doing my job when that- that idiot over there hauled me over his shoulder and dragged me out.” That must have pissed Tim off beyond reason, Dick mused. He had been slightly on edge ever since Damian had surpassed him in height. But then again, Damian had Bruce’ build and he was seventeen.

“If I have to tell you one more time that the building was coming down on us – something you obviously did not care about – and decided not to let you die for once, I will end you, Drake! I am not in the mood for such a redundant discussion!”

“You didn’t do it to save me! Don’t you dare pretend that was your motive! You mumbled some nonsense about cameras and were afraid you were going to look bad!” 

“Did it ever occur to you what those cameras can mean?”

“No!”

“Evidently not!”

“What do you mean, Dami?” Dick interfered before this could get out of hand even more. Damian sighed, loudly and very much deliberately. Dick had no doubt he was just doing it to piss off Tim.

“They were filming us. I do not know why but it seemed odd to me.”

“Why?”

“Because they were not security cameras. They were following us and I-” he cleared his throat, eyes darting towards Tim then to the ground. Dick noted it with interest. It almost looked like Damian was embarrassed.

“You were fumbling with the lighter and the gasoline and if that is caught on camera, it could look- damaging.”

So Damian had been worried about Tim’s reputation. Now that was something new. Jason would have a field day with this one.

“But I was just looking for the source,” Tim spluttered, face now flaming red but not with anger. 

“I am aware of that,” he paused, “but the cameras are not.”

“Fine.” Tim stomped away, obviously unable to comprehend what had happened and that, for once, he had actually been in the wrong. Dick had no doubt he was going to let Damian know sooner or later. For now, though, he needed to cool down.

“Don’t you think that was a little overly,” he hesitated, searching for the right word “careful of you?” Thankfully, Damian didn’t take offence. He had a contemplative look on his face.

“I do not think so. Something was irking me the entire evening.”

“Good job, little D.” Dick pulled Damian into a half-hug before continuing towards the mats. Maybe his brothers were starting to get along better. It certainly was a step in the right direction if Damian was worried about Tim’s reputation as a vigilante.

* * *

This wasn’t his kind of job. Well, technically, it was but not when he had a certain red bird by his side. Tim had refused to let him go alone, even though this kind of thing happened every other day for Jason. A shipping of firearms, how extraordinary. Except, it was really not.

The only thing even remotely interesting was that Jason had no idea who exactly had ordered the guns. Usually, he did have an inkling or heard words on the streets but this time, the entire thing was kept under covers. He only knew about it because he had overheard a conversation on patrol by sheer luck. And now, here they were, sneaking around the docks.

“You still don’t know who it’s it for?”

“No idea. Must be someone high up though.” He didn’t get an answer but took Tim’s silence as agreement. They rounded another corner, surprised that no thugs were in sight yet. Something registered as odd in Jason’s mind but he didn’t pay it too much attention yet.

“Heard the brat dragged you out of a burning building a few days ago,” Jason whispered just to have something to do while they waited for a few people to pass the spot they were hiding in.

“I swear to God; you and Dick are so annoying.” Jackpot. This was a goldmine. Jason couldn’t resist teasing Tim a little bit more. The kid was always so solemn, so put together.

“Oh, come on, I’m sure it was romantic, being carried like that.” 

“You seem to forget I have knowledge of a certain picture that you would not want Bruce to know about.” Aaand fun was officially over. Jason scoffed, hitting Tim into the side with his elbow.

Not too hard though. He was rather fond of the kid.

“Hey-” Tim pulled at his arm “do you see that?” Jason turned around just in time to see three men carry a large box into a shed. His senses were tingling, telling him they were on the right track. He motioned for Tim to get closer and followed a few seconds after. From their new spot they had a clear view of the shed.

And yep, that was their shipment.

Just, the men seemed a little too unbothered. Jason had never seen any of them before but they were transporting those boxes like it wasn’t highly illegal.

“They don’t know what’s in the boxes, do they?” Tim piped up from beside him and gave a name to the feeling in Jason’s chest.

“Probably got paid…” Jason mumbled while trying to make out exactly how many boxes were in there. The men left after their fourth trip into the shed, locking it but not the way one should a shed full of firearms. It was another alarm signal that Jason couldn’t ignore. Tim already had the lock open before Jason could advise him against it. They made sure no traps had been laid out before opening the first box.

“Holy shit!” Jason hadn’t gotten his hands on that model for years. They were almost impossible to get because of their highly illegal and very deadly firing mechanism, imported from Germany if he wasn’t wrong.

“How on earth did they get that?” 

“You know something about it?”

“The hell I do! I wanted one of those back when-” he stopped short, suddenly catapulted back into the present.

“It’s okay,” Tim sounded far too understanding and continued going through the boxes like nothing had happened. Jason instantly set the gun aside, not wanting to have it in his hands any longer. It made his mind go somewhere he couldn’t afford for it to go.

“Okay, I think I have everything I need.” Tim was already moving towards the door again, putting away his notepad. Jason followed, still a little out of it. He shouldn’t have gotten so excited.

This was behind him and had been for a long time. He was better now. 

Right?

_Right…_

* * *

_Grandiose. Brilliant. Utterly perfect._

_They had not noticed. How could they not notice? All that training and for what?_

_Oh, the bat will have a fit the second the video hits the news. What a glorious opportunity._

_Not to be missed._

_Not to be missed._

_Just a small little camera behind the door, barely even hidden. Such an easy trap and they fell for it. How incredibly satisfying. Two of Gotham’s most popular vigilantes, fondling boxes of firearms for the whole world to see._

_It could not have gone any better._

_What a triumph._

_The building was coming along quite well too. Especially, the entrance._

_Such a big mouth._

_Such big teeth._

_Such a charming smile.  
_

_They better prepare._

_This is just the beginning._

_And they have no idea what’s in store for them._

_This going to be one hell of a laugh._


	2. Seduce me...

> _I get hurt too, you know?_

“This is impossible!” Damian said, sounding shell-shocked.

“I want it taken down! _Now_!” Bruce bellowed, fist coming down hard on the table, urgency present in his every word. 

“I’m working on it,” Tim pressed out through clenched teeth.

“Someone has to tell Jason. Before he sees it himself.” Dick’s heart was beating up in his ears, too loud to ignore any longer. The panic that had taken hold of him two minutes ago showed no signs of subsiding.

“B- call him! _Now_!” Tim barked out while frantically typing away.

“Bruce!” Dick snapped, “ _call_ him!”

Bruce remained frozen for a moment longer before stomping out of the room, phone in hand. Dick couldn’t hear what he was saying to Jason but his tone was harsh and broke no argument. He hoped Jason was already on the way.

“I can’t take it down- I can’t take it down” Tim kept murmuring from his seat. Dick exchanged a look with Damian, who stared at Tim with a raised brow. That was unheard of. There was nothing Tim couldn’t take down if he set his mind to it.

“Why is it not taken down yet?” Bruce’ voice was carefully controlled but edging towards anger again.

“I don’t know- I- I can’t seem to get a hold of it. It’s- it keeps popping up.”

“Do something!” The command rumbled through the cave with such intensity, all three of their spines snapped straight.

“I’m trying!” Tim bit back, a pearl of sweat dropped down his temple. In an attempt to redirect Bruce’ attention and because he really wanted to know, Dick asked “what did he say?”

“He’s coming over.”

“But what did he say?” The uncertainty was making him uncomfortable. With Jason, every word unsaid could hint at another fit of rage.

“That he is on his way.”

“Nothing else?”

“No.” This was bad news. Very bad news. It meant, Jason was angry, and rightfully so, but Jason’s anger was so inherently different from theirs. It could destroy him if Jason let it. And Dick didn’t want to see that happen again.

Tim was still typing, Damian had taken to pace around the room and Bruce was watching over Tim’s shoulder. Meanwhile Dick listened for every sound that could indicate Jason’s arrival. It took another fifteen minutes, in which Dick had taken to biting his nails, when he finally heard it. The sound of a bike screeching to a halt.

“How?” Jason bit out the second he entered the cave, flinging his helmet to the side.

“One of you tell me now or there’s going to be a problem!”

“We don’t know!” Tim snarled right back at him, the stress obviously getting to him.

“I’ll shoot them! I don’t care what you think about that, B, I will shoot them! Straight in the head! The second Tim figures out who did that, I’ll be out that door!” He had his gun in hand already, not pointing it but with his fingers clenching around the metal. Needless to say, Dick was deeply worried.

“You will do nothing of that sort, Todd,” Damian said matter-of-factly.

“And why’s that gremlin?”

“They would win.”

It made Jason pause, made his eyes clear a little. Dick almost breathed a sigh of relief. Whatever it was Damian was talking about, it had made Jason stop.

“What?”

“You would prove them right.” Damian had a point, Dick realised and was instantly grateful for it. Because it seemed, it had rung through to Jason too, since he was slowly letting the hand holding the gun sink down. 

“Fine!” Jason snapped “then tell me what we’re going to do to stop this thing from spreading.”

If only it were that simple. Dick noted, with satisfaction, that Jason had said “we”. At least, he wouldn’t have to worry about any suicide missions. Yet.

“We need to get to the bottom of this. Until we know who’s doing this, I can’t take it down.” Everyone simultaneously turned to Bruce to watch his reaction to Tim’s words. Bruce gave one sharp nod before sitting down.

“Ideas?” Dick asked around, hoping they could come up with something since his own head was frustratingly empty.

“I knew something was off with that shipment when we walked in. Those guns are rare- like- really rare. And to let them lay around like that without any security measures is just plain wrong if you ask me.” It looked like Jason had managed to calm down to a point where he could think reasonably. Dick was deeply impressed; it gave him a bit of hope.

“It does not matter now,” Damian dismissed it with a wave of his hand, “all that matters, is that we find whoever is responsible and delete this nonsensical video.”

“Couldn’t agree more,” Jason pat Damian on the shoulder before he stood, “I’m gonna make some calls. See if I can get Roy to look into it.”

“If I may interrupt,” Jason nearly jumped out of his skin.

“Jesus, Alfie! Don’t sneak up on me like that or you’ll give me a heart attack!”

“I highly doubt that, Master Jason. Now if you are quite finished with being dramatic-” he paused as if to wait for Jason to reply. Dick thought, he had seen Alfred’s lips curl into a small little smirk when Jason spluttered.

“Dinner is served.”

With that, Alfred turned around and disappeared back to wherever he had come from.

“I think that was an order,” Tim said, his voice caught somewhere between amusement and exhaustion. Bruce nodded, still staring at the screen but then got up and gestured for Damian and Tim to follow suit.

They were already walking towards the dining room but Dick stayed put. He couldn’t help himself. He had to watch it one more time. He sat down in front of Tim’s computer and clicked play. Even though, he had seen it before, it still rattled him.

They looked guilty. Both Tim and Jason. Handling illegal weapons, leaving the shed like it belonged to them. Despite there being no sound, the intent was clear. Or seemed to be clear. To everyone who didn’t know why Jason and Tim had been in that shed, it sure looked like they were smuggling weapons. Whoever had filmed it was now broadcasting it all over Gotham, on each news platform, each social media network.

Suddenly, Dick’s stomach filled with dread.

“Hey!” all four of them, Alfred in tow, came running down again.

“What? What’s going on?”

“It’s not the first video!”

“What? Have you seen another one?” The confusion was palpable in the air.

Dick powered on “No. But there will be.”

“How do you know that?” Bruce sounded sceptical but intrigued.

“Remember that burning building? Dami- you said the camera was following you-”

“Yes.” He didn’t sound convinced but he also didn’t sound all too doubtful.

“That’s because you were right. It was following you. It has to be the same guy.”

“But why release this one first? Why not go chronologically?” Jason asked.

Dick turned to him, hesitated.

“Because it shows you,” he said, feeling awful for even having to approach the subject.

“What-” but Jason didn’t finish the question before he gave Dick a knowing look “because it’s me. I’m the bad guy. It’s- they think it’ll be easy to turn ‘em again me ‘cause I’m a bad guy anyway.”

Dick didn’t answer, didn’t feel like it was necessary. Silence spread in the room.

“When the next one hits, I’ll be done. I’ll never be able to work again,” Tim sank back against the wall, obviously remembering what he had fiddled with in that building. If word got out that, not only had he been involved with an arms shipment, but also had had his hands on gasoline and a lighter in a burning building, he would be a hunted man.

Dick shuddered. He hated how easily the public turned on every vigilante without even waiting to see if there was more to the story. The comments under the video were alarming.

“We just have to find that guy first then.”

“How?” Bruce asked, sounding sceptical if you worded it nicely.

“Well, if they think I’m the bad guy anyway, that leaves me with a whole new palette of options,” Jason chuckled like it wasn’t a big deal when everyone in the room could see the hurt clearly on his face.

“Jason-” Bruce’ tone held a warning, clearly disapproving but Jason shrugged it off.

“Give me two days to handle it. That’s all I’m asking.”

“Two days.”

“Great. Now, let’s have dinner, I’m starving.”

With that, he sauntered out of the room, leaving the others looking at each other with an uncomfortable tension in the air. 

* * *

It took a lot to get the information Jason needed. He had to cash in a favour or two with people he had never intended to see again. He just hoped, all his efforts would pay off. Meanwhile, the video had spread over Gotham like wildfire and the people were not happy. Sure, some did call it a scam, but most of them seemed to believe what they were seeing was real. He had trouble not letting it hurt him, not letting it get to him. It wasn’t as easy as he would have liked. He had worked so hard to get his reputation back on track after his – well – escapades. One mistake and he was back at square one.

Great. Years of work and all it took was one damn video to condemn him. And Tim too. That hurt almost the most. To see Tim’s name dragged through the mud with his own. Tim was a strong guy, but Jason didn’t know if he could take that. The kid had never allowed himself to make a mistake before and now he was going down because he had been trying to do the right thing. It just wasn’t fair. And Jason hated it with all his might.

He hated what this city had become even with so many vigilantes roaming the streets.

He returned to the cave after the two days Bruce had granted him with a battered ego and bruises covering his body, but at least, he had the information they so desperately needed.

“Listen here,” he let himself fall down on the couch in the living room, wincing upon impact. Out of the corners of his eyes, he saw Dick reach out but instantly pull his hand back again. It made his stomach ache unpleasantly. But that could also be because he hadn’t been eating enough.

“There is news about a guy but no really knows anything about him. He’s like a shadow or something. No one’s seen him or talked to him. What they do know, however, is who paid for the shipment. So that means, our guy already has contacts.”

“With whom? They have to be high up with loads of money to get those kinds of guns. You said it yourself,” Tim reminded him.

“And I was right. Because guess who’s in on it?”

“Who?”

“Buccini.” It had taken quite some digging and legwork to follow the red thread to them. They had concealed their involvement well.

“The mafia family?”

“Yep. Built their way up from the very bottom and now they hold most of the territories in the west.”

“Do they work for him then?”

“Think so. But- if you ask me- they haven’t gotten a clue who it actually is they’re working for.”

“How is your information useful then?”

“Chill your horses, demon, I’m getting to it,” Damian snarled but otherwise didn’t comment, so Jason continued, “See, there’s this one guy, Andrea Buccini, second son of the big boss and apparently very, very eager to prove himself. Anyway, one of my guys overheard him talkin’ about the shipment on the docs arriving the day we went there. Seems to me, it’d be worth having a nice long chat with him about it.”

“I don’t like how that sounds.” Dick had raised a sceptical eyebrow at him.

“You wouldn’t, Goldie.” Dick had never been fond of organised crime. Jason, on the other hand, could still see the beauty in it.

“Do you have a plan?” Bruce asked, sounding a little less disapproving than usual. Jason tentatively counted it as a win.

“If we can arrange a meeting, I’m sure we could get the information we need from him.”

“Without killing him.”

“I haven’t done that in a while.” He didn’t know why he always felt the need to defend himself even though Bruce hadn’t accused him, not directly anyway. It was like a reflex he couldn’t control.

“I wasn’t-” Bruce breathed in deeply before he said “it was a genuine statement.”

“’kay.” Jason would have to take his word for it.

“Are you going in alone?”

“Dick could join me.” For more than one reason. He knew Bruce was more likely to accept his plan if he took Dick with him and frankly, Jason simply wanted him there. There was so much on the line that he felt safer with someone else there. And he knew, Dick could hold his own better than anyone else. If push came to shove that is.

Bruce nodded, then asked “when?”

“Saturday.”

“I’ll arrange the patrol plan to cover for you.”

“That- that’d be good,” Jason conceded and, because this was the first time a plan of his hadn’t been ripped apart by Bruce, he added a barely audible “thanks”.

Bruce nodded once more, a stoic expression on his face and then stalked out of the room, Damian trailing behind him. Jason held Dick back by the elbow when Dick wanted to follow Bruce out.

“I haven’t told you everything,” he started, knowing he could never Bruce what he was about to tell Dick.

“There’s another way. A certain one.”

“I really don’t like how you say that.” He knew Jason well then.

“Yeah, believe me, you won’t like what I’m about to say next any better.”

“Just- get on with it,” he made a hand motion like ripping of a band-aid.

“Fine,” Jason said “our guy’s gay.”

“So?” Jason didn’t blame Dick for not seeing the point. He wouldn’t have either if not for that little titbit of information Jason was in possession of.

“He’s not out- obviously- but I have it on good authority that there’s a club he frequents where he can- you know- get what he wants.” To Dick’s credit, he immediately realised just what Jason was playing at.

“You’re not seriously contemplating seducing him, are you?”

Jason shrugged “Do you have a better idea?”

“I-” apparently not. Just like Jason had thought.

“Don’t worry, Dickie, this time, it’s not gonna be you who’s doing the seducing.” Even if Dick was certainly better at it than Jason, he would never ask that of him. Not after all the times he had witnessed Dick being objectified, touched and groped unashamedly. 

“You?” Dick sounded incredulous and Jason tried very hard not to take offense.

“Yep,” he said like it wasn’t a big deal, like he wasn’t secretly freaking out.

“Why?” At least that was a simple enough question.

“’Cause he likes guys taller than him. Simple as that.”

“Oh,” Dick didn’t look like he was particularly fond of the idea “are you okay with that?”

“’s not like I have a choice.” But something in him settled knowing Dick cared whether he wanted to or not.

“I could try.” Of course, he could but Jason wouldn’t let him. Not if there was any other way.

“We only have one shot, Dick, and I’m not about to blow it because I’m slightly uncomfortable, ‘kay?”

“I’ll stay with you.”

“You don’t have to- it’s- maybe it’s not the best idea.” He hated, how he always turned into a stuttering mess when Dick was resolute in his demeanour.

“I don’t care. I’ll stay with you until you’re done.”

“Fine.”

“We don’t tell Bruce, right?” This made Jason chuckle. He couldn’t imagine a more awkward conversation.

“Nah. Not unless we really have to. As far as he’s concerned, this is the usual undercover job.”

“What about Tim and Dami?”

“If you want to tell them, that’s fine with me.”

“Maybe just Tim?”

“Whatever you want.” Jason bit his tongue when Dick suddenly looked at him strangely. He realised how that must have come out and instantly regretted having said it.

He needed to get a grip on those feelings asap.

* * *

“Sorry, little D. But you’re not allowed in clubs yet.” Dick was still trying to figure out if he could fit an escrima stick into his outfit somewhere but was disappointed. The pants he planned on wearing wouldn’t hide a thing. And certainly not an escrima stick. Well, unless he wanted to give Jason the wrong idea. Or the right one really. And now that he was thinking about that, he should really text Jason.

_Gonna be late._

He didn’t have to wait long for an answer.

_Having dinner. Don’t be too early._

Despite himself, Dick smiled. He couldn’t blame Jason for wanting to have a decent dinner. Just because he hadn’t had time to enjoy it, didn’t mean Jason wasn’t allowed to.   
Meanwhile, the issue of whether or not Damian would join them had, unsurprisingly, not been resolved yet. Dick tuned back in to hear Damian scoffing “that hardly matters.”

“It does to me.” Bruce’ tone alone should have ended the argument right there. He had the usual scowl on his face, probably because the idea of his underage son dancing in a nightclub was giving him an aneurism.

“I will turn eighteen in a month, father, I do not see-” Of course, he wouldn’t. If Bruce thought Damian would just step down, he had another thing coming.

“And even then, you’d be three years too young to be there.” Dick agreed, although he had been sneaking into clubs since he was sixteen, so he should probably keep his opinion to himself.

Not to mention all the other things he had been doing at that age. He was so glad that he was, in fact, and adult.

“I am a vigilante and a highly trained assassin- I highly doubt a nightclub will be that much of an obstacle.”

But Bruce, understandably, wasn’t having it “you’re not going. And that’s final.”

“ _Drake_ is going!” And the battle was officially lost. Damian had evidently no argument left or he wouldn’t have brought up the point that Tim was already dressed and ready to go. Dick noticed, though, that Tim seemed overtly interested in the conversation all of a sudden.

“Tim is twenty-one!” Bruce bellowed and Dick watched Damian suck in his lips, almost like a pout. It would have looked adorable if it weren’t for the burning anger in his eyes.

“End of discussion. You’re not setting foot in that club. If I catch you anywhere but on your patrol route you will not like the consequences, are we clear?”

“Yes, father,” Damian pressed out between his teeth.

Dick and Tim exchanged a look. Judging by the murderous expression on Damian’s face, the discussion wasn’t quite as over as Bruce might have thought.

“Dick-” He snapped to attention, cautious at the still aggravated and even slightly exhausted tone.

“Hm?”

“ _Please_ \- make sure everything goes over smoothly? I don’t want to see another one of those videos.”

The fact that Bruce had used _that_ word worried Dick. Bruce _never_ said that. It meant that things were a little direr than they had thought.

He nodded “will do, B. Promise.”

“Good. I’m going on patrol around twelve. If something happens- let me know immediately.”

“Yes.”

“And you-” he pointed at Damian “I expect you to stay at home until it’s time for your round.”

“Yes, father.” Once again, Dick had the fleeting suspicion that Damian might not keep his word on that one but he could be wrong. He dearly hoped, he was.

Bruce left the cave then, probably to get in a nap before he had to go out again. The second they heard his door close upstairs, Tim turned on his chair, an expression on his face that reminded Dick of an animal with sharp teeth.

“Why do you wanna go so badly?” Tim asked, barely concealed amusement in his tone. He was having the upper hand and he knew it, Dick thought.

“Tt-tt. I do not want to go.”

“Then why beg Bruce for permission?”

“I did not beg!”

“Sure sounded like it.”

“ _I did not beg_!” Damian bit out “and I will not have you-” but what Damian was not having Tim do Dick would never know because Tim interrupted him before he could go on.

“Quit being difficult and tell me why you want to come with us so badly. I thought, you didn’t like nightclubs and all that- what was it you said? Mingling?”

“For the last time, Drake, I do not want to come with you!” Uh oh, now Damian was back to snarling. Tim better prepared himself for a huge blow-up. Dick backed away, wanting them to hash it out without having to be part of it. Far be it from him to interfere now.

“Then why ask Bruce to let you? Why throw such a tantrum when you don’t want to go?” Tim was a persistent fucker if he wanted to be. It was a characteristic Bruce very much appreciated. The other bats, not so much, having been a nuisance for each of them more than once.

“Because _you’re_ going and without me there, you will indulge in that sordid behaviour like you did with Kent!” the second it was out, Damian’s entire face flushed red. Silence spread in the cave.

“Why do you care? What’s it to you what I do in my spare time?” Tim’s voice was poisonous like acid. Dick couldn’t blame him for it. If Jason had said that to _him_ , well, they would have words, rest assured.

“I do not! It is merely the reputation of this family that will be tarnished.” That was a bold-faced lie. Dick could tell.

“Don’t lie to me.” And so could Tim, apparently.

“I am not lying!” He was. He definitely was.

“Yes, you are. And you’re failing spectacularly at it too.” Dick had a sudden thought that he was interrupting a rather private conversation he should not be present for. However, if he moved now, the situation would get even worse because then, they would remember that he was there. It seemed like he had to stick this one out.

Tim stalked forward, backing Damian into the wall. Dick bit his lip, forced himself not to make a sound.

“You are,” Tim’s voice had noticeably dropped “and you’re going to tell me why.”

For a second, it looked like Damian was going to burst. His entire face had turned red, he was noticeably not breathing and his eyes almost bulged out of his head.

“ _Damian_ ,” Tim growled low in his throat.

Damian opened his mouth, gaze stuck on Tim’s, he breathed in and-

_We be living so dangerous_

_We be living so dangerous_

Dick’s phone suddenly started blaring Jason’s ringtone through the cave. Dick scrambled to get it instantly, but the moment was broken. Damian shoved past Tim, elbow connecting hard with Tim’s arm. He had so much momentum while making a run for the stairs that he almost knocked Tim over.

_Step out of my way now_

Dick would have laughed at hearing that line just when Damian was all but running away but he was too busy being embarrassed. 

“Damian!” Tim yelled after him, sounding angry, confused and a little flustered.

_I like how it makes me feel_

_I like how it makes me feel_

Dick, meanwhile, was still fumbling with his phone, trying to find the end-call button and frantically cursing. He missed and promptly heard Jason greet him with a chuckle.

“Havin’ a bad day, Goldie? It’s not like you to curse me the second you pick up.”

“Sorry- _shit_ \- sorry, I was- _Tim_!” He almost fell forward in his attempt to pull Tim away from the stairs.

“What’s Tim got to do with it?” Jason asked but Dick couldn’t concentrate on him right now. He had to stop Tim from running after Damian.

“Wait!”

“I want an answer, Dick, and I’m sure getting one! That little-”

“Woah, chill out,” Jason yelled into the phone “can someone fill me in? Feelin’ a little left out over here.”

“You can’t go up there. Let him cool off.”

“No! He’s just going to act like he didn’t say all that prejudiced judgmental shit! And I won’t- he doesn’t have the right to say that kind of messed up bullshit to me!” Tim sounded incredibly upset, understandably so. Although Dick highly doubted that that’s what Damian had been going for. To his ears, it had sounded a lot more like jealousy.

“HEY!” Jason barked out, “as much as I enjoy hearing you guys argue, I would really appreciate an update!”

“Damian was being-”

“A fucking asshole is what he was being!” Tim snarled, “like it’s any of his business what I do in my spare time! And if I want to fuck Kon in an alley way I damn well will fuck Kon in an alley way and I don’t give two shits about whether or not that little brat agrees with it or not!”

“Far be it from me to stop you, placers,” Jason chuckled down the line, probably because Tim was stringing together an impressive tirade of mostly curse words. If Dick wasn’t mistaken there was even some French in there too. Or was it Spanish?

“What kind of strategy meeting are you guys having that your relationship is brought up?” Dick didn’t want to correct Jason now, that him and Kon were back to being friends, thinking it wasn’t the right moment to talk trivia. 

“Damian wanted to come tonight.”

“Tell me that B said no,” Jason’s outrage was a little endearing. He sounded deeply affronted at the idea of an underage assassin in a nightclub. Dick better not told him about his early years. Although, Jason probably knew about that anyway.

“Yeah, and he was quite adamant about it too, which was only adding fuel to the fire, in my opinion.”

“How dare he say that?” Tim was mumbling to himself, the anger replaced with hurt. Dick reached out, laid a hand on Tim’s shoulder and squeezed.

“I don’t think he meant what you heard.” Granted, that sentence didn’t make sense but Tim was intelligent enough to understand it anyway.

“No? What on earth did he mean then? Because to me it sounded very much just like that.”

“You gonna tell him or should I do the honours?” Jason asked, sounding highly amused by the whole situation. And Dick knew exactly why that was. Because they had seen what Tim so spectacularly failed to see. Or maybe he was purposefully ignoring it. 

“What are you talking about?!” Apparently, Tim was indeed determined not to realise what was going on with their favourite bat brat. That is, until Jason dropped the bomb rather unceremoniously.

“Well, sounds to me like our little bat brat is jealous.”

“Of what? If he wants to go to a club so badly, he can sneak in just fine on his own!”

“You’re kidding, right? Dickie, _please_ tell me he’s kidding and not having his annual off day…” Something in Dick preened at the nickname before he forced himself to focus. Tim looked genuinely upset and they couldn’t have that.

“Jay-” Dick hoped the warning rang through to Jason. This wasn’t the right time to enlighten Tim.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Tim asked but instantly changed his mind “you know what? I don’t care. I don’t want to know. We’ll be at yours in twenty.” With that, Tim took the phone from Dick – who was too flabbergasted to stop him – and ended the call.

“You’ve got everything?”

“Yes, but-”

“Good. I still have to pack my bag and the equipment.”

“Tim-”

“I hope Jason still has my mic.”

_“Tim!”  
_

“No. We’re not talking about this. I want to get the mission over with and go to bed. And I’m really not in the mood to entertain his tantrums.”

Dick sighed, giving up the attempt to talk it out. Tim was evidently not in the right place.

Still, he would have preferred to resolve this before going out. A clear mind would have come in handy and Tim tended to get fidgety when he had something on his mind. Damian’s words must have severely hurt him and Dick understood why. He just truly didn’t believe Damian had aimed at Tim’s sexuality. If what Jason and Dick were suspecting was true, that would be highly hypocritical of him. Convincing Tim though, was another matter entirely.

Especially, since Dick felt like Tim was likely being obtuse on purpose.

* * *

Jason emerged from his bathroom and Dick promptly lost his cool. Sure, they had discussed the outfit beforehand, but seeing it now actually on Jason was another thing entirely. Dick knew, realistically, that Jason had about zero percent body fat and that his thighs could probably crunch metal. Now though, he was visibly reminded of just how muscular Jason truly was. His overall ensemble was black and incredibly tight. Dick could count his abs if he wanted to.

And, fuck yes, did he want to.

The top clung to Jason’s torso like second skin, as did the pants. Dick had trouble not staring at Jason’s ass when he walked past. He felt it indecent to stare but couldn’t really look away for too long. With every step, Jason’s body moved just right. Dick instantly imagined the sinful roll Jason’s hips could do when Jason bent a little and his shirt riled up to expose pale hipbones. Dick refused to admit the noise that came out of his mouth was a groan.

However, Jason turned at precisely that moment, probably having heard him. His eyes found Dick, a tad hesitant and Dick’s entire world screeched to a halt.

Was he – dear God – was he wearing eyeliner?

Dick gripped the couch so tightly, his knuckles turned white. He had the sudden urge to pull Jason’s hair, make his head tip back and him stare up at Dick from those beautiful orbs of teal. The hint of green in them was even more prominent now with the coal-black line surrounding them. They promised danger, those eyes, Dick knew. It made them all the more enticing, all the more desirable. 

“Something wrong?” Jason asked with a confused lift of his eyebrow.

“Nope- all good.” Dick wanted to slap himself. Repeatedly. What was it about Jason that made him behave like an idiot all the time. He caught himself wishing for his Nightwing charm but knew, deep down, that Jason likely wouldn’t be too appreciative.

“Really? You look-” Jason trailed off, apparently unsure himself.

“Hm?”

“You look flustered.” Dick wanted to die. This was so goddamn embarrassing. He needed to get a hold on himself.

“You on the other hand,” he started and let his eyes sweep down Jason’s body. He figured, if he overdid it, Jason likely wouldn’t know, just how serious he was.

But then, he noticed not only the blush creeping down Jason’s chest – clearly visible in his low-cut tank top – but also the way, he crossed his hands over his torso.

“You look really good,” Dick decided to say with the most solemn tone he could muster. He hadn’t intended to be so blunt but Jason looked so uncomfortable at being looked at.

Jason’s head snapped up, his arms fell to his side.

“The liner really suits you. It brings out your eyes…” Dick pressed on. He really hoped him being honest helped ease Jason’s obvious discomfort.

“You- you like it?” Jason looked at him then, eyes narrowed but not unkind, rather like he was self-conscious.

“Yeah,” Dick breathed, feeling like the temperature had just risen “It- it looks very good on you, Jay.”

Jason, instead of answering, nodded his head and abruptly turned away.

“You gonna change too, Dickhead?” he threw over his shoulder in that gruff way of his.

“Yeah, sorry, just- gimme a minute.” Dick scrambled for the door, grabbing his clothes on the way.

When he re-emerged from the bathroom, he felt a little better and a little less underdressed. To be fair, he could have changed at the manor but riding his bike over to Jason’s in those pants would have been agonising. And, if they were being honest, he had really been looking forward to seeing Jason’s reaction.

“Ready?” he asked while putting on his jacket. Jason turned around, mouth open as if he had been about to answer, and promptly froze.

“What?”

“You-” Jason cleared his throat “you uhm want to- to wear that?”

“Sure,” Dick said with an easy grin, “why?”

He was in his usual club attire. Tight blue shirt and leather pants. Sure, the pants might be a bit extra, but he felt good in them. And to be perfectly honest, he enjoyed just how shell-shocked Jason looked. That was certainly promising.

“Are those-” a cough “are those _leather_?” 

Dick bit back on a smirk. Mission accomplished, he thought, pleased. At least, Jason wasn’t the only one rocking an indecent outfit tonight.

“Yes, they are.” Dick couldn’t quite keep the amused note out of his voice.

“Is that a problem?” he added cheekily just to watch Jason stutter through an answer. Oh my, how the tables had turned.

“N-no. No problem.”

“You sure? You look a bit flustered.” Dick imitated Jason’s earlier question and watched the blush deepen on his cheeks. His face must be burning by now, Dick thought.

“Yeah,” Jason said, sounding earnest and almost shy. It made Dick crave him that much more.

“You like how they look, Jay?” his voice had taken on an edge; he stepped closer. Jason’s head was down, making it impossible to read his expression. Dick, feeling bold and slightly out of his mind, reached out and lifted Jason’s chin with two fingers.

“Do you?” he asked, making sure to hold Jason in place with his gaze “like them?” he let his voice drop lower with the last sentence, watching in delight as Jason’s eyes darkened.

“Yes,” Jason breathed, shoulder twitching forward. Dick’s heart did a funny little flutter. He leaned closer.

“Are you guys- oh shit, sorry!” Tim. Worst timing, once again. Dick cursed in his head, stepped back deliberately. Jason instantly turned away, probably feeling uncomfortable.

“Sorry,” Tim repeated “But we really have to get a move on.”

Dick was aware. He didn’t blame Tim for bursting in. If only he had done so a minute later. He almost had had Jason right where he wanted him. And now, Jason would do the disappearing act for the minimum of two weeks after this mission was over and done with. Like he always did, whenever Dick came too close to break down the walls around his heart.

* * *

How on earth was he supposed to concentrate on the mission when Dick was looking like sex on legs. And damn were those legs long. Jason had trouble not staring at Dick’s – well – at Dick’s everything if he was being honest. The shirt made his eyes sparkle, his ass looked phenomenal and how he moved, God, like water, fluid and oh so seductive. Jason was a bit curious about why Dick had chosen that specific outfit. While they should blend in, Dick needn’t have gone full out.

That was completely unnecessary and could even endanger the mission.

The target was supposed to flirt with Jason, not Dick. If that didn’t happen, their whole plan was screwed. The outfit was a threat.

Yes, _a threat_ , you heard him right.

They should ban Dick from ever wearing that outfit again.

He had no idea how he should sell being interesting in anyone else when he had Dick fucking Grayson next to him. And looking like _that_. He’d have to blind as well as stupid to turn away from him even for one second.

_He was so screwed, wasn’t he?_

Sure, he was doing a job and he would always put that first, but this time, things were going to be a bit more complicated.

Also, that kiss was still way too prominent on his mind to concentrate on anything else but the pink tinge of Dick’s lips. Not to mention that Tim had interrupted them, had seen how close they were standing. Jason abhorred the idea of having to explain that one.

The whole way to the club – which they had to take a cab to get to – Jason kept sneaking glances at Dick. Subtly, he hoped. Although, something about their interaction earlier made him feel a little bold. Dick’s sultry tone, his overall demeanour, it encouraged him a bit too much.

They weren’t supposed to flirt – if that’s what they’ve been doing. And Jason sure as hell wasn’t supposed to look at Dick with fire in his veins, mentally undressing him to the point where he could rip off those distracting pants.

Deep down, though, under the layers of self-doubt and coping mechanisms, Jason wanted something else even more. Because there were times when he thought he caught Dick watching him with the same tenderness Jason felt towards him. He rarely allowed himself to admit it, but he wanted more. He didn’t like the idea of being Dick’s plaything of the month.

 _Permanent_ , a voice in his head taunted him, _you want something permanent_.

The truth of the matter was: Jason did. The idea of having only half of Dick pained him so much, he’d rather not pursue it at all. If Dick decided to throw Jason away – and Jason was sure, he would – things were going to get ugly real fast. He wasn’t proud of thinking it, but it was the truth. He wouldn’t survive Dick’s maybe, his pitying smile Jason had seen him give ladies at the Wayne galas when he told them, he wasn’t interested.

Better not say anything at all then.

Still, that kiss refused to be forgotten and it haunted Jason more than it should. It probably was nothing to Dick, just a way to let off steam.

And to think what it had meant for Jason…

* * *

Nightclubs could be interesting, if you were single, ready for a tequila suicide and severely lacking inhibitions. In fact, Dick had spent quite some time all over the city, in Nightclub after Nightclub. Back when he had thought getting over Jason was a matter of finding a replacement. He had had a string of one-night – well – partners, all with dark hair, bright eyes and who were way too tall for Dick to reach without them bending down. None had compared to the real thing and after that kiss, Dick knew for certain no one ever would.

This though, was different. Because now Jason was here, dressed in nightclub attire, moving his feet a little while they were waiting in line. Not that Dick would normally do that – wait in line that is – but he had Tim and Jason with him and he felt like playing the “I’m Dick Grayson card” wouldn’t score him any favours. They both teased him enough for his playboy status already.

“You cold?” Jason bumped his elbow into Dick’s side.

“What?” it turned out, he had been tuning out again, “No, no I’m good.” But he appreciated the concern.

Jason nodded, eyes quickly darting away. Dick wondered if Jason was struggling not to stare. He had had quite the hungry look after Dick had emerged from his bathroom. Maybe this attraction-thing they were dancing around really did work both ways. Dick couldn’t be more delighted at the prospect. He felt he grin tugging at his lips and bit down so that it wouldn’t show. Explaining that would be indescribably unpleasant.

Just then, someone shoved past Dick, turning and winking at him with a lewd smile before Dick was even standing upright again. He needed a second to realise that he had fallen into Jason’s arms and was still clinging to him.

“I hate those people,” Jason murmured, softly enough that Tim, who was a little behind them and staring at his phone, didn’t hear. Dick nodded, thanking Jason for catching him.

“I just don’t get what they’re doin’ it for. ‘s not like you’re gonna want to hook up with them after they shoved you into a wall.” Dick snorted. Like those people even had the mental capacity to think that far ahead. But Jason wasn’t finished.

“And that wink. Like you’re a-” he suddenly trailed off, face flushing a little. Dick’s curiosity was instantly piqued.

“Like I’m what?” he gently nudged Jason with his shoulder when Jason stared ahead stubbornly.

“A piece of meat,” Jason bit out, baring his teeth.

“Ouch.” Dick joked, trying to erase that frown from Jason’s forehead. This wasn’t how he had wanted to go into this.

“It’s- it’s just disrespectful. You’re a human being. There’s no need- you can express interest and not be a jerk about it.”

If Dick hadn’t been head over heels for Jason already, this would have been the final nail in the coffin. As it was, he felt his throat clog up at those words. Because Jason understood. He knew how people treated Dick, how, at each Wayne party, he was ogled and groped and being lured at. How he hated being objectified over and over again. How he wanted someone to see _him_ , not Dick Grayson, not Nightwing, not a former Robin.

Just him.

Just _Dick_. 

“Jay-”

“Sorry.”

“No-” the line moved, but Dick held Jason back, “no, I- thank you.”

Jason, instead of answering, shrugged it off and stomped forward to close the few steps separating them from the rest of the line.

Dick turned to Tim, with the sappiest smile on his face and promptly heard Tim snort.

“Quit it with the heart eyes or he’s going to freak.” That was true, unfortunately and Dick forced himself to morph his face into, what he hoped was, a more neutral expression. Tim rolled his eyes but nodded approvingly.

When it was their turn to walk up to the bouncer, Tim held Dick back and let Jason go first.

“Promise me, you’ve got this?”

“What?” Dick felt a sudden rush of heat and instantly peeled off his leather jacket. It wasn’t like Tim to insinuate a lack of competence on Dick’s part. This was work and Dick always followed through.

“You know why we’re here. It’s gotta be him and you can’t- Dick you can’t interrupt.” That made much more sense than Tim questioning his abilities.

“Why would I interrupt?” he asked anyway because he didn’t quite want to admit that Tim had a point.

“Because you look at him like-” Tim paused, now looking a little embarrassed.

“Like what?”

“Like you wouldn’t take well to him flirting with someone else,” he settled on.

Dick had no idea what to say to that. And while his first impulse was to deny each and every allegation, a voice in the back of his mind stopped him, saying that _no, no he certainly wouldn’t take it well_.

This was going to be one hell of a night. 

After making his way through the crowd and passing the dance floor which was already filling up, Dick spotted Jason at a booth.

“Got you a drink,” Jason pushed a glass of something bright blue and sparkling at him when Dick finally reached him. He almost couldn’t hear Jason over the music but lip reading wasn’t all too hard when you are already staring at the lips in question. And to think Jason took the trouble to get him a drink and for that drink to be blue was just too much.

Dick sat down beside him, fingers itching to rest on Jason’s thigh, so openly displayed. He crossed his arms instead, gripping his biceps tightly as to not make a move he would later regret.

“Don’t you want it?” Jason yelled into his ear.

“Want it?” Oh God, he hadn’t meant for that insinuation to come out so strong. But Jason had, undoubtedly heard it and was blushing madly. That much, Dick could see even in the sparsely lit club.

“Yeah,” Jason leaned in closer, eyes searching for Dick’s and holding them hostage. Dick gulped, mesmerised by the way the strobe lights hit Jason’s eyes and made them flash.

“I do-” Dick said, gaze flickering down to Jason’s lips, “Want it.”

“For God’s sake just drink it then!” Tim burst out, loud enough for both of them to startle. Jason instantly leaned back, as far away as he could in the small space. Dick glared at Tim, hoping to convey that this would have consequences if Tim kept it up. He knew a thing or two about Tim’s own feelings and Tim would not take kindly to them being revealed. Not that he had ever planned on using that knowledge he had literally stumbled over by total accident. But if Tim kept him from kissing Jason again, Dick would have to take drastic measures.

Meanwhile, Jason scrolled through his phone, texting someone. Dick was nearly bursting with the need to know who was on the other end of that conversation and what they were talking about.

It was not jealousy, mind you.

Not. At. All.  
  


* * *

He needed someone to save him. Anyone. _Please._

Because Dick kept making innuendos and if he didn’t stop soon, Jason would throw caution into the wind and kiss him again.

_Quit texting me, Todd._

See? He was desperate enough to text the brat. Under the pretence of checking whether he had actually stayed home, but still. Which, now that he thought about it, he hadn’t really gotten an answer on that one.

_I hope for your own sake that you’re still at the cave._

_Mind your own business._

Fair enough. But he had that nagging feeling in his stomach that Damian was already on his way, having snuck out of the manor. Again. And all that for a club appearance. Jason didn’t get it. He wasn’t particularly fond of clubs. Not when the lighting was so bad and he couldn’t watch everyone around him. Not that he would ever admit it, but he was grateful for the company. The prospect of seducing a mafioso on his own was frankly terrifying to him. Having both Dick and Tim as backup made it slightly less so.

_You **are** home, right? _

_Tt-tt._

That he could hear Damian’s voice perfectly in his head while reading that text was also terrifying. Yep. Utterly terrifying. He was spending too much time with the bats. Also, when exactly he had become a sort-of big brother was beyond him. Probably Dick’s bad influence.

“Who’re you texting?” Out of sheer reflex, he turned away his screen so that Dick wouldn’t see the chat.

“No one.”

“I hate when you lie to me, Jay, you know that…” but the grin on his face was relaxed and playful so he shouldn’t be in big trouble.

And because he was so embarrassingly weak when it came to Dick, he faltered “The brat if you must know.”

“What’s he saying? Is he at home?”

“I thought you didn’t like when I lied to you, Dickie. Make up your mind, will you?”

“Bruce is going to have a fit when he finds out.”

“Well, he won’t find out from me unless the brat barges in here and makes a scene. Maybe he’s just lurking outside, waiting for Timmy to walk out with his new conquest of the night?”

“Don’t be crass.” Jason chuckled when Dick’s face scrunched up, appalled.

“I’m really not…” with that, he grabbed Dick’s chin and turned his head so that Dick could see what Jason had been watching the last minute or so. And that was Tim chatting up a handsome blond at the bar. Jason suspected it was a personal “fuck you” to Damian for Tim to pick someone looking like this, ergo not like Damian at all. But then again, he could be wrong. Maybe Tim just liked blond guys all of a sudden.

“Do you think he’s doing it on purpose?”

“What’s it look like to you?” To Jason, there wasn’t even a question of whether or not this was deliberate. He knew Tim and Tim was a vengeful bastard. Which was, incidentally, one of the reasons why Jason was so damn fond of the kid. That and his penchant for smart remarks, especially towards Bruce.

“Like a phenomenally bad idea.” At that comment, Jason threw his head back and barked out a laugh.

“He has those from time to time. Remember when he insisted on chugging that coffee on an empty stomach after five-hour patrol and no sleep for two days?”

“Vividly. I still haven’t recovered from that mental image.”

“Me neither.” They both shuddered at the memory of how Tim, his shirt, the floor and the desk had looked.

“Dami better not see this.”

“He’ll throw a major fit if he does.”

“Tim should know better than to provoke him like that.”

“Tim’s hurt, ‘s far as I can tell. He doesn’t want to be sensible right now and I can’t blame him. If the brat had said that to me…”

“But he wouldn’t have.”

“Yeah, ‘cause I would have whooped his ass.”

“Nah,” Dick was smiling again and Jason’s heart did a funny flip, “I don’t believe that…”

“No? Think I’ve become too soft?”

“No,” Dick was suddenly a hell of a lot closer than a second before. Jason hadn’t even seen him move.

“Where is he!” They both whipped around simultaneously when a familiar voice yelled at them over the music.

Jason felt his jaw drop at the sight before him.

“What the-” he spluttered before getting a hold of himself “the hell are you doing in here?”

“Dami!” Jason would have laughed at Dick’s scandalised outcry but he was too busy getting a hold of Damian’s shirt and pulling him towards the exit. Dick was hot on his heels, gesturing wildly.

“Let me go, Todd, or I will-”

“The only thing you will do, you insufferable brat, is stay quiet until I get you out of here before Tim sees this!”

“Absolutely not!”

“Absolutely yes! Or I will call Bruce right this second and handcuff you to my arm so that you have no choice but sit your ass down and wait until he arrives! Are we clear?!”

Damian didn’t bother with an answer but Jason took his silence as a “yes” anyway.

“Glad you agree. Now get a move on before I do it for you!”

He managed to pull Damian all the way into the foyer before he heard it.

“What. The. Fuck?!”

Great. He let go of Damian’s shirt and turned around, not surprised but disappointed to see Tim storming over, a seething expression on his face. Damian seemed to shrink back a bit at the fury in Tim’s eyes. It would have been a sight to behold if he didn’t sympathise a little with the demon brat. Just a little, though, mind you. He had brought in on himself after all.

“Jay- how about we-” Dick tried to interfere but was interrupted when Tim reached them.

“You are _such_ an asshole! Do you know that? You can’t be serious! There’s something fundamentally wrong with you!”

“There is nothing wrong with me!” Like anticipated, Damian bit back immediately. Jason had half a mind to remind them that, since there was no music out here in the foyer, everyone waiting to get in could hear them.

“Yes! Yes – _fuck_ – there is! Because you followed us here just so you can judge me! Are you really this retarded? I can fuck whoever I want! You don’t get to have an opinion! What’s it to you anyway? And that you think you can prance around spewing your homophobic bullshit is wrong on so many levels I can’t even tell you where to start!”

“Drake-” Jason saw the exact moment it dawned on Damian that they were having two completely different conversations. What he also recognised was the fleeting expression of hurt crossing Damian’s face.

Jason wanted to hit himself. If only he had done all this by himself, the mission would be over with and he would be at home and sleeping. But no, he just had to involve those idiots. Well, and Dick. Mostly Dick. Who was, surprisingly, the only not-idiot in the room right now.

“You know what? I really thought you had changed but I guess, I was wrong. You’re still the same ignorant, narcissistic, emotionally constipated asshole you were when Bruce brought you in. And tomorrow, I’m going to ask Bruce for a switch of patrol partners because I really don’t want to have anything to do with you anymore!”

“Tim-” Dick stepped forward, trying to placate before Tim could say anything else but Tim was already on a roll.

 _“No!_ You can try to defend him all you like but I’m done! I am _so_ done with this bullshit!” Jason was about to intervene but Tim turned to him and cut him off before he could.

“I’m sorry, alright? I’ll be at the manor if you need me but I can’t-” he breathed out shakily “I can’t be here right now.”

Jason felt himself nod, completely mute.

“Give me a heads up on how it went.” And with that, he was out of the door, not even remembering to grab his jacket before leaving.

“I did not mean that…” Damian suddenly said. Jason’s heart clenched at hearing the tremor in his voice.

“I was- I did _not_ mean-” he couldn’t even finish the sentence.

“I know,” Dick sighed, pinching his nose. Jason almost smirked at the exhausted facial expression like Dick was developing a migraine. And people said _they_ were the dramatic ones.

“He’s- he’s just – you really hurt him, Dami.” Dick was right. That much was beyond clear. But Jason suspected Tim really hurt Damian too. The facial expression alone had spoken volumes on just how badly Tim’s words had hit him.

“I was not trying to hurt him.”

“But you did,” Dick worried his lip “why did you even come here? You should have stayed home.”

“I- I could not- I needed to know-” The brat was a stuttering mess and it was eerie to see. Jason almost gave in to the irrational urge to hug him. _Almost_. Maybe because he knew how it felt to have everyone lash out at you and suspect the worst. He knew what it was like hearing that, hearing someone say you hadn’t changed from your horrid past self. Those words hit similar for everyone. Damian was no exception.

“To know what?” For fuck’s sake. For Dick not to have clued in by now was frankly embarrassing.

“Dick,” Jason said, hoping his intonation alone implied enough for Dick to get on the trail. 

“Oh Dami…” aaaand the penny had dropped, “why didn’t you just tell him?”

“I don’t think that would have been a good idea,” Jason mumbled, vividly remembering Tim’s tone whenever Jason attempted to talk to him about Damian.

“Yes, I- I have come to the same conclusion.”

“But you can’t let him think you’re homophobic, Dami, that’s not okay.”

“I will rectify the situation then.” Even though he looked like he would rather be dipped into a pool of acid.

“You should go back, by the way,” Dick reminded him “if Bruce comes back and sees you’re gone…” he didn’t need to finish the sentence for Damian to nod.

“Do you think he will come home?” That Damian felt so much out of his depth that he was willing to ask sparked another wave of sympathy for the kid in Jason.

“He’ll cool off first.” At least, if his brain had come online again, which Jason sincerely doubted. Then, he heard Damian murmur something that sounded suspiciously like “Kon-El…” and Jason sighed. The demon was probably right. And didn’t that make the situation unnecessarily complicated.

“Go home, Dami. Talk it out in the morning.”

Damian didn’t answer. Jason got the feeling he would not go home, at least not straight away. The kid had a penchant for punishing himself. If Jason was right, he’d follow Tim to Connor’s place. Why not break his own heart over and over again?

He was Bruce’ son after all.

* * *

After Damian had left, still a bit pale around the nose and with a hollow look in his eyes, they sat back down in their booth. The music was deafening but not unpleasantly so, throbbing in Dick’s body with every beat. He glanced his watch.

“I think we have about thirty minutes,” he yelled into Jason’s ear. Jason nodded, feet bobbing to the rhythm. Dick watched him a minute longer, staring at the dancefloor with an almost longing expression on his face. Dick tried to fight the urge but then he couldn’t take it any longer.

“Wanna dance?” he blurted out. Jason’s eyes widened minutely but then he was nodding and letting himself be pulled to the dancefloor. Dick didn’t know what had possessed him to be so daring but now he was glad for it.

At first, they just moved to the music, easily, just having fun. Then the tune switched to something techno with a deeper bass.

The atmosphere between them changed. Dick blinked up at Jason, mesmerised by the way the light hit those perfect eyes. He was drawn in, drowning almost. On their own accord, his hands found their way to Jason’s neck, his fingers carding through his hair. Jason froze, stared down at him, unmoving for a beat or two. Dick’s heart pounded in his chest, louder than the music, until Jason finally moved. His hands circled Dick’s waist, squeezing once. Dick shuddered, felt his cheeks flush.

Why did Jason’s hands feel so good against him, so stable?

They swayed to the music, faces separated by one inch. Another song came on, this one more sensual, less harsh. Dick was having trouble breathing, not because of exertion but because of the way Jason looked at him. There was so much fire in his eyes, like blue flames glistening in the darkness. Dick swallowed around a lump, saw how Jason’s gaze dropped to his throat, watching it bob.

He was about to say something, or do something stupid like surge forward and kiss him, when Jason suddenly turned around. Dick lost his hold of Jason’s hair and startled back. But Jason instantly grabbed his hands and settled them firmly on his hips. Dick flushed hot when he felt Jason’s hipbones under his thumb. He tightened his grip, just once, just to see how it would feel like, when Jason let his head fall on his shoulder.

Dick saws his lips open slightly, like he was breathing hard and it quickened Dick’s breath in turn.

Feeling bold, Dick let his left hand travel upwards until he had it slung around Jason’s torso. Every time Jason moved his hips, Dick could feel his abs tighten. His other hand rested on Jason’s hips a moment longer, then, Dick let it close around Jason’s throat, not hard enough to cut off his airflow but enough for Jason to shiver.

He tilted Jason’s head back further until he was almost spread out over Dick. With his left, he held Jason in place, moving into him. Jason’s shirt riled up at a particular long body roll of his and Dick’s fingers hit bare skin. Dick almost scratched Jason’s stomach raw at the realisation. He could barely keep himself in check at the idea alone. Tentatively, while watching Jason’s face like a hawk for any sign of discomfort, he let his fingertips explore. There were bumps in Jason’s skin that Dick knew to be scars. But in other places, it was smooth.

Dick let his hand drop lower until he hit the top of Jason’s jeans. His mind blanked out when he heard a low rumble where Jason was breathing heavily into his ear.

“Dick-” it sounded choked up, like he couldn’t get out the word. Dick almost lost it right then and there. Hearing Jason say his name like that, wrecked, without his usual controlled tone, did things to him.

“Yeah?” he said against Jason’s neck, lips an inch away from that gloriously pale skin. It looked so enticing, so delicate against the darkness, outstandingly beautiful. Jason didn’t answer him, but his arm twisted until he could reach Dick’s hip with his hand and pulled him in roughly. It was the closest to a nonverbal “please” Dick had ever gotten from Jason. His grip on Dick’s hip was tight. Dick would have bruises come tomorrow and he loved it, tightened his own grip just as much.

Jason jerked against him when Dick’s fingers squeezed particularly hard.

“Jay…” Dick sighed his name with all the emotion he had never dared to express before. And Jason’s lashes fluttered like he had trouble not letting his eyes close, his mouth fell open on a choked-up moan.

“ _Fuck_ \- Dickie- I-”

But Dick would never get to know what Jason had been about to say. Because Jason suddenly pushed away from him, standing straight if a little wobbly. Dick felt a tinge of hurt, thinking this was Jason closing off again, when he saw it too.

Their target marching towards the dancefloor with a cocksure grin on his face and two bodyguards on his side. 

_Fuck indeed._

* * *

Dick was not happy. He had been sitting for forty minutes, watching Jason move in on the target like nothing had happened between them. Okay, maybe that was unfair. Jason was doing his job, it wasn’t his fault Dick felt jealous tonight.

And God was he ever.

The sight of Jason almost in that greasy guy’s lap, fluttering his lashes, a pout on his lips, made Dick’s fingers itch to punch someone. He wasn’t usual this prone to violence but he wasn’t surprised at the impulse. Having Jason in his arms minutes before that guy came in certainly didn’t help. Not when he knew just how good Jason felt against him, how sinful the roll of his hips could be.

 _Stop thinking about it_ , a voice in his head scolded him.

It was right, Dick knew, but that didn’t make it any easier. He had never been good at sharing what he thought was his and Jason, well, Jason…

And now the guy had his hand dangerously close to Jason’s ass. Great. This day was more of a rollercoaster than his entire life as Robin had been. And that was certainly saying something.

He ordered another drink when he saw Jason sip on his fourth vodka. How good of an idea that was, Dick could not tell. However, he saw Buccini proudly refill his glass and nudge it to his lips, with the end goal to make Jason drunk. Hopefully, Jason knew how to hold his liquor.

* * *

Jason wished himself back home. Or anywhere really. What had he been thinking? He couldn’t do this. It was all wrong. Especially, after feeling Dick’s hands on him. He wished, he didn’t have that comparison. It made all of this way worse.

He kept accepting the drinks being pushed at him, knowing Dick would look out for him should something happen. But, thus far, it was actually just alcohol Buccini gave him.

It didn’t take long for the guy to fidget beneath him and promptly stand up. Jason was pulled to standing as well, throwing a cautious look over his shoulder to see Dick sitting at the bar with an angry expression. He hoped that was a good thing.

Buccini led him to a dark corner and before Jason could react, he was being kissed. If you could call it that. Because Buccini was not only a lousy kisser, but also a very demanding one. His hands groped Jason’s ass with enough force for it to actually hurt. He barely managed to stay put and wait for Dick to appear before his instincts kicked in and he lashed out.

Thankfully, Dick appeared out of nowhere the second Buccini reached around and touched the zipper of Jason’s pants. A flash went off, then another before Buccini could even react. Jason shoved at Buccini, instantly bringing as much distance between them as he could in the tight space. Buccini had left his bodyguards around the corner but Dick had evidently sneaked past them and also had had time to put on his domino.

That was great.

At least Dick could keep his identity covered. Although, where he had been hiding that thing, Jason wasn’t sure. Those pants were too tight for anything to be stacked in them.

“What the hell?” Now that he looked at him, the guy was obviously dishevelled. Jason felt the bile rise in his throat.

“If you don’t want this photo to be spread all over Gotham, you’re going to answer some questions.”

“You’re dead- you hear me? Dead.”

Dick tsked, inspecting his nails nonchalantly. Jason was, once more, baffled by his change of attitude whenever he was doing his job. Dick and Nightwing were so different, it would have been comical. 

“You see, that would be a viable threat if I wasn’t sure you’d be dead long before you could even get to me once I send those photos to the press.”

“You little-” but he didn’t get very far before Dick was all up in his business. Jason also noticed the restrained anger in his body language.

“I will make myself very clear. I don’t care what happens to you if I release those pictures. I don’t care if you wind up dead in a ditch.”

“What do you want from me?” The guy had suddenly lost his blundering. His voice was pleading. Pathetic, Jason thought. Buccini looked frightened. And he had every reason to be. Dick was fucking scary if he wanted to be. He even seemed to loom over Buccini, even though, Buccini was easily a good few inches taller.

“Oh, one small piece of information will do just fine.”

“What?” Whatever he had anticipated, it certainly wasn’t that.

“You paid for a weapon shipment on the docs. I want to know who paid _you_.”

“No one paid me!”

“Yeah no. I have it on good authority that you got instructed to hire some men to stack up those boxes in the shed.”

“Tell me who it was.”

“Fuck no!” Buccini chuckled but it lacked humour. On the contrary, it sounded freaked out.

“So you don’t mind me sending this to your father?” Dick waved his phone in front of Buccini’s face like a visual reminder of his leverage.

“You can’t do that!”

“Watch me.” A chill through Jason when Dick said that. It was oddly attractive to see Dick let out his bad side.

“You’re bluffing! You don’t have his number!”

“I do, actually, but if you don’t want to believe me, you can just wait it out- see what happens when I hit send.”

“I don’t even have the info you want!”

“Too bad.” Jason admired Dick’s cool in this, his face was giving nothing away. Buccini called for his guards, in a last, ditch effort to get out of the situation.

“Oh, they won’t hear you.”

“What?”

“They’re sound asleep.” The grin Dick was sporting should not have been attractive, but God, it was. Jason could see why people were swooning when Nightwing saved them.

“Wait- wait,” he made a placating hand gesture; sweat had gathered on his face “I don’t know the guy. I’ve never talked to him in person.”

“But you did talk to him.”

“Once. Over the phone. He said I could keep the guns if I set up everything like he wanted me to.”

“And you did.”

“What was I supposed to do, huh? Say no to that? Are you mad?”

“What did he sound like?”

Buccini looked at Dick with an expression that made shivers run down Jason’s spine. Something unsettling hovered in the air between them.

“Crazy.”

“What?”

“ _He sounded batshit crazy.”_

* * *

Jason had been drinking for the past hour. Dick didn’t know why Buccini’s description had unsettled him so much but it evidently had. He also suspected that Jason was trying to erase the memory of the guy’s hands on him. Dick didn’t blame him. He just wished Jason wouldn’t drink himself stupid.

Sometime later, Jason was dozing off, leaned back against the booth. Dick decided then to call it a night. He wondered briefly how Jason could sleep with the loud music all around them.

“Come on. Up with you,” he pulled at Jason’s lax arm until Jason blinked up at him. Not awake but not asleep either.

“Don’- don’t wanna- isss comf- comfortable…” It sounded strangely sweet to hear Jason so out of it.

“Jay- you can come to my place, okay? You like the couch there, remember?” Why he was trying to reason with someone so obviously drunk, was beyond him. But Jason did stand at those words, so Dick counted it as a win. They made it outside and towards the cabs with Jason tumbling all the way. Dick managed to place himself and Jason both in the car without too many difficulties. Although, how exactly he accomplished that with all of Jason’s weight hanging off of him was a beyond comprehension.

“Sleep,” Jason mumbled into Dick’s shoulder and Dick about melted. If he had known Jason would be so adorable, he would have invited him out for drinks much earlier. It was the pout, Dick decided that made Jason look his age for once, carefree, normal even. He behaved like all the things that had happened hadn’t happened at all. Just when the dark thoughts threatened to overwhelm him, he felt a pull at his shirt.

“Come back?”

“Huh?”

“Back.” Jason sounded put out about it, like Dick had stolen his favourite cookies again.

“I didn’t go anywhere, Jay…” Dick chuckled, cardings his fingers through Jason’s hair. He finally got to touch that shock of white Jason insisted on keeping. At the beginning, Dick hadn’t been all too fond of it because it had served as a visible reminder of what Jason had gone through. But now, Dick wouldn’t miss it for the world. Not when it had become such a vital part of who Jason was now, of the man Dick had fallen so hard for.

“You went away. In your head.”

“Don’t be silly.”

“’m not stupid, Dickie, I c’n always tell…” with that, and with a painful lurch of Dick’s heart, Jason nuzzled his face into Dick’s shoulder and remained there.

“Of course, you can, Little Wing,” Dick murmured softly, “of course, you can.”

He allowed himself to pull Jason closer and just breathe in his scent for a minute. If he was right about the amount of alcohol Jason had had to drink, his chances were high, Jason wouldn’t remember the snuggling in the morning. Dick could indulge in it without having to fear being shoved away again. And feeling Jason breathe against his neck sent tingles down his spine and made his heart ache pleasantly.

* * *

He had no idea how they had made it to Dick’s apartment without any injuries because Jason was clinging to him like an octopus. Dick left him leaning against the wall to get some water and when he returned, he found Jason staring at him with wide eyes.

Without meaning to, he shoved the glass at him a little too harshly. Jason made a startled sound and then dissolved into- into-

Dick’s brain went offline for a second.

Was that- did Jason just _giggle_?

Oh no. Ooooh no. Not that too. Dick was screwed. Completely, utterly, irrevocably screwed. This was entirely unfair. Holy shit.

“Heh. Tastes good,” Jason pointed at the water.

“You shoul’ try it.” He shoved it at Dick with about as much precision as one could expect when shitfaced drunk. Needless to say, the water spilled all over Dick’s shirt.

Jason looked sheepish when he played with the hem of his own shirt.

“Sorry,” he muttered, cheeks turning increasingly red.

Who would have thought, Jason would be such a happy drunk?

“You’re really drunk, aren’t you, Jay?” Dick asked without expecting an answer. He couldn’t help the smile from showing on his face.

Jason nodded, biting his lips before he blinked at Dick with big eyes.

“Wanna dance with you,” Jason mumbled, the tips of his ears burning bright red, like it was a huge confession. Maybe, Dick supposed, it was. 

“What?” Now Dick felt like he was sitting in the wrong movie and had missed half the plot.

“Dance with me?” And he made it sound so alluring, almost impossible to resist.

“You’re drunk.” Dick tried one last excuse, knowing already that it was for naught. Jason wouldn’t even have to ask again for Dick to break. The decision had been made the second Jason had requested it but Dick at least had to pretend to have a little more self-control.

“C’n still dance. Like in the club.”

“You liked that, didn’t you?” Dick chuckled, memory still vividly present. And God, had Jason looked fantastic pressed against him like that.

“Yeah.” With that, Jason pulled Dick in. He had, however not quite managed the right amount of strength, which prompted Dick to collide hard with his shoulder. Dick saw him open his mouth, probably to apologise, but he shook his head and grabbed Jason by the hips instead. It didn’t matter that there was no music, that the lights in the living room were still on.

“I like you like this,” Dick felt comfortable admitting. He would bet his life, Jason’s memory would be wiped clean come morning.

“Like wha’?”

“Relaxed. Giggly.”

“’m not giggly.” He said it with such a beautifully shy glint in his eyes that Dick almost melted on the spot. His fingers tightened on Jason’s hips.

“No?”

“Nope,” he grinned around the “p”, looking ten years younger than usual. For a second, Dick saw the fifteen-year-old who had wrapped Bruce around his little finger. It wasn’t hard to imagine. Dick still had trouble saying “no” to that face.

However, when he felt Jason’s hand hover over his collar for too long, the word was already at the tip of his tongue. Jason, still focussed on that spot, didn’t seem to notice. He pulled at something and Dick needed a moment to understand that it was his zipper Jason was trying to open. Before Dick could even say anything in regards to that, Jason caught his eyes, looking rather put out.

“What?”

“I- your zipper’s stuck…” and he sounded adorably confused about it too. It had the added effect of sobering Dick right up. He brought some distance in between them, ignoring Jason’s pout.

“You’re drunk. We can’t do that.”

“Dick-”

“Nope. You’re gonna sleep it off and then we’re having a nice long chat about all of this, alright?”

“Dick-” Jason protested again, stepping closer but not without a wobble. It only strengthened Dick’s resolve.

“Hm?” he was resolutely not looking at Jason, the lure of his eyes too real to confront.

“Please?” For fuck’s sake. Did he have to pull out all the stops? Dick loved hearing Jason say “please”, for reasons he didn’t want to discuss right now.

“No.”

“Not even a little?” Dick nearly scratched his arm raw in an attempt to stop himself from reaching out.

“Nope.” He had to keep his head clear and not give in to the temptation. Briefly he thought it almost funny, the amount of seducing Jason was doing tonight. If only he wasn’t the prey in this.

“But-” Jason’s eyes were pleading now too, that teal so alluring like water after starvation.

“No.” Resolute, Dick reminded himself, be resolute. Don’t give in.

“Don’ you wan’ me?” Oh, for all that is holy. Was Dick supposed to say no to that? Of course, he wanted Jason. More than anything in the world. But he couldn’t say that now, could he?

“Do you really have to ask me that?” Jason nodded, biting his lip. But he didn’t look like he was being coy, rather like he really didn’t know. It broke Dick’s heart a little.

“Fine,” he sighed, “of course I want you, Jay. But I want you to be sober when we do this.”

“Why?” Like that wasn’t obvious. Sometimes, Jason really was an idiot.

“Because I want- I need you to remember.” Silence spread between them, like Jason needed a moment to think. After a minute or two, Jason nodded, biting his lip.

“’kay.”

“Yeah?”

“I jus’-” he stepped closer, fists clenching like he was fighting an impulse “kiss me?”

Dick startled back, nearly falling over backwards “What?”

“Kiss me?” His voice was quiet, his eyes downcast.

“Why?” Dick felt like someone had stolen his breath and refused to give it back.

“Want to know…”

“What do you want to know, Jay?”

“What it feels like…”

“Kissing me?”

“Yeah.”

“But you know- we- we kissed already…” He didn’t quite know why he was so actively sabotaging this. Only, in his mind, he kept thinking Jason would run should he give in. At least, in the morning, when his head had cleared and he was stone-cold sober. Then, Jason would panic and would leave Dick with the memory of his lips on Dick’s and his heart in his hands. Dick didn’t know if he could take that. Giving him that part of himself and watch Jason run away after.

“Doesn’ count.”

“Doesn’t it?”

“No. Want it to be real this time.” And that was it. The last nail in the coffin. The metaphorical last straw. Dick nearly flew into motion, stalking forward until he almost collided with Jason, flinging his arms around his neck and pulling him in.

“Just once, okay?” he whispered, throat tight. Jason nodded, eyes already fluttering close. Dick leaned in, savouring their proximity, the way he could feel Jason’s entire body vibrate with energy. He smelled the alcohol on him, but, underneath there was something so inherently Jason that made Dick feel like he was floating. Intoxicating, Dick thought just before his lips met Jason’s. They were as soft as Dick remembered them to be, as plush to kiss. Dick let his tongue brush the seam of Jason’s lips once, before Jason’s mouth fell open and his hands tightened around Dick’s waist.

When had they gotten there?

Dick had no idea. He also, very much didn’t care.

“Thanks…” Jason breathed before stepping back. Dick mourned the loss of contact, breathing hard. He didn’t know how Jason was able to step back so easily when he himself hadn’t had the strength.

“Don’t thank me for kissing you,” he said, finding it rather absurd. Kissing Jason was, by no means, a chore. Jason graced him with a rare smile, cheeks dusted pink.

“We should go to bed, it’s late,” Dick suggested, mentally fighting the image of Jason spread out on his midnight blue sheets.

“Couch.”

“What?”

“I’ll take the couch.”

“No, you’re not.” At least not if he really wanted to.

“Dickie-” and now Jason sounded highly amused.

“No- you’re not sleeping on the couch. You’ll have the worst hangover anyway and a crick in your neck to accompany it. If you’re not comfortable with sleeping in bed with me, I’ll take the couch.”

“’m not uncomfortable- thought you were…”

“Oh.” Dick’s heart swelled when he realised what exactly Jason was saying. Instead of an answer, he grabbed Jason’s hand and pulled him towards the bedroom.

“Do you want a shirt?” He offered, already rummaging through his drawer to find something that could fit Jason.

His mumbled response of “yes please” only made Dick breathe a little faster. He had to remind himself not to jump Jason – again – a voice in his head supplied.

Finally having found an oversized shirt, he held it up for Jason to take.

“Thanks,” Without any warning, Jason pulled his own shirt over his head, effectively stripping down. Dick instantly turned away, not ready to face such alluring nudity quite yet.

“Bit tight but not bad…” Dick took it as his cue to turn around. And there he was, dressed in only a white shirt and boxers, looking like an ad for sleepwear straight out of Dick’s fantasies. He gulped.

“You gonna change too?” Jason asked in an eerily similar manner to earlier when Dick had put on those indecently tight leather pants. Dick nodded, mouth salivating.

Once he returned to the bedroom, Jason was still standing in the middle of the room looking lost.

“What’s wrong?”

“Waitin’ for you.” Dick barely suppressed a whimper. How perfect can someone be? It was like Jason was everything Dick wanted, everything he thought he could never have in a partner, so sure he would always have to compromise somewhere. 

Instead of voicing any of those thoughts, Dick simply laid down, gesturing for Jason to join him. After some moving around, they both settled down, a good three inches separating them.

“Fair warnin’,” Jason mumbled “nightmares.”

“Fair warning,” Dick mirrored “me too.”

Jason stared at him, eyes comically wide before breaking out into laughter. It died down slowly after but Jason seemed more at ease, a little less restless.

“Sleep well, Jay,” Dick whispered, wanting to reach out and kiss him again but knowing, he couldn’t.

“See ya in the mornin’, Dickie,” he said it like he knew Dick was afraid he would be gone, like a promise, he would still be there.

* * *

_Fuck._

His head hurt.

Hangover then.

And a bad one at that.

Why did he get so fucking drunk again? On a mission no less. He should have been better. There had to be a reason though. What had he been doing?

Mission.

Mafioso.

Buccini.

_Groping._

And he was sick. Great.

He sat up, feeling his stomach turn. The room spun before his eyes. With shaky fingers, he got a hold of the mattress to keep himself grounded, putting one foot on the ground.

Wait a minute.

_Bed._

Whose bed?

He barely managed to look at the figure lying beside him, too many horrid suggestions in his head.

Oh no.

Oh no, no, no.

That’s Dick. No question about it. This was Dick’s bed and Dick’s shirt and Dick’s face and Dick’s everything. _What had he done?  
_

It was the exact moment his stomach gave up on him and he rushed to the bathroom. Barely in time he reached the toilet before throwing up.

Ugh. That was why he shouldn’t drink so much.

He was still heaving when a sudden snippet of a memory flashed brightly in his mind. Kissing. Kissing Dick, asking for it. Jesus fuck, he should abstain from ever drinking again. How pathetic.

Dick must have thought he was so desperate.

Another wave of nausea hit him, even though, he wasn’t sure if it was the hangover causing it or the memories still incoming. Another snippet, this time of him and Dick dancing. One of Jason being groped by their target, kissed forcefully while his mind had longed for Dick to be the one doing it.

He was sick again, retching a few times.

“Jay? Are you okay?” Dick’s voice rang loudly from the other side of the door, sounding concerned. Jason curled in on himself, shivers wrecking his body. He felt trapped.

“Yeah,” he croaked out, panic washing over him once more.

“I made breakfast- just- if you want to come out…”

“Gimme a second!” he yelled, praying Dick would think he was sick and not flipping out. His hopes were crushed when he heard Dick sigh even through the door.

“I can stay in the bedroom until you have snuck out.” It was the resignation in his tone that made Jason crumble. They had been dancing around this for far too long. Time to face the music.

“No- no, I’ll be out in a second. I promise.” He just couldn’t do this to Dick. Not this time.

With trembling hands, he washed his face, shocked to see the paleness of his skin, the bags under his eyes. He desperately wanted to brush his teeth but didn’t think he should just use Dick’s toothbrush. After psyching himself up in the mirror, he opened the door and stepped outside.

“Are you okay? You look-” Dick paused, biting his lip.

“You can saw I look like shit, Dickie, there’s no need to spare my feelings.”

“I was going to say you look sick.” Jason itched to hit something, surprised by the sudden violent impulse. He was doing all of this wrong. Snapping at Dick wouldn’t make this conversation any better.

“Have breakfast with me?” The request startled him. He would have thought Dick would come straight to the point.

“But-”

“We can talk after.” Dick’s voice was a little strained, like he was nervous too. It settled the anxiety in Jason’s veins and he followed Dick into the kitchen without another word.

“Bacon?” Dick shoved it at him, not waiting for an answer. Jason almost slung down the eggs Dick had propped on his plate, savouring the grease of the bacon. They ate in silence for a few minutes, not looking at each other. Jason felt the tension in the air with his entire body but refused to acknowledge it quite yet. Only after Dick had put away the dishes and was sitting down on the couch, gesturing for Jason to join him, did he speak up.

“About last night-”

“Yeah?” Dick sounded almost eager, like he was trying not to hope but couldn’t help himself.

“I- you said you liked me like that…” it hadn’t been what he wanted to say but the memory had popped up so suddenly, he couldn’t leave it unaddressed.

“Huh? Oh yeah, I did- I mean- I do.” The definite blush on Dick’s cheeks soothed Jason a bit.

“So you like me drunk?” he tried to joke, but Dick’s face remained solemn.

“No,” he countered “I like you relaxed.”

“Oh.”

“Jay-” Dick breathed in, a tremor running through him that Jason interpreted as a sign of nerves “look, I- I want to be clear here…” another audible breath and then Dick said “I want to be with you.”

Jason’s brain short circuited. He had been prepared for everything but such a direct declaration.

“I like you- I really like you, Jay,” he chuckled dryly “have for a long time actually. And what happened yesterday- I just-” Jason could see how hard this was for Dick to voice.

“I want you,” he said, determination in his eyes “I just- I want you to know that.”

Jason couldn’t help himself, he had to ask “are you sure? Because- if you’re not-”

“I am,” Dick interrupted him “I’m sure.”

“I-” He didn’t know how to say that he wanted all of that too, that he was so head over heels for Dick that it wasn’t even funny anymore but something held him back.

“You don’t need to say it. I’m- I don’t need that. Not now at least. Just- if you could just say yes or no that’d be- that’d be good.”

“Yes.” Without having to think about it, without any pause or hesitation, the word was out. Dick’s mouth fell open, his eyes widened.

“Yes?”

“Yes,” he confirmed once again, against the lump in his throat.

“Kiss me?” Dick asked, sounding choked up to a point where it couldn’t be healthy. Jason flushed, feeling hot, when he was reminded of himself asking for that very same thing last night. This time, it was Jason leaning in, keeping eye contact until the very last second before his lips found Dick’s. He tasted like bacon but also like something more, something Jason didn’t think he could have. It was addicting. Utterly. And it would be his downfall if he let it go to his head. There was no escaping Dick’s all-consuming brightness, though, no chance of resistance of being sucked in.

_Dick had him._

Completely.

The though should have been unsettling, should have scared him but it didn’t.

The kiss deepened, hands wandered. Jason’s cheeks flared hot when he remembered Dick’s hands trailing down his chest to the button of his jeans last night.

“Let me take this off,” Dick suggested, fingers already under Jason’s borrowed shirt. Hearing Dick so out of breath did something to Jason, so he lifted his arms to let Dick take off the shirt. Despite being uncomfortable in his own skin, knowing how it looked, how many scars littered his chest, he let himself be undressed. Dick knew those scars were there. He hadn’t remarked on them before, not in a negative way. Jason realised, he trusted him. It was a marvellous revelation.

The shirt came off and Jason leaned in again, wanting to resume the kissing when he noticed Dick staring. However, the dread filling him turned out to be entirely without reason. Because Dick wasn’t staring at his scars, but at something else entirely. Jason couldn’t help but smirk, feeling a lot better about his looks at the way Dick’s pupils were dilating just from the sight of him.

“What? Didn’t see it last time you stripped me down to nothing?”

“I didn’t look!” Dick spluttered indignantly, completely outraged at the suggestion of improper behaviour. That from the guy who Jason was sure had been more than a little possessive last night. And handsy too.

“Sure, Goldie. Whatever you say.”

“Since when- since when do you have it?” Dick sounded awfully strangled, now that Jason thought about it. Which was very good to know. His fingers found the spot just above Jason’s ribs then, right next to his autopsy scar. Jason sucked in a breath. No one had ever touched him there, not with this much tenderness, this much _want_.

“Been a while,” he ground out fighting the urge to press Dick’s hand against it harder “A little after I got back.”

“With the white streak?” Unconsciously, Jason let his fingers twist around the strand. The white part didn’t feel any different than the rest but he imagined it made something in him settle, knowing just where it was.

“Yeah. Sort of a package deal.”

“Does it mean something?”

“Yeah.”

“Tell me?” The request came so softly, like Dick wasn’t sure he was allowed to even ask. Jason didn’t even consider denying him. Dick deserved to know.

“Rebirth.”

“So you got it right after?”

“No. Only when I was-” he had to fight the memories of the pit for a second before he could continue “only when I was really back.”

“It’s beautiful.” Jason felt something fierce tug at his heart. He never imagined Dick would say that to him. It made him feel delicate to be called that.

Even if it was just his tattoo.

* * *

The entire way to the manor Dick didn’t encounter one red light. It seemed like even the weather was on his side today, like nothing could go wrong. Maybe that should have made him suspicious but, for the moment, all he could think about was Jason’s lips on his.

He walked through the door with a bounce to his step which hadn’t been there for a long time.

When Alfred passed him in the hallway, he stopped him “You seem to be in a remarkably good mood, Master Dick.”

“Yeah I am, it’s a great day,” he knew the smile on his face was far too cheery for everyone connected to Bruce Wayne but he couldn’t help himself.

“I am glad to see that.”

“Does your good mood, by chance, have to do with Master Jason?”

“How on earth-” he shouldn’t be surprised though, should he? Alfred always knew everything.

“I have seen the picture Master Timothy so poorly concealed,” Dick should have been embarrassed but he somehow couldn’t bring himself to when the memory of Jason’s smile was so overtly present on his mind.

“You should not wait too long to tell Master Bruce.”

It took everything he had to ask “So you approve?”

“You two have always had a rather interesting relationship, Master Dick. I am will admit that I am not surprised it turned out this way.”

“You knew?” At this point, it wasn’t really a question but more of a statement Dick wanted confirmation on.

“If I may be honest,” he nodded, probably giving the impression of an over-eager puppy “apart from Master Bruce, everyone knows.”

“Great.” Screw discretion and subtlety then. They obviously needed to learn a great deal more about their poker faces.

“It also means, you have the support of your family, Master Dick. Do not forget that.”

“Thanks, Alfie,” Dick held back on the urge to pull Alfred into a hug, aware that Alfred would find it concerningly improper.

“I’ll tell Jay you said that.” He could almost see Jason blushing when he heard the news.

“I shall hope so.” With that, and a discreet smile, Alfred continued his path down the hall. 

Dick remained where he was for a moment longer, mulling all of it over in his head. He would have to talk to Jason about telling Bruce. He knew Jason would be hesitant, however, if Bruce found out from someone else, it would be a worse scenario. Dick also felt like Bruce deserved to be told, they owed it to him to be honest about their relationship. At least, Jason and Bruce were on much better footing now than they had been a few years ago.

Dick was ripped out of his thoughts when he heard Bruce yell “I told you not to touch it!”

He sprinted in the direction of where the voice had come from, finding Bruce and Damian in the cave.

“Do you know what they could do with this? How much you put on the line for your curiosity?”

“I did not know we were being recorded, father. This is not my fault!” Damian was yelling right back, standing up on his toes like he was still twelve and not almost as tall as his father.

“If you had listened to me they wouldn’t have a video now!” Now, Dick thought, this didn’t seem fair. They had all been caught off guard.

“But you are on it as well! You removed the pillar!”

“That is different!” Yeah, right. Because Batman never made mistakes. Dick rolled his eyes.

“No it is not! I refuse to be blamed for this!” Bruce breathed in then, likely to make another hideous point. Dick decided enough was enough and stepped in.

“What happened?”

“Video,” Bruce snapped, pointing at the screen.

“Two videos,” Damian corrected, crossing his arms over his chest.

“One is showing Batman and me, the other shows Brown and Cain.”

“What?”

“I want this resolved! None of you have anything new! How is it that none of you do your work!”

“Bruce-” Dick snapped, fed up with the accusations. Jason had been highly uncomfortable last night to the point where he felt like he needed to drink himself stupid. Dick would not stand for this.

“We have the phone number and a description too. A little vague but we have something. Quit being so unfair!”

“Send it to me!” Bruce barked, “I have to be at a meeting in twenty minutes.” With that, he stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

“He’s just stressed, I wouldn’t give too much about what he says,” Dick tried consoling Damian who was staring at the door with his eyes narrowed. Despite his posturing, Dick knew Damian felt the brunt of Bruce’ disappointment. 

“I am tired,” Damian shoved past Dick after a moment of frozen contemplation, “I will be in my room.”

“Damian.”

“I do not wish to be interrupted.” The tone broke no argument, biting and harsh.

“Dami-”

“I will see you at dinner, Richard.” Things were bad. Really bad. Dick had rarely seen that expression on Damian’s face. Having both Bruce and Tim against him was taken a toll on him with epic proportions. Dick vowed to do something if things didn’t get resolved soon. Maybe talk to Jason about it. He usually had a pretty good idea on how to talk to Tim.

And Bruce- well Bruce was another matter.

* * *

The entire kitchen smelled like tomato and cheese. It was a heavenly scent, reminding him of home. Jason was just about to put the lasagne in the oven, when his phone rang. He was glad he had put it on speaker phone because Stephanie was yelling into the receiver the second he picked up. At least, his eardrums would stay intact now.

“Oh come on, Steph, you can’t seriously tell me, you don’t get it,” he said when she was finally done with her tirade and let him get a word in. 

“But I don’t. I don’t get it. How’s that logical?” He understood her outrage, hell, he’d been angry too.

“He’s Nightwing! Why are you even surprised?”

“So what?” Jason scoffed, like that wasn’t obvious.

“Nightwing, like it or not, is the one guy – the one fucking guy – everyone else trusts. Police, vigilantes, capes, cowls, doesn’t matter. They _trust_ him.” It had proven an essential difference, the deciding weight on the scales if you will. Because Dick was the only one who didn’t get the same response from the public like the others had. Under his video, people were calling it a scam, demanding more proof, refusing to believe Nightwing was a bad guy. It hadn’t surprised Jason at all, not with the way Dick had always behaved. This was Dick Grayson after all.

“But why? What makes him so special?”

“Because he’s _good_! Don’t you get it? He’s good.” If he had to sum up Dick, this would have been enough.

“And we’re not?” The tinge of sadness, of resignation made Jason continue less harshly.

“No. Not like that.”

“I take offense to that,” she said but her tone had changed to playful.

“That’d be incredibly stupid but go ahead,” he responded in kind, hoping to keep her in a good mood and not let her drop to where he had been two weeks ago. Angry. Violent. Full of rage.

“I just- we’ve done so much for this city and that’s how they repay us? And Dick’s the only one who gets out scot free with his reputation untarnished?” She still sounded incredulous, but less biting.

“Yep.”

“It’s not fair.” Said the petulant child, he thought with a smirk.

“No, it’s not.”

“But you’re working on it, right?” She still believed in them, that much was evident. And it made Jason’s heart flutter. Maybe Dick was right and the whole big brother thing wasn’t that bad.

“Yeah, but it’s going slow.”

“I’ll call Tim, maybe I can help.” He would kiss her feet if she did.

“That’d be great,” he had initially wanted to ask her the exact same thing but didn’t want to bother her while she was under so much stress, “don’t mention the demon while you’re at it, though, or he’ll hang up.” He spoke from experience after attempting a conversation with Tim that had promptly been ended when Jason had dared bring up Damian.

“Are they still not talking?” That made him chuckle.

“Nope. Damian fucked up really bad on this one. And- well- Tim too if you ask me.” He didn’t think it was his place to call Tim out but he also felt sympathetic to Damian because of what Tim had said. Same boat and all that.

“I heard.”

“Both sides?” He couldn’t help but enquire, feeling it unlikely that she had talked to Damian about it.

“Tim’s.”

“You might want to hear Damian’s too before you call for war.” Which was no embellishment. With how tense things were at the moment, Tim could easily murder Damian in his sleep. And likewise too, although Jason suspected that Tim was the one driven by anger. Damian, on the other hand, as hard as that was too believe, seemed more hurt than anything else.

“That bad?”

“Yep.”

“Tim screwed up this time, didn’t he?”

“Sure did.” She was quiet for a minute, probably having to digest all of what Jason had just fed her with. When she spoke up again, she sounded incredulous “Didn’t think I’d see the day you’d defend the little brat.”

“Same here,” Jason chuckled thinking back to all their volatile arguments “but this time- it’s- I think he’s hurt.”

“Hurt?” Stephanie pronounced the word like she didn’t know its meaning.

“Hurt,” Jason reiterated, “Tim really got to him.”

“For God’s sake what did he say then?”

“Not my place to tell- just wanted to let you know that there’s a bit more to it than Tim wants to acknowledge.” He really hoped Steph could set Tim right again. It wouldn’t be the first time.

“Why tell me anything then? If you can’t tell me the full story.”

“’cause they’re really hostile to each other like I haven’t seen in years. And I- it was either you or the Super.” 

“And you don’t want Kon to get involved again because…” Because, if he was right, Damian would have a fit, he thought but didn’t say. What he said, however was as much of the truth as he could without giving anything away.

“Because it would make it worse.”

“If you’re going where I think you’re going then this is one hell of a mess.” And, of course, she had caught on. Smart cookie after all.

“You tell me…”

“Fine,” she sighed “I can’t promise anything but I’ll talk to him.”

“Good. Also keep your ears open for anything on those videos.” At least he had that off his plate for now. He just couldn’t with the insults and the spiteful comments and the constant passive aggressiveness in every conversation he had with Tim. Especially now that their reputations were at stake.

“You have it.” He felt a smile tug at the corners of his lips. That was his girl. He had always known, he liked her for a reason.

“Bye Steph.”

“Bye idiot.”

Only after the line went dead did Jason realise he hadn’t talked to her about Dick. Despite initially wanting to, he couldn’t bring himself to open up. He just wanted to keep it close to his chest for a little longer.

* * *

The text hadn’t shocked him exactly. That would be pathetic. He was merely a little intimidated, that’s all. Yep. Nothing to see here.

Fine, he was freaking out. But only because he had never been on a date, least of all with Dick. The guy had so much experience, had probably dated half of Gotham and now Jason was supposed to fill those shoes. He had no idea what the hell he was doing.

Even the idea of driving up there to pick up Dick was daunting. Jason still straddled his bike and kicked it into gear. All the way over, his mind was occupied with everything that could go wrong. He almost turned right back around but managed to resist the temptation.

He let himself in, not seeing Alfred in the hall and walking up the stairs towards Dick's room. Just before he could knock, he heard it. Bruce' voice, coming from his office and sounding quite upset. Jason walked towards it, not meaning to listen but simultaneously curios. 

“What? That he’s disappointing me?” Jason stopped dead in his tracks. Those words out of Bruce’ mouth rarely meant something good. He listened as best as he could for a clue on the person Bruce was talking about.

“This is ridiculous. Why wouldn’t I care that they are involved?” White hot panic seared through him when he realised that this call was about Dick and Jason. So Bruce knew. Fuck. He had hoped they could lead up to that.

“Of course, that matters. What- do you think I’d just turn my back and say nothing?” Apparently, the person on the phone, whoever it was, disagreed with Bruce. Jason wanted to walk away. Like an accident waiting to happen, he remained pressed against the door, a hollow feeling in his chest like someone had carved out his heart. 

“What makes you think- did you- no- of course not- he’s not good enough!” That hit its mark. Jason just knew Bruce was talking about him. There was no way he meant Dick- Dick who could never do anything wrong, who was always perfect.

“It’s Dick- do I need to remind you what happened last time?” Jason had no idea what Bruce was referring to, which last time he meant and he didn’t want to know. Not anymore. But Bruce wasn’t finished.

“I will not listen to this! Are you meaning to tell me- no- questionable taste- no- I don’t agree with that in the slightest!” Apparently, the person on the other end of the line had tried to convince Bruce to give Dick and Jason a chance. And Bruce wasn’t having it. Something fierce broke in Jason when he realised that nothing had changed. Bruce still thought of him the same way as before.

“I don’t care what you think- none of your business- no- it’s not- to accept this!”

“No- never- this is inacceptable- I will not- no- it has nothing to do- well- kept saying Jason isn’t good enough for Dick- that’s all I’ll say on this!” And there he had it. Here it was. His entire being shattered into pieces at hearing Bruce confirm his worst fear.

“Good day!” Jason stumbled back, away from the door, feeling his pulse race and his breath come short. He should have known. He shouldn’t have been this stupid. Of course, Bruce disapproved. That should have been obvious.

How could he have been so blind? 

* * *

Dick entered the cave having heard commotion down here and saw Jason push his bike towards the door. Something was off though, a tension palpable in the air. Dick barely had time to sort out what was wrong when Jason noticed him and his face scrunched up. He let go of the bike, slowly walking towards Dick until he was only a few inches away. He wouldn’t meet Dick’s eyes, though, instead staring at a point somewhere to his right.

“I didn’t know you were here,” Dick began, hoping to rip Jason out of whatever awful thing his mind was telling him. Jason sucked in a breath, fists clenching at his sides.

With too much emotion in his voice, he said “We need to talk.” The sucker punch to Dick’s gut at those words was leaving him breathless.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, despite knowing there was. Jason wouldn’t behave like this is there wasn’t.

“Just- I need you to listen to me, ‘kay?”

“Well, now you’re scaring me,” Dick said, hoping against all hope that the sickening turn of his stomach was just his imagination.

“Dick…” Jason pinched the bridge of his nose, noticeably distraught. The action worried Dick, he was instantly filled with dread. After a long pause, Jason lifted his eyes and caught Dick’s gaze.

He was oddly calm when he said “I don’t want it…”

He was sick, bile rising in his throat. His insides clenched painfully. His mouth felt suddenly dry.

“You don’t want what?” He asked, even though, given their conversation, he knew perfectly well what Jason was referring to. He just didn’t want to acknowledge it yet.

“Us against the world. I don’t want that, Dickie. I don’t want you to have to justify this at each and every turn.”

“Jason-” Don’t do this, Dick pleaded in his mind. Don’t leave me. Not after all I went through to get to you. _Don’t, Jay. Don’t you dare._

“No. Believe it or not but I’m not this selfish. There’s no way B is going to be okay with this. Damian too. I don’t know about Tim, but Babs and the rest of them…” he breathed in shakily “they’re not gonna be forthcoming and I don’t want- I don’t want that for you.”

“Jason-” Dick reached out to stop him but all he managed was to touch Jason’s jacket with his fingers before Jason slipped out of the door.

“It’s better this way, Dickie,” Dick heard him say from the hallway. Every instinct screamed at him to follow Jason but the impact of his words kept him rooted to the spot. The pit in his stomach felt like freefalling from the edge of a cliff. 

* * *

It hit differently. This hit differently. Jason had imagined this scenario so many times but never like this. Not once had he thought he would be the one to break it off. It had never occurred to him that this could happen. That he would have to make the call.

He had always known, he would be the one who got hurt in this. But the expression of pure pain on Dick’s face made him recoil. He had always been so sure it would be the other way around. That Dick would ultimately break his heart. That there was no way he would ever be able to walk away from Dick.

And now, now the manor was farer away with every mile he drove. His entire body burned with the pain of leaving Dick behind, of never feeling his touch, seeing him smile like that. At least not at Jason.

He had been so entirely, so utterly unprepared for this. Maybe because, for a time, for just a second, he had let himself be fooled. He had genuinely thought he had had it all. That he could have Dick and be happy and get what he wanted. Maybe that made the realisation that much harder, made it hurt that much more. Because now, he realised, he never had had Dick in the first place.

This was all an elaborate illusion his mind had fed him.

He had lived in his own fantasy and he had believed it. After all those years of being so careful with his heart, he had let himself fall and now he was crashing. What hurt the most though, was that he had really thought he could be happy, that he was allowed to have this one good thing. And now, it was being ripped away. He wanted to curse himself. He had known, from the start, that not having Dick was easier than having him and losing him.

Well, he had been right. Knowing what Dick felt like, knowing that Dick liked him – loved him even – made letting him go that much crueller. Hearing Dick plead with him not to go, to stay with him had almost torn him apart.

But it was better this way. It had to be better this way. Dick would have a nice life, a good life with someone who deserved him. There was no place for Jason. Dick would get over him. It would be okay.

And what did Jason’s heart matter in the end?

Nothing.

_Nothing at all._


	3. Sacrifice me...

> _Haven't you taken enough from me?_

The manor was too quiet. He should have been used to it, really. Such a huge house, so many empty hallways. A thunderstorm was hovering over the city, like even the weather wanted to remind him of Jason. Dick tossed in bed, unable to sleep. His mind kept going back to the pain on Jason’s face when he had told him it would better this way. A lie, like Dick knew perfectly well.

It wouldn’t be better.

He didn’t want better.

_He wanted Jason._

Rain clashed against the windows, the only noise capable of silencing Dick’s thoughts at the moment. He had contemplated talking to Tim, talking to Damian or Alfred. But neither seemed a good option. Not for this situation. Dick sighed, fingers pulling at his hair. He felt like Jason had left behind a hole and now the rain was coating the insides of his chest and making him drown.

When he heard a loud roar of thunder, saw a bolt of lightning explode, he instantly thought back to Jason’s panic attack on the roof. If only he could be with him now. Jason must feel awful. For a second, he mulled it over, but realised he wasn’t allowed to look after Jason. Only…

Jason hadn’t said that, had he? He had only said that they couldn’t be together, not that Dick couldn’t check up on him. He struggled to stand up, blanket getting tangled around his legs.

The wind almost blew him off his bike on the way over to Jason’s. Or at least, what he hoped still was Jason’s apartment. If Jason hadn’t run away again. The thought made him sick and the bike slithered for a second. When he had gotten it back under control, he forced himself to breathe. There was no indication that Jason had left the city. He had left Dick. That was all. Not a big deal.

 _Whatever makes you feel better,_ a voice in his head snarled. He ignored it. Jason was still here, he just needed to get to him to make sure he didn’t have another panic attack.

He reached Jason’s apartment block ten minutes later, having sped a little. Bruce never needed to know and, in this weather, no cop would pull him over. Or even manage to follow him, fast as he was driving. After parking his bike in an alcove, he climbed up until he reached the window of Jason’s apartment. Sure, he _could_ have used the door. He also then could have watched Jason climb out of the very window he was now entering.

The apartment lay in darkness, no surprise there. It was exceptionally late after all. Dick almost felt guilty when he didn’t see Jason up and panicking. If he disrupted his sleep now – on the off-chance Jason actually was asleep – he wouldn’t forgive himself. Thanks to his luck, that wasn’t necessary. Because Jason was up. Dick almost had a heart-attack when Jason suddenly turned on a lamp next to his couch.

The one he was sitting on and where Dick hadn’t seen him.

“What the hell?” Jason snapped instantly “What are you doing here? Get the fuck out!” Okay. Dick might have misjudged the situation. Jason was evidently not having a panic attack. And he had also been wearing headphones. Probably to block out the noise. It didn’t change anything though. At least, now that he knew Jason wasn’t scared and that he was already in his apartment, they could very well talk.

“No!” he exploded, all of his anger and pain washing over him at once “You know, I’ve given this some thought and I came to a marvelling conclusion!” Dick was aware that his voice was dripping with sarcasm. The situation might have not warranted it but all the pain he had gone through in the last few hours had left quite the impression.

Jason scoffed, “I don’t care. I said what I said. There’s nothing else to discuss. And now, get out!”

No Sir. Not bloody likely. Dick was not going to leave. He had made his decision and he was going to see it through.

“No! I let you say your piece. You owe it to me to let me say mine!”

Jason didn’t answer verbally but he did make a gesture, Dick interpreted as a “go ahead”.

“You can’t decide for me, Jay.” His voice had minutely dropped to something lower, something almost soft.

“Dick-”

“Shut it!” Jason instantly snapped his mouth shut, eyes wide.

“You listen to me, Little Wing, because otherwise I’m going to be really angry.” Dick didn’t quite know where the dominant edge in his voice came from or why Jason responded so well to it, but here they were.

“I want to be with you! I don’t care if it’s us against the world!”

“But that’s exactly what I’m saying, Dick. I know _you_ don’t care, but I do.”

“Didn’t I just tell you to keep your mouth shut, Jay?” If looks could kill, well, Dick certainly wasn’t going there. Nevertheless, Jason fell silent once more.

“I get why you’re doing it. I do. But this isn’t just for you to decide.” Dick breathed in, readying himself for the emotional striptease he was about to do.

“To be honest, Jay,” Dick confessed, “I’ve wanted you for a really long time. Maybe inappropriately long. And I don’t care what anyone else has to say about it. Because I’ve had those thoughts too, every single one of them. Believe me, Little Wing, over the years, I’ve come up with each and every reason not to pursue you. And there were a lot.” He didn’t like revisiting those thoughts now, especially with Jason finally on this side of sanity.

“But?” Jason asked, sounding slightly strangled.

“But…” Dick scratched his head, felt his cheeks heat up “those feelings never changed. Even when you- even when you did what you did, I never-” he didn’t allow his eyes to drop to the floor.

 _“I never stopped wanting you.”_ It came out as a whisper and yet it was still too loud against the otherwise silent room.

“Dick-”

“I know, it’s- it’s exhausting to go against them at every opportunity, how it feels to be told you’re not good for me.”

“How?” Jason had evidently had enough of staying quiet “No offense, Big Bird, but how on earth would you know?” under his breath, Dick caught Jason mumble something like “not like you could ever do something wrong”.

Boy did Jason have a skewed view of Bruce’ and Dick’s relationship. Dick chuckled, but it had lacked humour. Jason could be so self-consciously obtuse sometimes.

“Don’t you think I got the speech too? Do you seriously believe this is all you? That he hasn’t told _me_ off too?”

Jason, unsurprisingly, had nothing to say to that. Likely because he hadn’t anticipated that.

“He’s not- things have changed, Jay. You can’t tell me, you haven’t noticed. It hasn’t been like that for a long time.”

“That’s not true.” He said it with vehemence but Dick still didn’t take it seriously. Jason sometimes saw enemies where there were none. And Bruce had eased a lot over the years. That much was evident by the fact that he had pulled Dick aside to tell him not to hurt Jason and to be sure before making a serious move. If that didn’t speak volumes about Bruce’ feelings on everything that was Jason, nothing did.

“Yes. It is. You’re just- sometimes, I think, you just want to hide behind it. So, you have an- an excuse for not giving this a try…”

“Dick-”

“If that’s the case- if you really don’t know how to let me down gently, then tell me,” Dick refused to acknowledge the tremble that went through him at the prospect.

“Tell me no, Jay.” The implied “or else” didn’t need to be voiced. Jason heard it loud and clear anyway.

“That’s not it!” Jason exploded, biting his lip when he realised just how aggressive that had come out. A little softer, he continued “It’s not that I don’t want this. I just- you keep saying it isn’t like that anymore, that he doesn’t- that he’s not…”

“Not what? Disappointed in you? Working against you?” There were so many possibilities of whatever scenario Jason’s head had come up with that Dick had trouble naming any. He knew, how hard it was for Jason to accept that he wasn’t on the outs anymore because he had been on his own for such a long time and relationships of any sort scared him. Despite their lives being so vastly different, Dick could still relate to that.

“Yeah.”

“But he’s not. I promise you, Jay, he’s not,” Dick ached to reach out to Jason but he forced himself not to. Jason didn’t look like he wanted physical contact right now. And Dick would always respect that.

“He gave me the speech too. And if you let yourself be discouraged this easily-”

“You didn’t hear him, Dickie…”

“What?” Dick got the fleeting impression that somewhere, somehow, something had gone wrong. They weren’t having the same conversation. Jason didn’t mean the shovel-talk.

_Shit._

If Bruce really fucked up again…

“When I was- when I came to pick you up- I heard…” Now Dick felt that unsettling pull in his stomach again. Whatever Jason had heard, there was a ninety percent chance he had misunderstood, but the remaining ten percent still worried him.

“What did you hear, Jay?” He almost didn’t want to ask for fear of the answer he might get.

“That I’m not good enough for you! That this is fucked up and I don’t deserve you! That I’m a disappointment, the last partner you should have! That they’ll never accept us- _me_! That it’ll always be a fight! And I can’t- Dick- I can’t do that anymore! I can’t fight like that every time I come to pick you up, at every mission, every conversation! I _can’t_ hear that every time!”

Dick believed him, believed every word. Jason truly couldn’t do that because if he did, it would break him. That much was evident.

“Jay-”

“No! I know what it sounds like! I know that it sounds like I’m giving up on you, like I won’t fight for you but that’s not it! I’m giving you a chance, Dickie- to be with someone better- someone who’s not…”

“Not _you_.” The words tasted bitter on Dick’s tongue. There _was_ no one else for him, no one who kept him on the ground like Jason did, no one who understood him like Jason did.

No one who _had him,_ like Jason did.

“Yeah. That too, I guess.” Jason made it sound like it wasn’t a big deal and it took Dick a minute too long to understand what that meant.

“But I want _you_ , Jay. I can’t just-” And he had tried. Even from the first moment on, when he had realised he was falling for Jason, he had actively fought to suppress those feelings.

“Give it a week…” It was meant as a joke. Dick knew, it was meant as a joke. But it infuriated him all the same that Jason still thought him this indecisive.

“No. I won’t give it a week!” he exploded “Because I’ve spent years trying to ignore those feelings, Jason. I don’t know where you got it from that I’m not as invested in this as you are but I am. I’m telling you that I am. There is nothing you can say that will make me want you any less. And I get what you’re saying, okay? I get it. But that doesn’t- that doesn’t change anything, Jay.”

“You’re delusional if you think this can work with them against us.” Maybe he was. Maybe they both were.

“I know!” he snapped. “I know that!”

“So what now? You won’t let it go and we can’t go on like this. Seems to me like there’s no out.” Dick heard the desperate note in Jason’s voice and realised just how trapped he must have felt in that moment.

“Let me- just let me think for a second.”

“Be my guest.” Jason let himself fall onto the couch, feet propped on the living room table. Dick was too out of it to remind him not to do that.

“There has to be an explanation,” Dick mumbled to himself. He had talked to Bruce too, but in this instance, he had been understanding, albeit with a raised brow.

“There is an explanation! He doesn’t want me with you!”

“No! That’s not it! There has to be something else…”

“Why are you so damn sure about that?”

“Because he talked to me too, Jay. And what he said wasn’t- it didn’t sound like he would just turn around and say that.” Dick refused to believe Bruce was that much of an asshole. That couldn’t be the case. Not after all those years and all his attempts at getting Jason back.

“Maybe he just told you what you wanted to hear. Ever think about that?”

“Actually, yes. I did,” Dick conceded, “but is that likely?”

“What do you mean?” Like Jason didn’t know that perfectly well. For God’s sake, it was like he was determined not to see things clearly.

“Is it likely that Bruce would just tell me something because he figured that’s what I wanted to hear? Does that sound like a Bruce thing to do?”

“No.”

“No.” Dick said, gesturing wildly for Jason to see the absurdity of this. Because Bruce didn’t do those things. He mostly didn’t even know what Dick wanted, least of all lie to him about accepting it. 

“He still said it, Dick,” resignation tinged Jason’s voice, that and exhaustion.

“I believe you,” Dick realised that needed to be said, “but I don’t believe he meant it.”

“What do you want to do then?” Jason’s tone had a sharp edge again but Dick didn’t take the bait.

“Let me talk to him?” He asked it softly as to not rile up Jason any further.

“And if it turns out, he meant it?” There was barely concealed fear in his voice that Dick knew was very real. He hoped Bruce wouldn’t disappoint Jason a second time.

“Then we’ll find a way to convince him, okay?” it was the least he could offer, the only way for him to make it ensure Jason would still be there, no matter the answer he got from Bruce.

“Dick-” his tone was careful, but not a “no” and Dick latched onto it.

“No. I want to be with you. And that’s final.” He sounded so much surer of himself than he felt.

“Just like that? You say that’s final and I don’t get a word in?”

“Yep.” It almost made Jason smile. Almost.

“Fine.” He stood from the couch, flinching when the thunder roared through the apartment, “I’ll go to bed- see if I can get an hour in before patrol.”

“I’ll talk to him, Jay, promise…” But Jason didn’t even look at him anymore. Instead, he had his eyes up on the ceiling, waving with one hand for Dick to stop talking.

“Whatever you say, Goldie.” With that, he left, disappearing into his bedroom. Dick stood there for a minute longer, contemplating his options. He didn’t quite know what to do with himself.

The only thing, he did know was that this conversation could have gone way worse than it had. At least, Jason hadn’t told him “no” a second time.

He could work with that.

* * *

All his resolutions to keep the conversation with Bruce timid and fair flew out of the window when he saw him sitting behind his desk and typing away like nothing had happened. Dick had no idea why it pissed him off so much but it did and before he could stop himself, he barged in, slamming the door in the process.

“How could you? You joked with me about it! If you disapproved that much, you should have told me!”

Bruce looked up, not shocked but confused and asked, mildly astounded “What are you talking about?”

Okay, maybe he really should have started differently, but after his talk with Jason and his own welling in self-pity afterwards, he was so riled up, he couldn’t think straight.

“Jason told me you don’t approve of our relationship, that you’ll never accept it!” There it was, out on the table. Bruce better had an explanation and a good one at that. Because Dick was not about to let Jason go.

“Why would he think that?” Not why would he _say_ that. The wording seemed to Dick a little strange.

“Because he heard you say it. On the phone.” Bruce looked at him for a while until he suddenly shook his head.

“That is not what happened.” But something had happened. Obviously.

“Don’t lie to me. He heard you.” And he believed Jason because the look on his face had been devastated when Dick had stumbled upon him in the cave.

“He must have heard wrong. I never said that. I was trying to explain the situation.”

“By saying Jason wasn’t good enough for me?” That didn’t make sense to Dick.

“No. It was the other way around,” Bruce fiddled with his pen “I was- I approve, Dick. I told you that already.” And Dick had believed him. He just hoped, he hadn’t been wrong on that one.

“Then how could he have heard you say the opposite, B?” and because it still hurt so damn much, he couldn’t help but blurt out “He’s- he broke up with me…”

“He what?” Bruce’ face instantly darkened, but Dick chose to believe it wasn’t because he was angry with Jason. At least, his tone hadn’t sounded like it.

“He broke up with me because he thinks it’s better this way- because you don’t want him to be with me…”

“That was _not_ my intention. Dick- I promise that is not what I said.”

“Then what _did_ you say? What did you say that made him so- so-”

“So?”

“So sad.” That one word made Bruce’ entire face crumble. The façade of control he used to portray was wiped away by that one word. Dick could see the conflict right there, the guilt even. Jason didn’t feel sad, he felt angry. Hearing Dick say that probably made Bruce realise just how dire the situation was.

“I was talking to Clark.”

“Kent?”

“Yes,” Bruce sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “He was concerned because of the things I told him about Jason when he was still- when he wasn’t well.”

“And you haven’t updated him since?” Dick could barely believe that. The two of them, if not always in agreement, were thick as thieves most of the time. In their own way.

“No- I did- I did update him but he was concerned about you getting hurt and wanted to know if I thought Jason was good enough to be with you. He wasn’t- I don’t think he meant it the way it came out but I was getting heated.” Misunderstanding. Of course. Jason had a tendency for those.

“So, to sum it up- Jason heard the wrong end of the conversation.” The sigh of relief was not only audible but also brought an answering smile to Bruce’ face.

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

“I wouldn’t- Dick I wouldn’t say that about him. We’re past that.” Dick nodded, biting his lip.

“That’s what I told him but- you know how he is- he refused to believe me because it just had to be true.” He didn’t necessarily know if telling Bruce that was the best idea. Jason was better but he still dealt horribly with his past. His relationship with Bruce was – well – strange, to say the least, rocky sometimes. Because Jason always believed the worst-case scenario and he had felt like the black sheep of the family for all his life. Or both lives really.

“Tell him to get here.”

“What?”

“ _Tell him to get here_ ,” Bruce snapped “I won’t have him continued think that. So, tell him to get here.” Dick startled at the harshness in Bruce’ voice, the strain to his shoulders. It must have hurt him too, then.

“Sure- yeah- just- gimme a minute…” Dick hurried out of the room to find his phone. And while he didn’t say it, he was beyond glad. He had never really believed Bruce had meant what Jason had heard but having it confirmed was another matter.

He could only hope, Jason believed it too. 

* * *

It had taken every ounce of coercion Dick was capable of to convince Jason to drive to the manor. Even while on his bike, Jason wanted to turn around at every corner. He trusted Dick, sure, he would be an idiot not to. But he wasn’t sure if he trusted Bruce with his heart. Hearing all of those things once in passing was hard enough. Hearing them twice would – well – it would hurt. And Jason wasn’t prepared to handle that so soon after the first time.

On the other side of that argument, though, was Dick. And for Dick, Jason would probably move heaven and earth. The prospect of actually be given the all-clear-go-ahead for a relationship was alluring to say the least. He had spent fifteen minutes weighing out pros and cons before he had even walked down the stairs.

Now, after parking his bike, his stomach had plummeted even further.

“Jay? Is that you?” Who else would it be, Jason thought while rolling his eyes. Dick could be such an idiot. And okay, maybe he was being snappier than usual but could he really be blamed?

No. No, he was allowed to bitch right now.

Just… maybe not at Dick, right? Because Dick was trying to save them and if Jason kept it up, he might not want to any longer.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Dick said once he reached him, careful, it seemed not to touch him which Jason appreciated. He didn’t do well with physical contact in stressful situations and something inside him preened because Dick knew that.

“Just- give him a chance to explain? Just this once?”

“Fine,” Jason grumbled, hands fiddling with the hem of his shirt “but if he’s an asshole again, I’ll be out of that door.” His threat sounded lack-lustre, maybe because it was. Dick knew, ultimately, Jason would be back.

“Fair enough,” Dick’s whole demeanour was a lot lighter than Jason would have anticipated. It let that horrid little glimmer of hope spread out further than Jason wanted to allow. Unfortunately, this treacherous thing in his chest fluttered without his permission. Or perhaps he was having a seizure. Could be that too.

Bruce stood when they entered his office, no smile in sight. Jason took that as a good thing. He didn’t trust that smile, not after associating it with Wayne Galas and fake-friendly conversations. 

“Jason.” Jason didn’t like Bruce’ intonation when saying his name. Like he was back to being a teenager and scolded for coming home late.

“B.” He realised then just how much he didn’t want to be here. Every inch of his body urged him to run.

“It was a misunderstanding,” Bruce pressed out, seemingly angry. Jason had no idea why he would be angry when Jason was the insulted in this scenario.

“A misunderstanding.”

“Yes.” Bruce sat back down, motioning for both of them to take a seat. Jason did so, but kept his arms crossed, signalling defence. It felt safer this way.

“I was talking to Clark about the both of you.”

“Why?” That was the question. Because Bruce didn’t seem like the kind of guy to talk to his friend about the relationship his son was in.

“It came up when he asked about Dick.” That sounded more likely but still very strange. Did Bruce make a habit out of talking to Clark about them?

“Yeah and we all know how that turned out.”

“Jay-” Dick attempted to soothe him, make him listen but Jason’s pulse was so much through the roof that he didn’t even hear his own voice anymore. The rush of blood in his ears was deafening and his head felt much too light.

“Clark was worried about Dick.”

“Because I’m such a danger to him,” Jason concluded, heart clenching at the words. It hit too close to him because he knew it too. It was one of the reasons why he didn’t want Dick to get to him. Not that the fucker had cared.

“No- yes- he was worried because of your past. And then he asked me my opinion on this relationship.”

“And you told him, you’ll never accept it and that I’m not good enough for the golden son over here.” Dick’s hand spasmed around the armrest of his chair. Jason bit his lip, suddenly angry with himself. He hadn’t meant to lash out at Dick too.

“I told him that I think this could be good- that I do accept it.”

“That’s not what I heard.”

“No. You heard me parroting the words back at Clark because I couldn’t believe what he was saying.”

“Sure.”

“You don’t believe me.”

“No.”

“Jason-” Dick tried to intervene once again, but his tone was hesitant like he knew how much Jason wanted to believe Bruce but ultimately couldn’t.

“I see,” Bruce stood, leaning over the desk, “would you listen to this?”

“To what?”

“I record every conversation I have over the phone.”

“What?” Now Dick had blanched quite visibly. Jason wondered what he had told Bruce over the phone which was now filed on Bruce’ computer somewhere.

“Protocol,” Bruce simply stated, then pressed the play button. He must have prepared this, it occurred to Jason with a sting to his side. He must have known Jason wouldn’t believe him. The recording started right where Jason had listened in.

“What? That he’s disappointing me?”

“ _Yes? Don’t you remember how distraught you were when he became Red Hood?”_ Hearing Clark’s reminder of his past wasn’t pleasant to say the least. Jason regretted it more than he could ever put into words but he also knew, he hadn’t had any other chance of survival but the path he had fallen onto.

“This is ridiculous.” It soothed him a little to hear Bruce come to his defence. Even if he was probably just doing it because Clark was the one asking. Bruce had always been quick to defend his sons when it came to Clark.

_“Is it? So, you don’t care that they are seeing each other?”  
_

“Why wouldn’t I care that they are involved?” Jason remembered hearing that line and his stomach plummeting. Now, in this new context, it sounded a hell of a lot different.

_“Because you didn’t care when Tim was seeing Kon-El. I figured, maybe it didn’t matter because it was him.”_

“Of course, that matters. What- do you think I’d just turn my back and say nothing?” Jason had thought so. And, apparently, he had been wrong.

_“No. I was just wondering if you were- if you think they make a good pair.”_

“What makes you think-”

But Clark didn’t let him finish _“Because- Bruce- he is not the same child you took on.”_

“Did you-” seriously say that, was what Bruce would have said if Clark hadn’t cut in again.

 _“I didn’t mean it like that, Bruce. You know I like him. But I worry that there could be- that you might have something against their union.”_ At least, Clark wasn’t scared of him. That was a plus.

“No- of course not-” The relief that flooded Jason when the meaning of those words sunk in was so strong, he knew even Dick felt it because Dick turned to him and smiled so brightly, it hurt to look.

 _“So, you do think he is good enough for Dick.”_ It wasn’t a question, Jason noted, merely a cautious inquiry.

“Why would you think he’s not good enough!” past-Bruce bellowed and Jason was shocked to hear the outrage on his regard.

_“I do not think that. I merely worried that you would.”_

“It’s Dick-”

 _“I know. That is why I’m asking.”_ Because Dick was his first, because Dick would always have a special place in Bruce’ heart and for the first time in maybe ever, Jason wasn’t the least bit jealous.

 _“Do I need to remind you what happened last time?”_ Last time? What last time? Before he could ask, Bruce motioned for him to continue to listen.

“With his last partner? Yes. I remember.”

 _“Do you also remember the jealousy whenever Red Hood came to work with Nightwing?”_ He had been jealous. So much so that he had refused to work with Dick whenever he could for fear of doing something he would regret. But when they had inevitably met, he had been so hostile, so aggressive that he had hit their target so hard, he had needed a trip to the ER. And Jason hadn’t been sorry that day, but he was now.

“I will not listen to this!”

_“I’m just saying-”_

“Are you meaning to tell me-”

Clark cut in once again before Bruce could fly into a rage _“I’m meaning to tell you that Dick sometimes has questionable taste.”_

“No- questionable taste?” Dick smiled sheepishly at Jason, nodding. Even Bruce’ lips ticked upwards and Jason agreed. He did have questionable taste, case and point. Or he wouldn’t have picked Jason of all people.

_“Yes. And I want to make sure we don’t have a nasty break up on our hands. You know both of their tempers.”_

“No- I don’t agree with that in the slightest!” Which was foolish but Jason suspected Bruce was only saying it because he didn’t take kindly to Clark critiquing his sons. That this meant that Jason was also considered Bruce’s son was something he couldn’t deal with right now, so he pushed it to the back of his mind for later analysis.

 _“I simply think they should be sure before engaging further.”_ Jason agreed. And wasn’t that fucked up in and of itself? He had told Dick to think it through so many times, it was almost comical.

“I don’t care what you think- it’s none of your business-” Well, Jason couldn’t say he disagreed with that either.

_“It is my business when two vigilantes are entering a relationship that has the potential to end in heartbreak on one end or the other. I’m not saying it will. Simply that it could. And I urge you to talk to them, make sure they are both on the same page.”_

That also had some truth to it. Things could get ugly real fast whenever Jason was concerned. He just had to keep working on his coping mechanisms. Although, he suspected that, should Dick break up with him, he would fly off the handle regardless of how sane he was now.

“No- it’s not-” past-Bruce was at a loss for words before he bit out “it’s not for you to accept this!”

 _“You’re absolutely right. That’s why I’m asking you to talk to them. For the safety of Gotham.”_ Low blow, Jason thought. The safety of Gotham, my ass. Like either of them would bring down the city because of this. Jason would drink himself stupid and get into unnecessary fights but he would never go back to his past-ego, not like that. And Dick- Dick would probably be okay either way.

“No- never- this is inacceptable- I will not-”

Clark seemed determined not to let Bruce speak because he interrupted him again _“So, you’re not worried what could happen should one of the two break up with the other?”_

“No- it has nothing to do-”

And again _“It has everything to do with that. I want them happy too, Bruce. I like both of them.”_

That soothed Jason’s heart a little. But then again, Clark liked everybody. He was like an oversized golden retriever who could fly and punch through walls. Not that Jason couldn’t punch through walls. He could. On very bad days.

“Well- you kept saying Jason isn’t good enough for Dick-”

_“That’s not what I was saying. I was just worried-”_

And now it was Bruce’ tim to interrupt “That’s all I’ll say on this!”

_“Fine. Tell them I’m happy for them and that I wish them good luck.”_

“Good day!” Bruce replied curtly and the call ended.

Jason found himself staring at Bruce unblinkingly. Bruce stared right back for a minute before he leaned back in his chair.

“I’m on your side, Jason,” he said, sounding exhausted but glad “I’ll always be on _your_ side. And if you want to be with Dick, I’m not stopping you.”

“I-”

“I understand why you thought what you thought. I’m not angry with you.”

Jason spluttered again, wanting to apologise and unable to actually bring himself to.

“Next time-” Bruce started with a small smile like he knew without doubt there would be a next time “talk to me.”

Jason remained frozen in his seat, overwhelmed and ashamed and so very confused. He hadn’t come prepared for this.

“That’s all I ask.”

“Come on,” Dick tugged at his hand, nodding in Bruce’ direction once. Jason let himself be pulled out of the room without saying a word.

“You alright over there?” He wished he had Dick’s ability to shrug off all those attempts at seriousness because right now, the wheels in his head were turning way too fast.

“Jay?” He still found himself wordless.

“I told you, it would be okay. It was just a misunderstanding,” his grin was way too bright for Jason to look at.

“You don’t have to break up with me.” He couldn’t comprehend what was happening. Even the room was spinning, just like his thoughts.

“I won’t let you.”

That finally made him react with an incredulous “let me?”

“Yes. Let you. You can’t break up with me. I refuse.” God, why had he fallen for such an idiot? He expressed his feelings on the matter audibly too.

“You’re an idiot, Dick.”

“I know,” he stepped closer, impossibly close “but _your_ idiot, right”

Jason didn’t have time to screw his head back on straight before Dick’s lips met his. The first touch was soft, hesitant, like he didn’t know if he was welcome. Jason was powerless against him, melted into his kiss. Dick seemed delighted at that. His hands found Jason’s waist and he wrenched him forward. The entire mood changed in a split second. Dick’s fingers were under his shirt, nails leaving scratches over his skin. It made Jason tingle all over, his cheeks flushed hot.

His own hands were fighting desperately to keep up, roaming over Dick’s torso. Dick almost ripped off Jason’s shirt, instantly back to kissing him. Jason’s back connected hard with the wall, stars danced behind his eyelids.

“I want you so much,” Dick breathed into his ear, voice lower than Jason had ever heard it. He let his head fall back and Dick’s lips instantly attacked his neck. Teeth scraped his shoulder, then up towards his ear.

“You taste so good.” Jason didn’t know if the words got to him or if it was Dick’s voice. His jeans felt impossibly tight, his breath came short. He felt Dick’s hips move under his hands, a sinful roll that made him tremble.

“Let me?” Jason was about to ask what he meant, when Dick’s fingers hit the topmost button of his jeans. They teased over the waistband, back and forth, dipped a little lower so that he ghosted over Jason’s cock. Jason bit his lip, tasting blood. The friction wasn’t enough, not nearly, but the featherlight touches were too much at the same time.

_“Let me, Jay?”_

He wanted to say “yes”.

He urged to say “yes”. 

Because how could anyone say no to that? To Dick?

“What’s wrong?” Dick brought some distance in between them. He must have realised, Jason suspected.

“I-” he had no idea how to say it, how one went about such a conversation.

“Tell me,” Dick had let his voice drop again, making it sound like a command and Jason couldn’t resist.

“I haven’t…”

“Never?” He didn’t sound like he believed him, like Jason was taking the piss. But he wasn’t. _Fuck_ , he wasn’t. And he tried to convey just how serious he was when he re-iterated with a simple

“No.”

“Shit- sorry-” Within a second, Dick had stepped back so far, Jason couldn’t even reach him with his outstretched arm.

“I- sorry- I didn’t know- I shouldn’t have-”

“Dick-”

“I’m so sorry. Oh my god- I just attacked you- you were- in the club- you were so- _fuck_ \- you were so _good_ , Jay…” And apparently, Dick was having a crisis over there. Jason snorted. Leave it to Dick that fucking drama queen.

“Calm down, Dickie,” the amusement was so obvious in his voice that Dick looked up from where he had buried his head in his hands.

“You should have told me,” he boxed Jason in the chest, not too lightly before flinging his shirt at him and motioning for him to get dressed. 

“Sit.” Jason did, shirt back in place.

“Rules,” Dick started “you have to tell me stuff like that.”

“I just did, didn’t I?” Although he could see, why Dick would argue that it had been kind of a little late to mention that.

“I already had your shirt off, Jay.”

“So, it’s my fault you’re so eager?” he countered with a smug grin. Dick’s eyebrow went up and Jason thought, he had won, when Dick suddenly leaned in again, lips hovering so close to his own, he could feel Dick breathe.

“It is… you’re just so delicious that I couldn’t help myself.” His fingers travelled up to Jason’s shoulder, just resting there.

“And after how you moved in that club…” his mouth slowly wandered towards Jason’s neck, deliberately breathing against the tender skin there. Jason couldn’t suppress a shiver, feeling like he had completely lost control of the situation. But Dick wasn’t finished.

“Can you blame me for wanting to see you arch your back like that again?” Sometime while talking, Dick’s fingers had found their way into his hair. He pulled hard at the strands so that Jason’s head fell back. He felt a slight strain in his throat but didn’t move away. Dick’s lips close around his pulse point. Jason’s entire body spasmed. He didn’t know why he was reacting like that, what even was going on when Dick started talking again.

“On my bed with me on top of you, holding your hands down and whispering into your ear?” White hot pleasure surged through him, making him clamp his mouth shut and his hands curl into fists. The image Dick had painted was forever embedded into his mind, the idea of Dick holding him down against the bed so appealing, he was burning up with it.

“And I’m eager?” Dick suddenly let go of him entirely, scooting back on the bed and watching Jason blink confusedly. It took a moment for him to realise what had happened.

“You’re such a-”

“Tsts-” Dick grinned around the reprimand, “no need for insults.”

“Dick-” his tone held a threat he did not plan on following through with, but Dick didn’t need to know that.

“Oh, come on, you know, I had to. You were being such an infuriating-”

“You said, no insults.” Dick grinned again, this time less sharp.

“Fair,” he propped up one leg on the bed “but I was serious. I want to talk about this.”

“This?”

“Us.” Jason nodded, motioning for Dick to continue. He didn’t trust himself to start that particular conversation.

“We’re not still broken up, right?” A shake of his head had to be enough of an answer. No way was he saying out loud what he was thinking.

“Great. What about boundaries.”

“Boundaries?”

“Yeah. Boundaries. Like, do you want to kiss? Do you want to have sex? What do you want?”

“Uhm.” It summed up his thoughts on the matter eloquently.

“I just-” the breath he took came out trembling, “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable because I move too fast. And I- okay, full disclosure- it didn’t occur to me that you might not have had sex before.”

Jason didn’t ask why. He knew, he didn’t exactly exude virgin-energy, if that was even a thing. But he felt, Dick deserved an explanation. Full disclosure and all that.

“Never felt right,” he muttered “before- before, I was too young and after, there was no one, I trusted enough.”

With admitting that, he knew what else he admitted to. And Dick, at least from the way his eyes sparkled, was well aware of that.

“Okay,” Dick’s smile was soft “do you want to try with me?”

“I-” he didn’t have to think much about it if he was being honest with himself “yes”.

Dick didn’t answer verbally, but Jason took the sugar-sweet kiss as an answer all the same.

* * *

“I’ve got something- hey- _hey!_ Get your tongue out of his mouth and keep your hands to yourself or I swear I’ll post a photo of the two of you kissing and this time, nobody will be able to take it down!”

Reluctantly, very reluctantly, Dick moved away from Jason. He even sighed to signal how very dramatic Tim was being. Had he seen Jason’s lips? They were so soft and plush, Dick just had to kiss them.

“Nice to see you too, placers,” Jason waved a greeting in Tim’s general directions, but his eyes were glued to Dick’s a glint in them that Dick felt almost impossible to ignore.

“You can shove the sarcasm right up your-”

“Tim,” Bruce intervened, although sounding amused.

“Fine. As I was saying- I figured it out.”

“What?” Now that got Dick’s attention. He should have started with that. 

“I figured out who’s doing this.”

“Who?” Jason leaned forward in his seat, disrupting Dick’s position on his lap. He was forgiven, though, seeing

“Well, okay- I don’t have a name yet, but I tracked the ID of the person posting the videos and then looked through the phone calls that idiot made and then I got a common denominator.”

“So you _do not_ know who did it?” When Damian had entered the room, Dick would never know. But his comment, Tim, for some reason, didn’t take offense to. Dick hoped, they had finally figured out whatever their problem was about.

“Yes- no- but I know where their headquarters is.”

“Where?” Bruce was almost out of the room, ready for action, like Jason would probably say. Tim gave him coordinates instead of an address and when Dick asked why, he explained “Because he isn’t hiding in a house. There’s this property, just out of Gotham, with loads of constructions going on and with people coming and going and renting and buying and he must have been one of those because he has this unfinished building where the call went through.”

“Damian,” Bruce bellowed before exiting. Damian jerked in his seat, jumping to his feet and followed Bruce out.

* * *

They all heard the steps hurrying towards them. Noticeable, though, it was only one pair of feet instead of the two which had left. Dick exchanged a glance with Jason and was met with a raised brow from Tim. They knew what it meant.

Two people had left.

Only one had made it back.

The realisation settled unpleasantly in Dick’s gut and he forced himself to remember that this didn’t mean someone had died. It wasn’t the same like last time. It couldn’t be.

They waited, hands around the steak knives in case they needed them. That they didn’t in fact need them became evident the second Damian sprinted into the room. Dick’s heart fluttered while guilt took hold of him. He realised, he was relieved that it was Damian who had come back and not Bruce. Not because he wanted Bruce gone but because he knew, Bruce could deal well on his own while Damian couldn’t.

At least not as well.

He was still seventeen after all. Only then did Dick notice that Damian was injured. He had a large gash on his head and blood dripping down his face. He also was favouring his left side and his steps were irregular. Dick figured he had sprained his ankle and carrying his weight differently.

“What happened?” Dick was the first to react, standing so fast from the dinner table, his chair toppled over. He wasn’t the first to reach Damian though. Because Tim rushed past him with the speed of a torpedo.

“You’re hurt!” To Dick’s utter surprise, Damian let Tim fuss over him for a second and didn’t even bat at the hands trying to assert the damage that had been done to his face.

“Sit down, you’re hurt.”

“I am not hurt- I can-”

But, apparently, Tim wasn’t having it. He gestured wildly at the chair and snapped “Sit. Down.”

When Damian still didn’t comply, Tim marched over and pushed down so hard on Damian’s shoulders that his butt hit the chair with enough force for it to creak. Dick would have laughed at the positively murderous outrage on Damian’s face if it weren’t for the blood dripping down his cheek.

“I can do this myself, Drake, there is no need to baby me.”

“Shut up.”

“I refuse to be treated-”

“I swear to every al Ghul in your goddamn family tree, I will tape your mouth shut if you don’t stop talking right this fucking second!” That made Damian shut right up and Jason even snorted. He had always been fond of Tim’s cutting remarks, Dick remembered.

“I’m just trying to help, you little brat.” Maybe it was the deceptive softness in Tim’s voice, maybe it was Damian’s weak spot for him. Either way, Damian finally let Tim clean the large head wound he had received. Dick noticed how he balled his fists and pressed his teeth together. He deduced that Damian was in a lot of pain and trying not to show it.

“They have father,” Damian breathed out, eyes unfocussed.

“What do you mean?” Jason had stood slowly, his step determined. Dick had a fleeting thought of how much Jason loomed over them. He looked menacing, dangerous even. Dick had no trouble understanding why. If they had managed to take Bruce captive that was one hell of a task to accomplish. It meant, they had a problem. And that those people were good.

“They- he shoved me to the side-” Damian kept talking in half-sentences, words cut off and stoic. Dick could tell he was distraught.

“I could not- I could not see-” a heavy pause “they took him and he wanted to protect me-” It must have been quite the shock to realise Bruce cared. Despite himself, Dick shook his head. They should all know by now that Bruce loved them. Seriously. Was that so hard to understand? 

“He shoved me aside so that they would not see…”

“Who were they? Did you know them?” The moment Damian trailed off Tim instantly started his rapid-fire questions.

“I did not see their faces…”

“Why?” Dick rammed his elbow into Jason’s ribs as a reminder that he shouldn’t be so hard on the kid. 

“Masks.”

“What masks?” Damian turned towards Dick and noticeably away from Jason. He sought eye contact, waiting until he was sure he had Dick’s full attention. Only then, and with an almost sympathetic rise to his brow, did he say “Clown masks…”

Dick glanced at Jason and saw him pale. His eyes opened wide, almost bulging out of his head when the implication of those words sank in. The entire room seemed to hold its breath until Jason noticeably stepped back, shoulders drawn up high.

“I’ll- I’ll be right back-” Dick had never heard such blank fear in his voice.

“Todd-” Damian sounded almost apologetic, a rare occurrence in and of itself that Dick couldn’t find in him to remark upon. His focus was on Jason, looking distraught and so very afraid.

“It doesn’t mean-” Tim had also tried to de-escalate but Jason held up a hand, silencing him.

“I need- I need a moment- I’ll be right back…” even his voice was wrong, too airy and strangled.

“Do you want me to-” Dick started but was silenced just like Tim.

“No! No- I’ll just…” he motioned towards the hallway, hand shaking badly. They heard him dash down the hall, to what Dick suspected was the bathroom and a door slamming shut.

“Master Dick?” One of these days, Dick would get a heart attack. He would have to talk to Alfred and get to know where he always appeared from. Also, how he knew everything that was going on in the manor. And probably beyond.

“It’s Bruce- well- it’s Jason. But Bruce has been taken and we’re screwed.” Alfred’s expression hadn’t changed but there was a sharp look in his eyes that made Dick step back.

“There is a letter for you.”

“What?” He handed Dick said letter and an opener with it.

“It was delivered earlier.” Why would anyone deliver letters to Dick?

“Thank you,” he said and meant it.

“What was that about Master Bruce?”

“He’s been taken.”

“By?”

“Men in clown masks.” It didn’t seem to come as a surprise to him, Dick mused. On the other hand, he had rarely ever seen Alfred surprised.

“I see,” he threw a weary glance towards the hallway where Jason had disappeared from “how about you open your letter and I will be right back?”

Before Dick could nod his agreement, Alfred had already turned around and left.

* * *

_Clowns._

Clown masks.

The second Damian said that particular word, a wave of nausea hit him. Laughter rang in his ear and he had trouble listening to Dick talk. His face kept changing to something nasty and pale. He knew instantly, he had to leave right now before his rage kicked in. He couldn’t let Dick see that part of him. Not yet. They had never seen a full-blown attack. And with how rapidly he was losing his grasp on reality, it was a matter of seconds before he would lash out.

He reached the bathroom in time, locked himself up as fast as he could. His fist connected hard with the wall, blood splattering all over his shirt. It felt good, he realised, so, so good. All that pain and terror mixed up inside him. He hit the wall again until his knuckles screamed in agony. His teeth had bitten through his lip, the taste of blood heady on his tongue. One more hit, he promised himself. One more. Just to stop that laugh from echoing thorugh him.

Bathroom, he reminded himself.

It’s just a bathroom. He wasn’t there.

_He’s not there!_

He had no idea how long it took for the black edges to disappear from his vision. Or when he had found the will to stand from his kneeling position, hunched over the toilet.

“Master Jason?”

Oh, for god’s sake no. Dick was such a traitor. To get Alfred involved was so below the belt. At least, Jason could breathe freely again without anything obstructing his throat. His stomach was also starting to settle after having relieved itself from its contents not two minutes ago.

“I’ll be right out, just gimme a minute, ‘kay?” His hands still trembled when he washed his face.

“The door, Master Jason,” he heard Alfred sigh “open it.” Alfred’s tone bore no argument and Jason faltered. He couldn’t leave Alfie out in the hallway now, could he?

“Thank you,” Alfred remarked quickly upon entering. He looked around, undoubtedly to assess the damage before turning worried eyes on Jason.

“He wouldn’t fault you,” the butler said “for being upset. He wouldn’t hold it against you.”

“He’s not here.” Scathing, like Alfred didn’t know, like Jason could hurt him with it. He had to lash out at someone, anyone, just to have something to do with all that fear and anger bubbling inside him. But Alfred didn’t rise to the bait.

“No, but the others are. And they worry about you just as much.” That made Jason’s anger simmer right back down. Like Alfred had taken the wind out of his sails and had left him paddling in the middle of the ocean with nothing but a fork.

“It’s nothing.”

“If it were, there would be something severely wrong with you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he couldn’t help his hackles rising. Yet, Alfred didn’t seem to mind.

“After what happened to you, that kind of reaction to anything related to him is normal, Master Jason. Anything else would make me worry even more.” He knew that. He had read upon the subject so many times.

And still…

“I should be over it by now…” his voice broke half-way through the sentence, shame vibrating in his core.

“I don’t believe anyone can expect to “be over” their own death,” he even used air quotes and all “that would be very unsympathetic.” It almost made him laugh, that dry attitude.

“Still.”

“You are allowed to be scared, Master Jason. No one is judging you for that.”

“But it wasn’t him!” Jason exploded. He had no right to panic when it hadn’t even been him.

Alfred inclined his head “What wasn’t him?”

“The guys- they weren’t- _I_ didn’t see them- Damian didn’t say his name- I got scared of masks- nothing more.”

“But you associate them with him,” Alfred said, and, almost like an afterthought, “Like everyone else does.” That last bit calmed him a little, soothed the unease in his stomach.

“So, you don’t think I’m a coward for hiding in here?” He only said it to make a joke, to lift the spirit no matter what.

But Alfred’s answer was sincere “you are not a coward, Master Jason. I highly doubt, you ever were.”

Jason had no idea how to answer or how to get rid of that clog in his throat.

“Now, why don’t you join the others in the living room? Master Dick has gotten mail and I suspect he will need you once he opens it.”

“You don’t have a problem with- with us, right Alfie?”

Alfred glanced over his shoulder, a half-smirk on his face that Jason had only ever seen twice before. Both times when Alfred had sassed the living hell out of Bruce.

“That would be quite idiotic, Master Jason. After all, you and Master Dick helped me make a lot of money once you finally decided to quit beating around the proverbial bush.”

Jason didn’t have time to come up with an answer, too busy spluttering incredulously.

* * *

When he re-entered the living room, he noticed Damian almost lying on the table. His eyes were open though, so Jason decided not to worry too much about his well-being. The kid was tough. He could take a concussion. 

“What’d I miss?”

“Jesus!” Dick whipped around, spluttering rather unattractively. If that was even possible for someone like Dick.

“Not quite,” he shrugged then let himself fall down on a chair nearby.

A weird kind of tension hung in the air. Both Tim and Dick were staring at him without giving any indication as to why.

“What?” he snapped, getting irritated again. Maybe they had seen the bloodstain on his shirt or the bandages around his knuckles which hadn’t been there before.

“Jay-” He didn’t like Dick’s tone. He had heard it before, and it had never been good.

“What?!” And now he was really agitated, “Just spit it out for fuck’s sake.”

Tim decided this was the time to jump in “It’s him.”

“It’s who?” If they could just stop the charade and get on with it, he wouldn’t be almost pulverising his teeth in his mouth.

“Show him,” Damian piped up, face down on the table “simply show him.”

“Show me what?”

But Dick intervened, eyes pleading and voice tight.

“Promise me first that you’ll stay here. No matter what is on that tape?”

“What tape?” He had missed something again, hadn’t he?

“A letter got delivered earlier and it had a tape in it. We decided to see what’s on it while you were indisposed.”

 _Indisposed_. Right. That was one way to put it.

“And? What’s on it?”

“Promise me first, Jay,” Dick waited until Jason’s attention was solely on him. It scared him a little, made that knot in his stomach tighten.

“Promise me, you’ll stay…” he said it so softly, like it was just the two of them. Jason felt himself nod, mouth hanging slightly open. He had no idea what to do with the situation or why it even mattered. But all of that changed, the second a figure came into view on the TV.

Jason’s heart completely stopped at the sight of him.

“No- no way- what the fuck?!” He stood so fast, the chair fell back with the force of it.

“Jay-”

“No! I need- I need to get the hell out of here- fuck- there’s got- there’s got to be a mistake- this can’t real!”

“You promised!”

“I don’t care! I don’t care! Get the fuck off of me!” Because Dick had stood as well, rounding the table to stop him from running. He almost shoved Dick aside in his need to leave.

“JASON!” Dick bellowed, loud enough that it hurt his ears. It took every ounce of control he still had over his emotions to breathe in and look at Dick. He kept himself from bolting but barely.

“Stay with me, okay?” Dick’s hands were on his face, holding his cheeks until Jason’s eyes found his.

“I can’t- Dick- I can’t do this…” The admission hurt more than he had ever thought it would.

“I know- it’s okay- it’s okay- I promise…” Dick’s voice was the only thing that kept him rooted there, the only grasp of sanity he had. He held onto it with every fibre of his being.

“How can-” the air wouldn’t come, he couldn’t breathe “how can you promise that? Did you- did you forget what he did? Who he is? Dick- I can’t-”

“You don’t have to! I promise you, you won’t have to,” he didn’t let go no matter how hard Jason was thrashing in his grip.

“Let me handle it, okay? I’ll handle it, Jay.” Now Dick was pleading with him, begging him to calm down. But Jason didn’t know how. He couldn’t do this.

Not again.

“He won’t get to you. We won’t let that happen!” Tim suddenly snapped, voice just as tight as Dick’s. Jason noticed the sweat on his brow, the way his hand trembled. It matched his own body, signalled to him, he wasn’t alone in this.

“Just- stay with me, Jay? Please- just- breathe…” he focussed on Dick again, trying to mimic what Dick was doing. He finally managed to swallow down the lump in his throat but from the corner of his eyes, he could still see it.

The man on the TV.

Pale skin.

Purple coat.

Green hair.

_Crazy smile._

* * *

The second they stepped inside, Jason knew they shouldn’t have come here. Harley had two guns pointing at them when they crossed the threshold. What he should have done instead of walking in here was tell Tim a nice big “fuck you”. But he hadn’t and now here they were in a shit-ass situation and with no backup plan. Desperate is what that was called.

Yeah, that hit the nail on the fucking head.

And Harley could smell desperate better than anyone Jason had ever met.

“And what a treat do we have here?” She reached out to run a hand over Dick’s shoulder. Jason instantly saw red.

“Keep your hands off of him or I’ll get real creative!” Jason snarled between clenched teeth. He didn’t like people touching what was his. And yes, he knew how incredibly possessive that sounded. He was also quite aware that Harley was armed while his gun dangled uselessly from his belt.

“Relax, Lover boy. I have my own tart to eat. I don’t need to put a fork in yours.” Jason ignored that comment in favour of snapping back a retort.

“I have no idea whatever the hell you just said and what I also don’t have, is the time to care.” Maybe pretending to be oblivious would make the smirk on Dick’s face go away.

“Fineee. Killjoy,” she shoved Jason back with her finger, prancing over towards the table and falling dramatically down on it.

“What do you wanna know sweet cheeks?” Jason hated nicknames with a passion but that Brooklyn accent made them sound so much worse.

“Do you have any info on your boyfriend’s whereabouts?” Harley’s features minutely hardened. Her eyes lost that insane glimmer, that blueish grey turned steel. Jason had no idea why that expression gave him chills. Maybe because the craziness that centred around her very core seemed suddenly erased by cold-blooded sanity.

“Seems to me like you’re really out of touch, Hoodie.” Even her voice had changed to something sharper.

“If you call me that one more time-”

“Oh, I know, I know you’ll skin me alive or something equally boring.” And like nothing had happened, Harley was back to being Harley but not without Jason having made a mental note to keep a closer eye on her.

“You know what you little-” Jason’s fingers had already closed around his gun, when Dick stepped in. His hand subtly covered Jason’s while he moved closer to Harley. Jason wanted to protest but then he saw the blinding smile on Dick’s face. It was his patented golden-boy smile.

“Look, I know things have been rough between our sides but we would really appreciate if you could give us an update about the Joker’s whereabouts.” For a minute it seemed like it worked, Harley giggled, perched herself up until she sat straight and leaned in. Dick mirrored her, his lips ticking up more like he was sure he had her.

“I have… no idea,” Harley breathed into Dick’s face before leaning back and erupting into laughter.

Dick spluttered and on anyone else it would have looked hilariously unattractive but on him- well, Jason supposed Dick Grayson was incapable of being anything but attractive.

“What?”

“I just told ya’, I have my own tart to dig into.”

“I don’t-” just then a door opened and out strutted Poison Ivy, looking impeccable and so thoroughly put together that Jason felt entirely out of place.

“Harls- I think we had that discussion already. I don’t appreciate you calling me that.” 

Wait a minute.

“Nightwing-” Jason pulled at Dick’s arm, something having occurred to him.

“What?”

“They’re fucking.” It was worth seeing Dick’s eyes bulge, or at least the part of them Jason could see under the domino.

“Well, well, well. At least someone has a brain in their head.”

“ _Harls-_ ” Ivy’s tone held a decisively dangerous note.

“Congrats?” Jason offered, his lips itching in an attempt not to smile. He was glad Harley got out of that relationship. As much of a temper Ivy had, she was so much saner than the alternative.

“Much appreciated,” Ivy nodded at him like she hadn’t almost made him keel over two months ago when he had broken into her lair. To be fair though, she had been growing poisonous roses again.

“Anything else?” Harley leaned heavily on Ivy while blinking innocently up at them.

“You really have no idea where he’s hiding?”

“Nope.” And she was glad about it, that much was blatantly obvious.

“Come on,” Jason pulled at Dick’s arm, dragging him out.

“Did you see it?” he asked once they reached their car.

“See what?” Dick was on his phone, probably texting Tim but Jason couldn’t get that look out of his mind.

“’m not sure,” he said, still trying to grasp what it was he had seen.

“Something changed when we brought him up.” Dick stared into nothing for a minute, appearing deep in thought.

“Yeah, I- there was something off about her.” Dick said it like it hadn’t occurred to him before but now that he thought about it, it seemed obvious.

“Call me mad but I think she sobered up when we called him her boyfriend,” Jason didn’t feel like he was explaining it well.

“She- she seemed less- I don’t know…” but apparently, Dick had really seen it too because he didn’t let Jason finish before jumping in.

“Crazy?”

“Yeah.” Silence stretched between them until Dick spoke up again. He sounded different, Jason noticed, like he was about to breech an uncomfortable subject.

“You think she’s better now?”

“I don’t know…”

“Could she be?”

“Maybe…” Scenes flashed before Jason’s eyes, of darkness and gunpowder and metal reflecting back at him. And of green. So, so much green.

They weren’t talking about Harley anymore, where they?

“Jay-” Dick must have seen something on his face because his tone was soft, tentative.

“No-” Jason stopped him with a raise of his hand. He refused to acknowledge the slight tremor.

“Let’s- let’s just go back to the cave, alright?”

“Yeah, sure.” But Dick looked at him strangely all the way back. Jason regretted having ever taken him on this mission.

He should have gone alone, like he always did.

And it had been for naught anyway.

* * *

_It was all rather dull. Watching him writhe on the ground, beg and whimper. How unoriginal. And here I thought he had potential. What a disappointment. Greed only got you so far in life. One had to have goals._

_Everything should be in ready soon. The letter was delivered this morning, the bats had to have opened it by now. God forsaken bats. Always there, everywhere with their cowls and growls and overall inadequateness to see the method in the chaos._

_And to think, I can have them all. Not one would be missing. That titbit of information does come in handy. Especially, considering that dead little birdy had returned to the living. And had made a friend in the process. How delightful._

_Young love._

_To have it end so soon. And end, it will. That bird should have stayed dead. Why bother if he would end up in the grave like once before? Satisfying that will be. Oh so satisfying to get my hands around his neck and **squeeze**. See his eyes flutter close and trail the mark on his cheek. That unmistakable proof of his identity. It is a mystery, how no one had figured out before that this is the very same man. That this is the man who had presumably died years before. _

_But then again, the people rarely looked at one’s face, did they? It was an advantage and a disadvantage all the same. I have looked, however. I have always looked. Each little bird, I have memorised with all its flaws, with all its weaknesses. One only had to **look**. _

_And they will be **mine**. All of them. And I will rip away their anonymity, their alter-ego until nothing is left but the cold truth. They are **not** special. They are **not** remarkable. They are **mine**. All the bats. **All of them**. _

_The TV is set up. I can see the stand from here. Where I will bring them to their knees and take away what they breathe for. One by one._

_It is only right that it should be me._

**_After all, who better to unmask them than the Clown Prince of Gotham?_ **


	4. Save me...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have arrived! Finally!
> 
> So sorry for the late update, feel free to yell at me in the comments.

> _ Family isn’t who you are born with. It’s who you would die for. _

They re-watched the video together. Jason’s fingers still clenched around the armrest whenever the camera focussed on him. He was enjoying this, that much was blatantly obvious. 

“And I invite Batman to join me and reclaim his status as Gotham’s vigilante.”

Dick switched the TV off, not saying a word. Jason looked at him from the corner of his eyes, feeling like Dick was thinking about something and not letting him in on it. After quite a long time, Dick let himself fall back against the cushions and breathed out forcefully.

“Someone has to go.”

“What?” He had no idea where Dick was at in his head or what the hell he was referring to. Because surely, he didn’t mean following Joker’s invitation. Surely not. 

“He sent it here. He knows Batman that _isn’t_ here. So why send it anyway?”

“Because he’s a goddamn maniac?” Simple as that. No other explanation needed. 

“No. Because he thinks he has us. He thinks no one will show up.” 

“Because no one will. B is god knows where and we won’t get to him in time.” Why did Dick think any of this mattered? It wasn’t like they could do anything. The invite was for Batman. And they didn’t have Batman, like Dick so helpfully had pointed out. 

“But what if we don’t need B? What if there’s a way to do this without him?”

“What the hell are you talking about?” He had no other answer. Because, as far as he could see, Dick had lost his marbles somewhere. 

“The people- Jay- this is public event- he _invited_ Bruce there officially even though, he _knows_ Bruce will not be there.”

“So what?” What did he care about the people right now with one of them missing, one injured and the others in danger of being killed or seriously maimed by the very people Dick seemed so eager to protect.

“You still don’t see it, do you?” And now Dick sounded incredibly sad. Jason didn’t understand his reasons for it. Or maybe, a part of him simply refused to accept what Dick was implying.

“No.”

“If Batman doesn’t show, what will the people think?” 

“I don’t care.” He couldn’t stress that enough. Maybe he would have cared if it was anyone else on the opposite end of their good-bad scale. But not Joker. No. With that- that maniac you had to choose your battles. And he would choose wisely after the last time. 

Dick ignored him, mostly because he evidently knew it was a lie either way.

“They’ll think, he abandoned them.”

“So?”

“We can’t let that happen, Jay- we can’t let him win. Not this easily.”

Jason was about to protest again, but Dick didn’t let him. He sighed, pinching his nose with his fingers and Jason noticed they were shaking slightly. It didn’t take him long to figure out why.

“If they think Batman is gone, they’ll all come out of their shitholes. This is Gotham. Gotham can function without Nightwing but it can’t function without Batman…”

“What are you saying?” A horrid little feeling suddenly reared its ugly head. 

“Jason-” But Jason had already realised, even without confirmation on Dick’s side.

“No!” he spat “No, you’re not doing it!”

“Jason.” 

“No,” He was up from the couch in one swift motion “I don’t care! This is one night! Only one night! We’ll get him back and it’s gonna be fine! Gotham won’t burn if Batman doesn’t show up for one night!”

“Yes! Yes, it will. You know, it will.” Dick was standing now too, hands outstretched as if to placate him.

“You can’t save everybody, Dick!” Jason yelled, desperation so blatantly obvious in his voice, he didn’t know how Dick couldn’t have heard it. But Dick hadn’t or he chose to ignore it because he yelled right back. 

“I have to try!”

“Why?! Why do you have to try? Because you’re like B? Because running in like an idiot is gonna help? Sometimes, you can’t save them! Sometimes you have to save yourself! Don’t you see? If you go in there, it’s over. You’re gonna die!” Blatant hysteria. That’s what it was. He couldn’t even think straight anymore. All he saw behind his eyelids was Dick being ripped apart by that monster. Just like he had.

“I still have to try!” 

“Why?”

“Because they matter! Don’t _you_ see? Don’t you understand? That’s what he taught me- taught us! Don’t you remember, Jay? If he can save one of them that means he can save all of them! Every single one! If he doesn’t try, if he stands aside, Gotham will _fall_!”

“But it doesn’t have to be you!”

“What?”

“Why does it have to be you? You could let Damian do it. He wants it so bad anyway! Or Tim. Anyone. It doesn’t have to be you, Dick.” It was a cowardly move- a dick move so to say but Jason ran out of options fast and he wasn’t above playing dirty to get Dick to stay put. 

“Yes, it does. I’m the oldest. I wore it first. If it saves Gotham- if there is even a chance, I have to.”

“They won’t know who’s under the mask!”

“Jay…”

“What?”

“I have to. You know, I do.” Dick reached out, laid a hand on his arm and squeezed, “I know, okay? I know.”

He didn’t elaborate but Jason understood him nonetheless. And he wasn’t having it.

“No, you don’t! You have no idea what you’re going up against.”

“I do. It’s not the first time.”

“I can’t- Dickie-”

“I’m not asking you to. I would never ask that of you.”

“But I just got you…” Jason mumbled. He didn’t dare say it any louder, for fear of Dick hearing it. Ironical, really, he thought bitterly to himself. He wanted Dick to know but simultaneously abhorred nothing more than precisely that.

“Sorry, I didn’t catch that?” Dick stepped close again, fingers lifting Jason’s chin. Jason fought with himself. And he lost rather spectacularly. He had vowed not to make Dick feel guilty about it, not to be the clingy boyfriend type that Dick abhorred. Except, it turned out, he was being precisely all of that. 

_“I just got you…”_

“Jay-” He turned away; or tried to when Dick pulled him back in roughly. 

“You still have me. This doesn’t change anything.”

Jason bit back on a sigh. He had once told Dick, he wasn’t that selfish and now the time had come to prove it. Because what he had meant, what he had wanted to say was that Dick could die and that Jason could lose him after just having a taste. It wasn’t fair. He didn’t want to let Dick go. Not now. But Jason was used to getting dealt the worst hand possible and he resigned himself to it.   
  


* * *

The walls spun around him but that was due to his chair swirling. He kept staring at nothing in particular when he heard a door open. He didn’t need to look to know it was Tim. A matter of exclusion really. Dick was already getting dressed, Damian was too caught up in his injuries to care and Alfred was busy. That pretty much left Tim if Bruce hadn’t suddenly apparated in the middle of the living room.

“He talked to you, I take it.”

Jason’s hackles instantly rose “You knew he was gonna do that?”

“Yes.” 

“And you didn’t think to tell me sooner so that I could put a stop to this madness?” Were they stupid? The bunch of them? Did they really not see what could happen if they let Dick do this? Or did they just not give a damn? 

“It wasn’t my decision to make and it isn’t yours.” Like Jason cared. If he could, he would have Dick chained to his bed and not in the fun way.

“So, you’re just gonna let him do this? Walk in there and sacrifice himself?” 

“No.” 

“Sure sounds like it.” 

_“Don’t,”_ Tim’s voice was sharp, as was his gaze. His tone left no room for any argument. 

“He’s gonna get himself killed,” Jason snapped, trying to figure out if he had to actually say it for Tim to understand “He’s going to get himself killed playing the hero.”

“And you wouldn’t?” The question came out of nowhere. 

“What?”

“If you were in his place- you wouldn’t do it? If you knew the entire future of Gotham and its people rested on your shoulders. Can you look me in the eye and tell me that you wouldn’t do it?”

“YES!” He wouldn’t. No. That was ridiculous. Hadn’t they paid attention? He wasn’t the good guy. He had never been the good guy in this story. 

“Then you’re lying,” Tim said like it was that easy. 

“He’s a maniac! He’s fucking crazy!”

“I know that!” Jason doubted it. Not because Tim wasn’t intelligent but he hadn’t seen crazy up close yet. 

“Do you? Were you there?” It was unfair. It was so goddamn unfair and he knew it. But this was Dick. Dick’s life. And he needed someone on his side, someone beside him who saw the danger that was right in front of them. 

“Where?” Tim didn’t seem to understand but he had a weary look in his eyes that Jason had never seen before. He knew, what he was about to say would change their relationship forever, but he proceeded anyway. They had never talked about it, not once, but he was not about to let Dick run in there without having tried every trick in the book to stop him. They needed to know just what they were going up against. 

“When he had me! When he took a fucking crowbar to my head and left me for dead! Did you see what he did? No! And I pray to every god that’s out there that you’ll never _ever_ have to!”

He buried his head in his hands, all the fight leaving him suddenly. 

“I just- I can’t watch Dick die- not- not like that…” _Not at all_ , a voice in his head supplied.

“Who says he’s going to die? Maybe you’re severely underestimating him…”

“Maybe you all are severely underestimating what that psycho can do! Or do you honestly think, he won’t be prepared that someone shows up? That he hasn’t got a plan B or C or literally a plan for every damn letter of the alphabet?”

“So, you want to let him win?” It came out softly, like he knew too, it wasn’t fair to say that to Jason of all people.

“I want Dick to _live_.” How selfish, a part of him screamed. But wasn’t he allowed to be selfish that one time? Just once? For Dick? 

“He will.” Tim’s voice was just as sure as it had been earlier. It didn’t change a thing. 

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do.” 

“How?” How could he? There was no way to know, no way to make sure unless Dick stayed where he was.

“’cause he’s Dick.” The chuckle that made it past Tim’s lips shouldn’t have sounded so incredulous.

“And if he leaves with you guys at odds, he’ll never be able to beat him- he’ll be distracted thinking about you.”

“You’re guilt-tripping me.” He had enough brain power left in his head to realise that. 

“No. I’m telling you to let him make his own decisions and support him in them.” Potato. Potato. Just the same difference. 

“I am,” and he was. He would follow Dick into every battle “Just no this one.” The last part, he said out loud. 

“You’ll regret that your whole life.”

“Tim-”

“No. I get why what you’re saying but-” But no. But he didn’t. But he couldn’t.

“Do you? Do you really?” Jason asked, not even angry anymore. Hope had just left him, that was all. 

“Yes.” He said it with enough determination to make Jason stop.

“Or don’t you believe in him? Is that it?”

“I _always_ believed in Dick- even when I didn’t believe in Bruce. You know that.” That specific accusation aimed below the belt. And Tim knew. 

“Then _tell_ him! Tell him that you know he can do this!” Tim snapped at him, already turning around like the conversation was over. Jason wanted to say something, wanted to reason with him, defend himself but Tim refused to hear it. He threw one scathing look over his shoulder, one brow raised and said without any intonation “Or watch him fail because you didn’t believe in him.”

That hit him like a freight train, except a lot harder. He knew, he should be mad at Tim for even daring to say this but he saw the fear lurking underneath that this could actually happen. That fear was the only reason why Jason left the room with one goal in mind.

_Find Dick._

* * *

He did find him in the end. In the cave and half-way into the back-up Batman costume Jason didn’t want to look at.

“I believe in you,” he didn’t say it loudly, or with as much vigour as he felt, but Dick whipped around like he had shouted, like he had screamed. The air in-between them felt tense, waiting for the storm to pass.

“You do?” The surprise was genuine, but with a hint of teasing like Dick didn’t really know what to make of Jason’s sudden change of mind. Not that he had ever not believed in Dick but he was aware of how it could have been interpreted that way. 

“Yes.”

“Even against him.” It wasn’t really a question but Jason answered it all the same. 

“Against everyone.” Dick nodded, fingers fiddling with the cowl. He didn’t look at Jason at all. It made him think he had fucked up again when Dick asked “Promise, you won’t come out there?”

“What?” He hadn’t even really worked through what Dick was asking him when another request came. 

“I need your word.”

He snorted, displeased with himself “That I’ll stay here and hide like a coward?”

“No. Just that- no matter what happens- you won’t follow.” That sounded entirely different from what Dick had said not hours ago. 

“I can’t promise that.”

“Why not?”

“How can you even ask me to? I don’t want to go out there against him- I can’t- Dick, you know I can’t- but if- if the worst happens, I’ll be there- I have to be there.” As if that was novel to either of them. 

“That won’t happen.” Back to that overly confident head tilt. Only this time, Jason was paying closer attention and he didn’t buy it.

“Then why did you want me to promise? You already think something bad ’s about to happen or you wouldn’t have asked.” Something was off. Either Dick’s nerves had gotten the best of him or there was something Dick wasn’t telling him. He seriously hoped, for Dick’s sake, that it was the latter. 

“I don’t think that- I just know that it can and if it does- I want you out of danger and as far away from him as possible. I don’t- I can’t worry about you while I go against him.”

“Yeah, I got that loud and clear.”

“So, you promise?” He asked it again and this time, Jason gave him what he wanted to hear.

“Sure.” What was another white lie after all?

“Thank you.” Like he believed him, like it didn’t occur to him that Jason was lying through his teeth. 

“Good luck, Goldie.”

“Don’t call me that,” he smiled ruefully “please”.

“Fine. Good luck, Dick,” with a lopsided grin, he asked “better?” 

Dick didn’t answer, he just kept staring. It lasted a few seconds, then he visibly shrugged something off and went back to getting dressed.

“I’ll be waiting for you…” Jason didn’t say it to Dick in particular, rather to the room in its entirety, but Dick stiffened and gave him a short nod.

“Bye, Jay,” Dick threw over his shoulder.

Jason couldn’t help but think that it sounded too final. 

* * *

He was feeling numb while just sitting there. Sure, he could turn on the TV and watch that madness happening in real time but that would make him even more anxious. Suddenly, the entrance to the cave opened and someone tumbled in. Jason was on his feet, his hand on his gun within a second, aiming at the intruder. It took him a moment to realise just who it was.

“B?” He couldn’t believe his eyes. How the hell had Bruce gotten out of there? They had searched for him in every nook they could think of. 

“Late. I know.” Beyond late for Jason’s taste. 

“No. We- how did you get out?”

But Bruce simply shook his head, indicating he would tell the story at a later date.

“Where’s everyone?”

“Uhm.”

“Jason.” The tone was sharp, shoulders squaring. Jason merely gestured at the wall behind him, currently displaying not even one batman suit. Bruce took one good look at it, breathed in calmly twice and then sighed.

“I take it, Dick went out there?” Bruce said when he put it together that his back-up suit was missing. 

“Yes.” Jason stuck to monotone answers right now, worry eating away at him.

“Why aren’t you with him? You shouldn’t have let him go out there alone!” The inevitable question and one Jason didn’t like answering. 

“B-” Jason knew how it looked. He knew, he was a coward and he didn’t deserve to call himself vigilante anymore. Not with the way he was behaving tonight.

“What?” Bruce inspected his tablet, typing away at something, probably to track the suit to Dick’s location. 

“He’s- did you- do you know what’s going on?”

“Dick is wearing my suit and pretending to be me on patrol.” Jason snorted, wishing it was that simple. Maybe then, he wouldn’t have run in circles for the last hour or so.

“Not exactly.”

“Then what?” When Jason didn’t answer, he snapped “then what, Jason?”

“You don’t know who kidnapped you.” It wasn’t really a question. He already had a strong suspicion that Bruce had no idea who they were up against this time.

“No, why?” He didn’t want to explain, he didn’t want to have to defend himself. Not against Bruce. It had been hard enough telling Dick, his pride would take an even severer hit telling Bruce. How could he justify letting Dick go out there, against that bastard while he did nothing to help? 

“I just- I couldn’t go with him.” It was the most he could say right now, the name still not something he wanted to say out loud. Ever. It still hurt too much even thinking about him, let alone pronouncing his name. 

“Why not?”

“Because it’s him.” He prayed Bruce would understand now, that he still had that loophole and could keep his remaining sanity in check without having to actually say it. But Bruce swiftly cut through that last bit of hope. 

“It’s who?” So, the masks hadn’t given it away then. Or maybe Bruce hadn’t really looked at them. 

“Joker.” Jason could plainly see the second Bruce realised the full impact of his words. 

“I didn’t know that.” Evidently. 

“It’s-“ he swallowed around the dryness in his mouth “it’s him and I can’t- I can’t do it- don’t ask me to-” he breathed in shakily, felt his throat clog up.

“Please,” he whispered. His entire body rebelled against begging like this. He wasn’t one to back down and having to ask, having to chicken out went against everything he was taught. But he couldn’t- he just couldn’t do it.

“No- I see why you wouldn’t want to get involved. I’m glad you made that decision.” That was about as much of approval Jason had ever gotten from him. It pained him beyond words that it was for a decision Jason himself didn’t stand behind. 

“You’re going after him?” It shouldn’t even be a question, Jason knew, but he wanted verbal confirmation that Dick wouldn’t be left completely to his own devices. 

“Yes.”

“Alone?”

“No. I’ll take Tim and Damian with me.”

“Oh.” All of them were going then. It was just another hit to his guilty conscience. If Tim managed to see that fucker again, it shouldn’t be so hard for him, right? Then why did he feel physically incapable of leaving the cave or even putting on armour?

“I’ll be right back down,” Bruce, for some bizarre reason, felt like saying. Not two minutes later – or maybe it he had lost track of time again – he did come back with the others in tow. Both of them appeared in their suits, Damian putting his swords away.

“We’ll get him out of there,” Tim told him, sounding earnest. 

“Whatever.” He wasn’t even listening anymore. All of him felt so wrong.

_“Todd!”  
_

“What?” 

“We will bring him back to you.” Everything about him said “trust me” from the way he was holding himself to the determined raise of his brows. And yet, Jason couldn’t believe him.

“Jay-”

“Just go.”

“ _Jason_ …” This time, it was Bruce talking with enough softness in his voice that it riled him up even more. 

“What?!”

“Don’t follow.” It cut right through him. That neither of them believed, Jason had it in him to do this. And what’s more, that they were exactly right. He couldn’t do this. That was why he was hiding in the damn cave and watching the rest of his family get slaughtered by the very same madman that had taken his life from him. 

“Yeah I got that. Thanks! There’s no need to rub it in!” He waited for the inevitable answer and when it didn’t come, he turned around. Great. He was alone. They had gone. And all he had done was snap at them.

“Good luck,” he mumbled to an empty cave. 

* * *

The TV kept running despite Jason’s pacing. At some point he had decided to switch off the volume. That voice just got to him on another level and it hindered his ability to concentrate. Alfred had joined him five minutes later, standing there and silently judging. Not Jason, of course, but that maniac. And the people of Gotham who had come to gawk at his circus of thugs ready to kill each vigilante stupid enough to show their face.

“Why isn’t he there yet?” Jason asked for the hundred time. Not that he wanted Dick to be there but it riled him knowing he wasn’t. What if something had happened on the way?

“He is probably waiting for Master Bruce. They may have reached him in time.”

“Like that’s likely. With our shit-ton of bad luck I wouldn’t be surprised if that-” he still couldn’t bring himself to say it “that maniac has him already and is only doing this for show.”

“What?” Jason halted dead in his tracks simply because he had never heard Alfred use such a simple expression without tagging on at least a “master Jason”.

“I said-” But as it turned out, he didn’t actually need to repeat because in that precise moment, his anxiety proved to be fully justified. On the TV, that bastard in the purple suit gesticulated wildly towards the hell-mouth of an entrance and a curtain was lifted. Jason’s heart did a weird tumble in his chest when he saw Dick being dragged in by two goons, hanging uselessly in their grip, suit ripped at the seams and bloody skin showing.

“Fuck!” For once, Alfred didn’t scold him for cursing. Instead, the butler stepped closer to the TV to determine it was Dick and not Bruce hanging there.

“It’s not,” Jason pressed out “it’s not B. I can tell by the suit.”

“That does not reassure me in the slightest, Master Jason.” Jason agreed; he would have preferred Bruce in Dick’s stead too.

“I knew it,” Jason murmured, also taking a closer look despite really not wanting to, “I knew something was wrong.” He watched while biting at his knuckles when one of the thugs drew back and landed a punch right to Dick’s solar plexus. 

“Why did that idiot get himself captured?” The punch itself didn’t worry him. Dick’s lack of reaction did.

“I highly doubt it has been intentional,” Alfred answered somewhat sarcastically.

“If he’s out, he’s going to die.”

“On the contrary, Master Jason,” Alfred seemed to inspect Dick closely “I think Master Dick has a plan.”

“He’s hanging there like a goddamn deadlift.”

“Look closer.”

“What?”

“Take a close look, Master Jason. A very close look.”

“So what?” All he saw was Dick, bloody and bruised. It wasn’t something he particularly liked looking at.

“As far as I can tell, he is very much conscious.”

* * *

It took all his willpower not to curl in on himself in pain. That hit had hurt. And while Dick had been prepared to endure all kinds of pain, it was getting harder showing no outside reaction to it. Maybe it hadn’t been his best plan in the first place, letting himself get captured and brought to the Joker, seemingly too out of it to stand on his own but at least, it had worked thus far. And, to be fair, he had been on a bit of a time crunch to come up with an idea. Joker would surely not have him this close if he knew Dick was still all the way there.

“Look what we have here.” His chin was being lifted and he kept his eyes shut. If he moved now, without having a good leg to stand on, he was doomed.

“Out cold, it seems,” the Joker muttered, sounding annoyed. His chin fell back down and he let his head loll around with the momentum of it. The thug on his right purposefully kicked his shin then, making him suppress a hiss.

“Such a pity, isn’t it?” Then, while Dick was gathering his strength and planning ahead his next move, Joker addressed the audience, making them cheer when he announced he finally had gotten hold of Batman. Right. Mustn’t forget he was Batman tonight. Having his eyes closed did nothing for his situation. He couldn’t quite read the room, didn’t know where his target was currently located. So, he took a chance and looked through the slits of his eyes. Not that it helped much but, at least, he saw something purple shift in front of him.

It would all be okay, he reminded himself.

He just needed a good opening, leverage.

Despite his best efforts, his breathing sped up and his body tensed when the thought of fighting crossed his mind. Having it had drilled into him that he had to steel himself turned out to be a disadvantage. The only hope he had left was that thing 1 and thing 2 didn’t notice.

He had been so wrong. The thugs should have been the last of his worries. And in his attempt to not get their attention, he had gotten the attention from someone much more dangerous. Even when his head was whipped back a second time, he knew he had fucked up.

One didn’t forget about the biggest threat in the room. And he was paying for it when Joker’s fingers traced his mask.

“Not the best actor, batsy,” Dick knew then, that he could stop the charade. It didn’t matter now anyway.

“Such a dirty little trick. Although, I would like to know how you manage to eescape…” Before Dick could even make one move to defend himself, something heavy connected with the back of his skull.

This time, he actually lost consciousness.

* * *

“Damn that goddamn idiot,” Jason snarled at the TV. They had seen through Dick’s charade the second that maniac had turned away to address the audience. That he had missed it the first time had been unlikely, but he sure wasn’t going to miss it a second and time. And, sure as hell, when the bastard looked at Dick again, he realised Dick wasn’t as unconscious as he should have been.

“How long do you think it’ll take the others to get him out?”

“I don’t imagine they will be long.” God, Jason dearly hoped so. There was only one thing that could save Dick right now. Bruce. The actual Batman. Because for all his pretending and all his talents, Dick wasn’t that. Neither of them was. And while Bruce had taught and trained them to the best of his abilities, no one would ever be Batman but him. And the difference was noticeable. 

“To take him out?”

“To arrive.” It felt like a pang of guilt and anxiety, having Alfred put his fear into words. This wouldn’t be over soon. Not by a long shot. And, not for the first time tonight, Jason felt selfish for having stayed behind.

“You think I should be with them, right?” He didn’t know exactly what he wanted Alfred to say. 

“I think you need to do what is best for you.”

“But they’re family.” Alfred’s lips ticked up in a small little smile, acknowledging that Jason still thought of them as family. Strangely enough, though, it occurred to Jason that their discussion was switched around. He should be the one arguing to stay and Alfred should urge him to go but it was the other way around.

“And what good will it do if you cannot deliver?” 

“Ouch. You wound me, Alfie.” It should have come out sarcastically but the bone deep fear of the words being true ruined the effect. He hadn’t meant to hurt Jason with it, that much was clear but it did.

They both stared at the TV again, watching anxiously as Dick’s arms were ranched up and tied to a giant wheel. Jason recognised it as a board for throwing knifes. He wasn’t seriously going to do that, was he?

And then, with sudden clarity that overshadowed anything else, he realised that this could be it. Dick was helpless strapped to that thing. If one of those knives found its target, Dick was dead.

“He needs me,” his voice came out wrong, his limbs were shaking “Dick needs me.”

Alfred didn’t even look at him but Jason saw him nod in his periphery.

“Are you sure, Master Jason?”

“No,” he breathed, trying desperately to fight another panic attack taking hold of him. He couldn’t panic right now. He needed to get Dick out of there, get him to safety. Fuck, he should have gone with him in the first place. Instead, he had been hiding like a coward. Dick’s words came back to him, pleading him with him to stay put, to keep his promise and he wanted to give in so badly but he couldn’t.

The decision had been made for him when he saw Dick lose the little control of the situation he had had.

“I’m going to bring him back,” the promise felt heavy on his lips.

 _Or I’ll die trying_ , he thought but didn’t say.   
  


* * *

When he came to this time, things looked a lot worse. For one, his arms were tied to a pole over his head, robbing him effectively of a way to move. They had even done something to his legs, securing them somewhere he couldn’t see. His neck had a collar around it with spikes puncturing his skin. Dick forced down the anxiety at the pressure around his throat. There wasn’t really an out anymore. If something didn’t happen to tip the odds in his favour, he was doomed.

The thought settled with too much dread for him to keep breathing normally. The more he looked around, the more angry faces he saw, the more his body seemed to rebel. He couldn’t get a hang of his nerves, couldn’t stop the fear from manifesting.

 _Hopeless_ , an unbidden thought crossed his mind, _damned_.

It took him a moment longer for him to realise he was shaking. The fear settled deep in his bones and for the first time, he desperately wished Jason was with him. It was wrong, he knew, it was wrong but he still thought it. Jason would have gotten him out, they would have been two instead of one. And Jason had no qualms shooting anyone to get to Dick.

The Joker was still talking but Dick tuned it out. It wouldn’t do him any good listening to all the creative ways he was about to get tortured for a mass audience to see.

One sentence caught his attention, though. Because suddenly, the Joker was right in front of him, way too close for comfort and speaking into a microphone.

“And now, for our final act,” he felt fingers claw at his mask and white-hot shock flashed through him. His entire body fought back, wriggling in his bonds. No matter how much his arms protested or his shoulders hurt, he tried everything he could to get that fucker off of him.

“For all of Gotham to see,” the bastard kept talking and Dick desperately moved his head.

No, his insides screamed, don’t you dare to this you sick fuck.

A wave of nausea and panic, all mixed up together, hit him square in the gut, restricting his breath further.

“Ladies and Gentleman, I present to you…” Dick felt the mask give and trashed in his bonds as hard as he could.

“Tsts, keep still, batsy.” HIs head was wrenched back and then, with a final pull, his mask gave in. He felt it tear at the edges and slip off his face, displaying first his eyes then his nose and jaw.   
He was doomed. Everything he had built for himself, every move he had made to protect his identiy, it was all gone now, ripped away by some stupid maniac.

“That is impossible…” he heard the mass go wild, didn’t dare look but the Joker’s face came into view, eyes narrowed, gaze disturbingly mad.

“People of Gotham, we have been blindside!” Dick would have grinned, one last show of defiance, feeling somewhat relieved that he had taken Bruce’ place. Because the Joker had obviously realised that he wasn’t, in fact, Batman.

“You- I know you…”

No. No!

Panic spiked his blood and he prayed it wasn’t true. But the Joker continued, getting surer the longer he talked.

“You are that circus boy, aren’t you? The one Wayne took in.”

He felt the words ripple through him with devastating sharpness, piercing his heart just where it hurt most. The memory of his parents dangling down from the ceiling, the shot that had rung through the air, Bruce adopting him. All of it came back full force.

The Joker wasn’t done though.

“Which makes you too young for the bat.”

He heard the masses, undoubtedly listening, scream and yell profanities at that. Dick tried not to blame them. They needed a bad guy and batman was an easy choice. Still, after everything they had done to keep this city clean, he didn’t deserve it. Bruce deserved loyalty. He would have said as much, had even opened his mouth to do so, when he heard the Joker say “and that means, you are entirely useless to me.”

Without meaning to, Dick’s gaze snapped to the Joker’s. What he saw there frightened him, made him freeze. There was glee in those empty eyes, happiness even. The hairs on Dick’s neck rose, goose-bumps covered his arms. He wanted to get the fuck out of here. He wanted to go home. Suddenly, he felt like that little boy again, who had watched his parents die so gruesomely.

“And I have just the right way for you to go, what with the glorious setting we have here.” Dick barely listened anymore, too far gone in his head already. He didn’t react when his bounds were loosened, sensing he had no chance to escape.

“Up! Up! Up!” The mass chanted. It sounded like he was led to his execution. One desperate attempt at freeing himself earned him a hit to his knees. He heard more than felt the bone burst under his skin and couldn’t bite back on the scream escaping him.

The thugs pulled at something above their heads and it took him not longer than a second to understand what they were doing. His stomach turn upside down.

He wanted to throw himself on the ground and beg, would have rather taken a shot to the head than be strung up there. Because he knew what they would do, what the Joker had in store for him. His ankles and wrists were shackled to the metal, he couldn’t even get a good grip. Before he could make a sound, he was being lifted up. 

Higher and higher until the people blurred to one big mass.

He had never been afraid of heights, but this time, fear wrapped itself around him so tightly, he couldn’t breathe anymore. His head hurt from being upside-down. He pulled at the shackles, tried swinging but couldn’t.

Deep down in the arena, he saw the Joker aim.

He was going to die.

Oh God, he was going to die.

And he had promised Jason not to, had told him to stay behind.

He would go out without knowing Bruce was alive and well.

He would die without watching Damian grow up.

He would die without seeing Tim again.

He would die without telling Jason he loved him.

Dick refused to cry despite tears burning against his retina.

He would die like his parents. The thought came, unbidden and yet so true; haunting him.

He was about to die like his parents has, dangling from that stupid mistake.

The Joker made eye-contact, an unhinged grin on his face.

Dick closed his eyes. He couldn’t watch. He didn’t want to.

Jason had been right.

 _Jason_ …

* * *

The shot that rang through the air didn’t come from the right direction. Dick’s eyes snapped open. Down in the arena, chaos had erupted. The Joker was hiding behind the wheel for cover, shooting at someone in the stands. Dick tried to look but couldn’t see. He craned his neck.

And his heart nearly leapt out of his chest.

Because someone was wearing the batsuit and shooting at Joker and it wasn’t Jason. He could tell, even from that high above that the figure was not Jason. It had to be Bruce, no doubt about it. That fighting style, that aim. That was Bruce. And then he saw Damian, swinging his swords and nearly decapitating a thug. Tim was by his side, giving him cover. They moved around like one, shielding each other like they had never done anything else. Bruce was caught up fighting two thugs at the same time.

For a minute, the tables had turned. It seemed, like someone had tipped the odds in their favour. Dick wished, he could help, he urged to do something.

The fight went on for some time with Dick dangling uselessly in the air. Joker was suddenly backed into a corner, all three bats closing in on him. Tim was limping badly, Damian was holding his shoulder but as far as Dick could see, Bruce was okay. They had him. This would be over any minute. He prepared himself.

“Batsy, batsy, batsy,” the Joker’s voice suddenly rang through the arena, “such an entrance and for what?”

Dick didn’t like his tone. It sounded so much like triumph that his insides clenched painfully. Had they made a mistake? Was there something they had missed? 

The answer came with three separate yells and three trap doors opening. Dick saw his family fall and a second later be pulled up by strings around their feet.

A trap.

It had just been a trap. 

Joker had known they would come. He had prepared for the possibility despite being surprised Dick wasn’t Batman. He had danced around Bruce so he would be where he wanted him.

Dick wanted to yell, wanted to kick and scream and hurt. They had been so close. So goddamn close.

“What do you take me for?” The Joker snapped, for the first time looking less than put together. Dick couldn’t see him clearly but his coat seemed dirty and his hair was a mess. He would have rejoiced in it if it were any other situation.

“Did you really think I would be ambushed like that? Don’t you know me at all? I am almost disappointed.”

Bruce didn’t answer, as far as Dick could tell. He saw Tim trying to loosen his bonds but he gave up when a thug hit his head with his gun almost in warning.

“But now, let us proceed, shall we?” He stepped closer to Bruce, a manic grin on his face that had too much teeth. Dick saw the others struggle again like they knew what was about to happen. Bruce remained stoic although he seemed to be watching every one of the Joker’s moves closely.

“As I was saying before, it is my pleasure to give Gotham what it wants- to unmask Batman so that the people may live in peace.” 

As if, Dick would have snorted, disgusted by his tone, his words, his entire existence. Batman had saved so many of them and yet they were cheering for a known maniac. Dick didn’t know how Bruce wasn’t fuming, how he could dangle there and wait like it didn’t matter.

The Joker reached out, fingers closing around the mask…

A shot rang through the air, louder than the ones before. Dick couldn’t locate it when another shot hit a thug right in the shoulder. The big guy went down like a bag of rice. Joker waved at the others to shield him and draw their weapons.

“What now?” Joker sounded incredibly aggravated, like his patience was running thin. Once more, Dick dared to hope. This, Joker had evidently not prepared for.

“Right here you bastard!” Dick almost snapped his neck while whipping around. The trapeze moved while he tried to turn around to see. He would have known that voice everywhere, even with the helmet dulling it.

_Jason_

The relief was followed by ice-cold dread. Why was he here? He had promised to stay away. Dick had counted on him being safe. And now, Jason walked into the arena, casual as you please, aiming two guns at the Joker.

“Ah, Red Hood, of course, I was wondering whether you would join.”

The comment made Jason startle, even though he hid it well. But Jason knew him and all of his tells.

“Are you here for the bats or just to pay your respects?” Even Dick could tell, the Joker was losing it. His voice had become grating and his thugs didn’t once manage to hit Jason with any shot they took. He was too fast, moving too expertly.

And Joker had not prepared for him, that much was clear. He had prepared for an attack but not two. Dick didn’t dare hope this time, too caught up in his fear that Jason would be overwhelmed by his panic again.

* * *

Was that a fucking trapeze? What the hell? Why a trapeze? 

“Fuck,” Jason cursed. He knew, beyond doubt what could have happened. They were going to shoot Dick down. Like someone had his parents. Jason could see the blank fear in Dick’s body language even from where he was standing. He wanted nothing more than to cut him down but he couldn’t do that unless those maniacs were taken care of. Getting to Bruce was impossible, he realised, so he aimed for the thugs guarding Tim and Damian. Sure, he was severely outnumbered but that didn’t mean he was about to simply fall over and give up without a decent fight.

“Do you really think you have a chance?”

“Do you really think I give a fuck?”

“Apparently not!” The Joker yelled back. He motioned for his thugs to step forward. Jason quickly did a headcount, coming up with a game plan before throwing himself into the fight. He managed to get through to Tim and Damian, trying not to make it too obvious. He had to hold out a little longer, fighting off four thugs at the same time. Thankfully, they were slow, big but slow.

And then, finally, his golden opportunity presented itself. He ducked down, feigning a break to the right before sprinting to the left. One thug almost managed to catch him before he propelled through the air, knife at the ready and cut straight through the ropes holding up the Robins. They tumbled to the ground but Jason didn’t have time to see if they were alright. The thugs moved in on him before the Joker yelled to get the Robins.

Too late though, Jason noted with satisfaction. Tim was already on his feet, pulling Damian up too. Jason turned away, concentrating on the thugs coming at him with muscles bulging. He trusted the others to have it under control. And suddenly, the odds weren’t looking so dire now.

He took a heavy hit to his head, then another, feeling dizzy when he saw a thug pull back his gun. While sliding forward, he prepared for a shot. Something bashed into his helmet, hard enough for it to break. He pulled it off, lamenting its loss and instantly moved against the thug who had cost him his most valuable protection.

“I see, you still bear my mark!” The Joker suddenly yelled over the noise of the fight.

* * *

From his position up in the air, Dick saw Jason’s hand twitch, like he wanted to cover his cheek. He twisted in his bonds, tried to loosen them a little. Jason shouldn’t have come here. He should have stayed the hell away.

Dick never wanted for this to happen.

His heart broke with the realisation that Joker knew all too well who Jason was.

Who he really was. It scared him beyond rational thought.

In fact, he almost yelled at Jason to get the hell out and leave them here.

* * *

“You know, I have always considered this Robin your biggest failure, Batsy,” the Joker addressed Bruce where he was still hanging upside down. Jason didn’t want to look at him but he couldn’t help himself. Only Bruce wasn’t even listening, it seemed. His fingers were working on the bonds, so discreetly Joker hadn’t noticed.

“Not quite as brilliant as the first. Not quite as intelligent as the third. Surely not as deadly as the last.” The bastard was still talking and slowly, the words started to hit him. He forced himself to focus, to take down thug after thug so that he could get to Joker and kill him once and for all. He didn’t give a damn about Bruce’ rules, not right now.

“Always just not good enough, that one. Ohhh but I know, I know. I’m sure he has some redeeming qualities.”

 _Don’t listen_ , his inner voice scolded him.

_Concentrate.  
_

_Don’t listen to him._

_He doesn’t know shit._

“Tell me, Robin, how does it feel to come in second every time, against every one of them?” 

He didn’t deem it worth an answer, simply forward closer, hitting one of the guys right in the head. He went down without any resistance, toppling over, eyes rapidly falling close. Before he could relish that punch, he heard Damian yell out for him. He spun on the spot, looking towards the kid when he realised his mistake. Damian hadn’t yelled for him to help, he had yelled for him to pay attention. And Jason had reacted wrongly.

Understanding hit but not before a bullet pierced his chest.

He went down, hand instantly pushing against the wound. Somewhere to his left, he heard Tim curse. His knees shook when he made to stand. With barely any strength left, he managed to turn. Joker was holding a gun, still aiming at him and cackling. The laugh echoed in his head, brought him back to that day. A new sort of depression hit him, made him shiver. He fought back the memories, took a step forward.

In his periphery, he saw Tim and Damian take out other thugs, who were left.

Another staggering step.

He was rapidly losing blood. His legs gave out again after another step. Before he could do anything to defend himself, someone dragged him forward. He didn’t need to look to know. The realisation of what was about to happen came with an electrical shockwave that surged through his body.

He couldn’t fight off the hand when it pulled back his head so harshly he felt his skin rip.

* * *

A rage he had never known took hold of Dick when he saw Jason dragged over. Red seeped into his vision, making him shake in his shackles. He itched to hurt, to make that bastard feel what he had done to Jason, what Dick had vowed to never let happen again.

And now, he had to watch as Jason’s head was tipped back and Joker traced the scar on his cheek.

* * *

“Did you think, you could win? That you could win against me? I made you!”

“You didn’t do shit you bastard!” Jason spat out, blood filling his mouth. He wondered why Tim or Damian hadn’t stepped in yet, but then saw the gun in Joker’s hand. If they had moved closer, Jason’s brain would have been splattered across the arena within a second. 

“Oh, but I killed you, don’t you remember. And it was such a lovely evening. I remember you begging to kill you, to just get it over with.” He flinched when he saw Bruce stiffen in his bonds. That was a detail he had never talked about. Certainly, it was something he had wanted to forget.

“Take a good look, batsy, because, this time, he’s not going to come back.”

“Fuck you!” Jason, in that moment, decided that if he had to go, he would go with his head up high.

Joker ignored him, solely focussed on Bruce.

“Were you grateful? That I took him off your hands? That you didn’t have to see him anymore? I’d imagine he was a real nuisance back then!”

Jason felt himself slipping out of consciousness but he fought to stay awake. The Joker continued to talk, spewing insults his way, but he didn’t listen anymore. His sole focus was on Bruce while he tried not to let the Joker see. Because Bruce was moving around far too much for someone supposedly immobilised. He gestured for Jason to keep going, a simply shrug with his shoulders but Jason understood. He knew, what he was about to do was not going to end well. But he had a chance, one chance to make this stop. And he was going to use it.

“You sick bastard- go ahead- shoot me- see what good it does!” He yelled, effectively making Joker turn towards him, a nasty sneer on his lips. Jason grinned up at him, knowing, without having to look that it had worked. Bruce had asked him to keep Joker’s attention on him, to keep him from looking back at Bruce. And Jason had done it, had done it easily. He prepared himself. 

“If you could shut-” but Joker didn’t manage to finish the sentence because suddenly, those empty eyes fell close and blood trickled out of his mouth, tinting his teeth red. Jason got to see the utter surprise still on the Joker’s face before he fell over backwards.

It was like his body suddenly realised that it was over. Darkness reached for him just when Bruce sank down by his side.

“Jay? Jaybird?”

But Jason couldn’t. Not anymore.

He had held out for long enough.

* * *

When he regained consciousness, the room around him was dark. His entire body felt like one big bruise with too much pressure against his ribs which hurt with each breath. After failing to sit up, he tried to make out where he was and for how long he had been out. A few things he could make out with simply turning his head. A crick in his neck prevented him from moving around too much. From what he saw, he figured he had to be in the manor’s medical room.

Not that he had been there lately but the interior seemed familiar. He dearly hoped he wasn’t in a regular hospital, having no desire to explain to a doctor why he had an autopsy scar across his chest.

“Jay?”

“Jesus fuck!” The only reason he didn’t immediately jump off the bed was because he literally couldn’t. His entire body refused to move, leaving him with a heart attack and an adrenaline rush.

“Sorry- I didn’t mean to startle you,” Dick said, sounding sheepish. Not that Jason would know, the lights were still out.

“How are you feeling?”

“What do you think?” He couldn’t quite keep the sarcasm out of his voice. Dick didn’t answer but Jason sensed he was coming closer.

“I won’t turn on the light yet, okay?”

“Sure.” Something in him wanted to ask but another part – a much larger one – told him, he wouldn’t like the answer. Dick must have had a reason for keeping things in the dark. Maybe he looked worse than Jason remembered and didn’t want him to see.

“You okay there, Dickie?”

“No.” Of course he wasn’t. Jason had no idea why he had even asked such a stupid question. But he was at a bit of a loss right now, unable to look at Dick and gauge his reaction. 

“Kay.”

“But I’m alive. Thanks to you.” Jason almost snorted. How someone could sound simultaneously glad and angry was beyond him.

“No biggie,” he tried to joke, hoping it would lighten the mood a little. He couldn’t deal with the heavy tension between them. 

“Don’t-” Dick’s voice was sharp; it held a warning.

“What?”

“Don’t joke.”

“Why not?” Dick didn’t answer for a long time, but when he spoke up, Jason could tell he was restraining himself. 

“Because I almost lost you. I almost- it was almost too late…”

“But it wasn’t.”

“That doesn’t matter!” Dick bit back “for fuck’s sake, I told you to stay put!”

“And watch you die?” like that had ever actually been an option “no thanks.”

“Jason-” He hated how Dick said his name. It hit came out so much like disappointment that Jason had broken his promise. And even though that was true, he still had had good reason. 

“No,” he refused to back down on this “I got you out, didn’t I? So, there’s no use in fighting now.”

“Jason-”

“Please. Okay?” he hated having to ask for it, but knew he had to “just- please- not now…”

“Fine. But I’m going to yell at you. Later. When you’re- when you’re better.”

Jason nodded, silently grateful. He didn’t have the strength to listen to Dick’s speech now. Frankly, he didn’t want to, not when he had just woken up feeling like a truck had collided with him.

“How’re you by the way?” he asked, hoping a change of topic would get Dick to calm down. He could sense his anxiety from his seat.

“I’m okay,” Dick said, sounding soft. 

“Glad to hear it.”

They remained silent for a while, apart from the steady beeping of the heart monitor Jason was hooked to. The darkness didn’t help keeping Jason awake and he almost lost the battle with sleep, when Dick shifted beside him.

“You can’t do that, Jay…” Dick whispered like he was on the verge of crying.

“You can’t do that.”

Jason didn’t answer this time, the fear in Dick’s voice making him mute.

* * *

After drifting in and out of consciousness for a few days, Jason finally managed to stay awake for an entirety of five hours. The wound in his chest had been dressed and stitched back together and even his ribs were healing properly. Not that he had realised that they had been bruised in all the chaos in the arena. Tim and Damian had each visited twice already, talking a little about how they were doing and how they were glad he had come.

Dick was almost constantly by his side, watching over him. Jason would have complained if he hadn’t felt so safe. Perhaps it wasn’t healthy, but he calmed down knowing Dick was alive and well and by his side. Bruce came on the fourth day, looking worse for wear and like he hadn’t slept in a week.

He sat down on the chair Alfred had brought earlier, looking to the ground and fidgeting. Jason didn’t like it one bit.

“You’re going to have to tell me, one day, you know?” He hoped starting the conversation would give Bruce enough of a shove to finally tell him why he was here. 

“Hm?”

“How you did it. How you got out.” An almost smile ghosted over Bruce’ lips before that permanent stoic expression was back.

“I’m not going to scold you for showing up when you did,” he started but Jason suspected there was more to come.

“We wouldn’t have made it without you.”

“I’ve been told.” He couldn’t help himself. Sarcasm was always so much easier to him than serious talk. Especially, when faced with Bruce in such a mood. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Come again?”

Bruce scowled but Jason felt like it wasn’t directed at him.

“I’m sorry you had to hear that.”

“What?”

“What he said. I don’t- it wasn’t true and you shouldn’t have been forced to hear that.”

“It wasn’t-” a big deal, he had been about to say. For some reason, though, he couldn’t bring himself to actually say it. The words didn’t sit right with him. It had been a big deal. He remembered how hearing that had almost made him go back to that night, to all those things he had been before he had gotten his sanity back. Bruce must have seen something on his face, because he moved closer and reached for him.

“It wasn’t true. Nothing about what he said was true.”

“I-” but he didn’t know, did he?

Bruce had his arms in a painfully tight grip, forcing him to sit still and listen when every instinct was telling him to run. This had escalated so quickly, he had trouble keeping up. The panic and fear that were seeping into his body almost overpowered the pain still resident there. 

“You’re not- do you hear me, Jason? You’re not my biggest failure. I never thought that.”

He was almost yelling the longer the sentence went on, eyes trying to drill it into Jason. The attempt was unsuccessful. Because Jason _remembered_. And it hurt so badly, when it clicked into place why Bruce was so frantic. 

“You did,” he whispered, not recognising his own voice “when I came back wrong. You did think that. You _told_ me.”

“Because I _failed_ you!” Bruce yelled at him, face entirely too white.

“I failed you when you needed me! I let you die!” The last word was what made Jason flinch. Green seeped into his vision and he blinked furiously to see clearly.

“B-” He didn’t want to talk anymore. He didn’t want to have to reassure Bruce that it was fine. He wanted to go. He wanted to be left alone. 

_He wanted Dick._

“ _Listen_ to me!” Bruce held even tighter and couldn’t turn away “He is a maniac! He’s batshit crazy! And he aimed at you because he knew, it would hurt me! Everything he said- he didn’t say it to harm you- he said it because it would destroy me if you got hurt- if you died again, Jason! Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“No.” A lie would have been so simple and yet, it was the hardest thing to do. 

“What?”

“No. I don’t. You- you didn’t-” but he trailed off, biting his tongue. The words felt wrong, too cruel to say them.

“What didn’t I do?”

His insides were at war, his head hurt with the effort to keep himself together. It took a long time for him to say it, for him to give a voice to everything that had kept them from being open with each other, from trusting each other for all those years. 

_“You didn’t save me…”  
_

Bruce’ mumbled “I know” Jason didn’t even hear. He was talking to himself, muttering under his breath in a litany he had kept to himself for far too long.

“I needed you to save me but you- you didn’t come… all this time in that stupid fucking cold warehouse and you didn’t show. I was counting on you- even when I couldn’t breathe anymore because it hurt so much, I was counting on you- but you didn’t show-”

“I know,” Bruce said again, with more determination like he had any idea what Jason had gone through, what having to face Joker again had done to him. How much that night had almost cost him. Again. 

“No!” he snarled, despite knowing he shouldn’t, “you don’t know! You. Weren’t. There.”

“Jason-”

“And when you didn’t come, I did the only thing I could- I saved myself- and I came back wrong- I know, I came back wrong but what choice did I have? What else was there to do? You let me die in there- you let him kill me but I came back- there was nothing else I could do- but you didn’t want me like that- you didn’t help me-“

“Jay-” But Jason didn’t hear him, didn’t want to hear his reasons and excuses and promises he couldn’t keep. 

He rambled on, suddenly yearning to get it off his chest and be done with it.

“It felt like dying- like I was dying again, you know? Like I was dead and it didn’t matter that I was standing right there- right in front of you. You couldn’t even look at me. You never once looked at me.”

“I’m sorry,” Bruce said for the second time tonight. It should have shocked Jason but it didn’t. And it also didn’t matter. Not right. now. 

“That doesn’t change anything,” he said, sounding exhausted. It had cost him so much strength, all this talking and he felt it leave him rapidly. The darkness was back, long fingers on the edge of the bed, ready to take him away.

“What would?”

“What?” He was barely conscious, almost couldn’t get the words out. His tongue lolled uselessly in his mouth, too heavy to talk. 

“What would change anything? What can I do to make it up to you?” Bruce looked like he was at his last resort, like he had no idea how to fix this despite desperately wanting to. Jason would have liked to reassure him but the truth was “I don’t know…”

* * *

With a jolt, he sat up in bed, heart going a mile per minute. The movement pulled at his stiches and made the pain in his body more pronounced. He was breathing hard, drenched in sweat. It took him a moment to realise, he was crying, his arms shaking where he tried to wipe away the tears. The memories overwhelmed him again.

“Jay?” Dick had been woken up by the sudden movement, “Jay, what’s wrong?”

“Stay- please? I need-” a sob cut him off. 

“I’m right here, Jay.” He could hear, without looking up that Dick was confused. He wanted to explain but the tears wouldn’t stop. 

“I need to go. I need to leave.” He couldn’t stay with them any longer, suffocated by Bruce’ presence and the shadows of the past. Right now, distance between them was the only thing that could help him heal. He just needed time to sort all of it out, to get his emotions in check. 

“Where? Tell me and I’ll help you. I promise, Jay, just tell me.” Dick sounded as frantic as Jason felt. He was already dabbing at Jason’s face, wiping away sweat and tears, hands never leaving him. 

“Home,” he breathed out between hives. 

“I’ll get you there,” he reached out for Jason’s hands “can you stand?”

“Hurts.”

“Of course it does. You’re injured. You should stay in bed.”

But Jason shook his head a violent “no”. There was a bed in his apartment. He just needed to leave right now or the pit would swallow him again. He had been doing so good lately, but after that night, after watching all that happen and once more being so close to death, he couldn’t fight off the green that well. It was like the memories weakened him further, robbed him of his ability to sleep and recover. The longer he stayed awake, the less rest he got, the more susceptible he was to the nightmares. 

“Couldn’t stay there…” he mumbled as way of explanation, keenly aware, despite his racing pulse that he owed Dick at least that much. 

“Why?”

“Bruce.” Dick’s grip on him tightened while he helped him get dressed. Jason was grateful Dick was taking him away, was moving heaven and earth to get him out of here without trying to argue. He must have looked desperate, clinging to Dick and begging him to help. 

“What did he do this time?”

“Talked to me- about- about that night.” He didn’t need to specify for Dick to understand. It didn’t really matter which night he meant. In the end, they had both been damaging enough. 

“Hey- hey- stay awake, okay? You need to stay awake until we get you home.”

“Sorry.” It came out slurred. He was barely conscious. 

“Don’t apologise” just before Jason’s eyes closed, he heard Dick mumble “idiot”.

The sliver of a smile tugged at his lips before his face blanched again and he blacked out, finally succumbing to the darkness.

* * *

Driving a car while staring at the back seat every five seconds or less was not safe. Dick learned that the hard way almost running a red light. They did reach Jason’s apartment but Dick had to carry Jason all the way. He didn’t know how he managed, feeling Jason’s body weight every step. His knee threatened to give out once or twice, still in a bandage, still horribly injured. He hobbled more than walked but somehow found the strength to help Jason onto the bed.

“You gonna stay, Dickie?” Jason murmured with his eyes still closed. Dick figured he had to be pretty out of it to ask so directly.

“Do you want me to?”

“Yeah.” That cemented it. He would have stayed either way, whether Jason liked it or not, but hearing him actually approve was another matter. 

“Then I’ll stay.” He said it like the decision hadn’t been made well before that. If Jason had seriously thought Dick would leave him while still injured, he had another thing coming. 

“Here.”

“What?” He must have missed something because surely Jason wouldn’t ask him to-

“Here. You need sleep too.” And apparently, he had understood it correctly. A surge of panic went thorugh him with lighting speed. 

“I can’t sleep now, Jay- I have to- you’re injured- I have to make sure you don’t do something stupid.”

He had been about to say “die in your sleep” but, at the last second, had reconsidered. He couldn’t disrupt Jason now, not with those words. 

“Bed,” Jason insisted, lifting his hand to pat the space beside him. 

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Feels better.” And now he was officially lost. 

“What?” Who was that? It didn’t sound like Jason. But Dick would take each tiny bit of softness from him that he could get.

“Need to know you’re real,” Jason mumbled, face buried into the pillow “need to know I got you out.”

“You did. Heroically.” He was still bitter about the whole thing but the tirade could wait until Jason was up and moving and not passing out in his bed.

“Stop grinning, you asshole.” Not that he could see his face but he knew anyway.

“’m not an asshole.” But he was conscious enough to smile and talk back. Dick would take it. After Jason had woken him up with a scream and had proceeded to sob into his shirt, he would take sarcasm gladly. 

“Yes, you are. You can’t do that to me Jay- I almost had a heart attack when you showed up.” They had had that argument already, though, he felt like it needed to be stated often enough for it to really get through that thick head of Jason’s.

“Course I showed up.” He said it like he was proud, like it was a great feed he had accomplished. And while Dick silently agreed, he couldn’t say that out loud or Jason would never learn not to risk his own head. 

“Don’t scare me like that again. That’s all I’m asking.”

“Sorry…”

And with that, he was out again.

* * *

The room had stopped spinning, which was a good sign. He was vaguely aware that Dick had brought him home but had no idea why that had been necessary in the first place.

Although, now that he thought about it…

He had talked to Bruce, hadn’t he?

Bits of a conversation he rather wanted to forget flashed through his mind. He would get a headache sooner or later if he kept that up.

“Hey-” Oh. Right. Dick. Great.

“Hey,” Jason croaked out, mouth dry. Before he could ask Dick for some water, Dick already held out a glass to him.

“You shouldn’t exhaust yourself like that,” Dick reprimanded “you’re still injured.”

Jason didn’t answer, using the water as a shield to hide behind. He wasn’t in the mood for getting scolded.

“Don’t think we’re not going to talk about what happened there. Because we will. Just not now.”

The grin that took hold on his lips peaked through entirely without his permission. Dick looked like an angry wife, arms stemmed into his sides and raised brow. He could vividly imagine that Dick was fuming inside at his recklessness.

“I mean it, Jay-” he sat down on Jason’s bed with a long-suffering sigh “you can’t do that.”

Jason felt like Dick was repeating that particular sentence on purpose but couldn’t quite get behind his reasoning. 

“Sorry.” 

“Yeah,” Dick nodded “you will be. Later though.” He reached out to fluff the pillow behind Jason before gesturing at him to lean back.

“Now, rest.” He pointed – rather vividly – at Jason’s bed like that would make Jason fall asleep any faster.

“Fine.”

“If you need something-”

Jason rolled his eyes at Dick’s mothering “I’ll call.”

“No,” another stern look, this one with a hint of confusion “you’ll yell.”

It didn’t take long for the implication of those words to register in his brain. 

He gaped at Dick, mouth hanging open “You’re staying?”

“Yes.” 

“But-”

“Not up for discussion.” Jason knew when he had lost a battle and so he simply accepted the inevitable. He didn’t feel like fighting about this. Especially not since he actually wanted Dick to stay but hadn’t been sure if he was allowed to ask.

He leaned back against the cushions, vision only spinning slightly. His mind went back to his conversation with Bruce and to everything that had come before. Without meaning to, he thought about Dick. It crashed over him like a tidal wave, that feeling of being too fucked up for even Dick to handle. Sure, he was playing nurse now, but he shouldn’t have to. Jason shouldn’t put him in this position, shouldn’t ask so much of him.

Dick always said he liked doing it, that he wanted to care for him but Jason felt unsure. To Dick, their relationship seemed easy, effortless. To Jason, it was hazardous. He kept going back to that dark place, kept doubting himself. What if Dick broke up with him? What if Dick decided he was asking too much?

Whenever his conversation with Bruce came up in his mind, he realised just how much the Joker had taken from him. He knew, he wasn’t functioning. And he didn’t know if he ever could. If there was any hope for him left. Maybe, he was right. Maybe he was too damaged, too broken to be saved.

Sometimes, when Dick looked at him, his light burned so bright, it made Jason hurt. He felt like Icarus. Flying too close to the sun, yet longing to get closer still. Dick’s touch scorched his skin but when he fell, he did so smiling.

But then, Dick walked back into the room in his pyjamas and motioned for Jason to scoot over. He didn’t ask why.

“Sleep well, Jay,” Dick murmured into his shoulder, breath warm and inviting. Jason turned his head, tempted to kiss him right there, despite knowing he shouldn’t.

“You can kiss me, Jay.” And apparently, he had said that out loud.

“I want you to.” His heart did a funny little tumble.

“Yeah?” Dick nodded, waiting for Jason to make a move. Jason, however, was so caught up freaking out that he couldn’t bring himself to. There was a beat of silence and then Dick smiled at him again, this one more subdued, before kissing him instead.

Jason hadn’t realised how much he had needed this until now. Having Dick close, feeling him breathe and seeing him smile, it did things to him, made his stomach flutter with happiness. He didn’t know how Dick always managed to pull him out just when he was at the brink of those thoughts, but he did. The kiss felt like confirmation, like reassurance that Jason needn’t worry, that Dick still wanted him. 

_We’re okay_ , Jason reminded himself.

Or at least, they would be.

* * *

“Jay? Are you awake?” He didn’t make a sound, hoping desperately that Dick thought he was sleeping. Fearing another health-check Dick was so keen on ever since that day. He just wanted to sleep and for Dick to settle down and calm his nerves. No one had died, there was no need to act like someone had.

“Guess not…” he heard Dick mumble. The bed dipped on one side, indicating that Dick had sat down. A hand suddenly carded through his hair, playing with the white strand.

“You’re gonna be okay.” Jason almost couldn’t take the tenderness in Dick’s voice. He bit his lip to keep quiet.

“I know what happened there was-” Dick heaved a sigh “it was horrendous, I know. But you’ve come back from worse.”

If it had been a real conversation and not Dick talking at him, Jason would have taken the opportunity to prove Dick wrong. Yes, he had come back from worse but only just. And it had cost him so much more than just his life.

“I thought I lost you, you know? When you walked in, I was so sure he would kill you right there and make me watch.”

Jason forced himself to keep still, to not react to those words. It played upon his own fear so much that his heart was racing in his chest. He prayed Dick wouldn’t notice.

“I barely survived the first time.” At first, Jason didn’t know what he meant but then – with sickening certainty – the penny dropped.

“I know you don’t- we never talked about it- but I was devastated when I heard- when Bruce told me…” Dick’s voice changed to something heavy; he sounded throttled. 

“I was so selfish then- because I was glad I wasn’t there- that we couldn’t find you- your- your body- because I couldn’t see you like that, you know?”

No, he didn’t know. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to. There were somethings better left unsaid. Not that he could stop Dick now without making the situation worse. It left him with nothing to do but continue to listen. 

“I would have killed him- if he had gotten to you again, I would have killed him, Jay.”

Jason tasted blood, having bitten right through his lip. It shocked him, those words shocked him. He almost couldn’t believe them to be true. He had always known Dick to have dark side – all of the bats had – but that it ran this deep made him curl in on himself. Dick was too bright, too good to fall this low. 

“It scared me. You have no idea how much it scared me- to realise what I would do for you- the lengths I would go to, to get you back- I would have put you in that damn pit again if it meant getting you back- if it had been necessary…”

He could feel the fear in the air, fuelled by his own feeding off of Dick’s. If he ever wound up in that pit again, he wouldn’t come back. He would never recover from that. 

“I’ve never- I don’t think I ever wanted someone dead as much. And when he touched you- I couldn’t- I could barely take it- I was so _mad_ -”

It was evident in his voice that Dick was seething beside him. The fingers in his hair tightened their grip to an almost painful degree.

“Because you’re mine, okay? You’re _mine_ and he doesn’t-” Dick breathed in like he needed to calm himself “he doesn’t get to take you from me. Never again.”

Jason firmly believed that if someone could make that promise come true, it would be Dick. He almost felt safe then, like things could be okay.

“I just wish- sometimes I wish you would tell me but then I think- I don’t know what I think…” he trailed off, chuckling softly. In his head, Jason was cursing himself, screaming at Dick to finish his sentence.

“You look peaceful right now, you know?” How? How could he look peaceful? Jason must have been a better actor than he gave himself credit for.

“I wish you would always look like this- young- like you can sleep with no nightmares. It- fuck, Jay- I want you to be _happy_ -” every nerve in his body was telling him to speak up now and put Dick out of his misery. He was happy. When he could be with Dick, he was happy. 

“But you’re not- right? You’re not- because you’re hurt and I get that…” this was slowly but surely getting way too emotional. 

“I just- I want you to know that you can talk to me…” Silence spread for a minute or two in which Jason fought a battle in his head. He knew what Dick was referring to and he admitted he had played with the idea to talk to him for quite some time. Not now though. That was a conversation he needed to be fully awake for. 

“God, I’m so stupid,” Dick sounded incredibly sad and Jason could barely take it anymore “you can’t even hear me…”

He stopped talking then, turning around until he was presumably on his back and staring at Jason’s ceiling. 

“You can’t hear me…” he mumbled again. Jason’s heart ached for him, but, at the same time, he couldn’t say something. His mouth seemed permanently glued close. For a little while longer, he listened for Dick until he heard his breath even out.

Evidently, Dick had finally surrendered to the exhaustion. Jason wished it hadn’t taken this long. Dick shouldn’t exhaust himself like this. He had been awake for so long, no wonder he was getting emotional now. After making a mental note to reprimand Dick tomorrow about his lack of self-care, he carefully turned around until he faced Dick.

Realisation dawned then, about what Dick meant when he said “peaceful”. Because Dick certainly looked his age, like every nasty thing which had happened wasn’t forever etched into his soul. He made sure Dick was completely asleep before scooting closer. 

“I hear you, Dickie,” he whispered into his hair “I hear you.”

* * *

Dick wondered sometimes, whenever Jason got into those moods, when his gaze held a little too much green, if he could save him. If there was a way – any way at all – to stop that anger from boiling before it reached that point where Jason’s entire body was vibrating with it, when his skin burned with the rage inside him. Some days, Dick believed, he could, believed there was a chance. Others, resignation settled in him, an outlook into a dull future, with Jason gone forever. It scared him more than he would have thought possible. He came up with those scenarios, worst case scenarios, and he couldn’t take it.

Night after night, he mulled it over, prayed for an out, for an exit strategy, for the golden ticket that would help him hold on to Jason so tightly that he couldn’t ever tip over that cliff. Some nights, he succeeded. Most nights, though, most nights, he didn’t. And Jason slipped right out of his grip and fell, disappearing into the black abyss like he had once before.

“What about Gotham?” Jason asked one day, sounding caught between wanting to know and still being angry about the fiasco.

“Tim took care of it.”

“Of course he did,” he paused, scratching his cheek, “so B is back to being the good guy? They already composed an aria to him as an apology?” 

“Not quite that drastic,” Dick smirked “but Dami told me they’re thinking about putting up a statue.”

“You’re kidding.” The look of absolute horror on Jason’s face was quite entertaining. 

“Wish I was.”

They fell into comfortable silence for a while. Dick contemplated just dropping the topic but now that Jason had somewhat brought it up, he couldn’t let it go. He felt insincere keeping it to himself and he owed Jason the truth.

“You were right,” he said when they were seated at the dinner table, not really sure whether last night’s confession had prompted it or whether he had wanted to say it for a while longer. 

“What?” Okay, maybe he should elaborate, especially, since Jason had been asleep when Dick had decided to get emotional. 

“You were right, Jay. You said it- back when things were- when things were rough- you said that I don’t know what it feels like. And you were right. I have no idea what you went through. But I want to.”

“You want to what?” 

“I want to know.” 

Jason gave a growl Dick interpreted as a warning before saying his name “Dick-”

“If you don’t want to tell me, I understand. But if you do- if you can- I’d like to know.” He didn’t quite feel like disclosing his reasoning behind it, afraid of what Jason would think of him once he did. 

“Why?” he breathed it out so quietly, Dick almost didn’t catch it. 

“Because I care about you.”

“It’s not that simple.” It should be. But Dick knew – now more than ever – how deep the abyss was Jason fell into when those moods took over. He thought back to that singular moment and felt a shiver instantly trickled down his spine. 

He powered on, telling Jason “it is to me.”

“I don’t get it.” And he wouldn’t, would he? Because no one had ever asked. A wave of guilt swapped over Dick and threatened to swallow him whole. 

“Look-” he didn’t know where to start, how to get it through to Jason without scaring him, possibly without even mentioning why he was suddenly so interested.

“This is you, right? Your trauma. Your history. And I want to know so I can- so I can understand you. The real you. Not Red Hood or Robin or whatever else you’re posturing as. I want to know _you_. Like you know the real me.”

“Why me? You could have- you could have had it easy, Dickie, a nice picket fence life, beautiful girl, kids. Why me?” Like that had ever been in the cards for him. Like he even wanted that. It seemed like a lifetime sped past them where Dick had just that. But Dick was sure, had been since the first time Jason had looked at him like he was worth something _more_.

“Because you see _me_.”

“Course I do, Dickie,” Jason chuckled like it was obvious, “who else is there to see?”

Dick was aware Jason didn’t need an answer, knowing full well what Dick was insinuating. Like an inside joke between them, he entertained him anyway. 

“Dick Grayson. Nightwing. The first Robin.” He made a gesture with his hand as if to say the list was endless. 

“I see those too, you know? Every time.” It was the same for Dick, he saw Jason’s alter egos too. But somewhere, they overlapped and that somewhere was only for very few people to see. 

“But you still see me.”

“Yeah, but they’re you too, Dickie. You’ll always have part of them in you.”

“I know.”

“I like you best,” he mumbled like it was a secret only to be told in whispers “the real you, the one you don’t show ‘em.”

Dick’s brain short circuited when he heard Jason whisper those words to him. The tingle that trickled down his spine had him shivering with need. Without meaning to, he yanked Jason forward by the hem of his shirt. Their lips smashed together hard enough for Dick’s lip to burst upon impact.

“Fuck-” Jason hissed, presumably tasting the blood in his mouth. Dick didn’t care about the sting, too occupied with holding Jason in place.

“Dickie- what-” but he didn’t let him finish. One hand found its way to Jason’s hip, squeezing so hard, he felt the bone shift under his thumb, the other went up to his hair pulling so that Jason’s head tipped back. Dick instantly attacked his neck, sucking deep purple bruises into his skin. Jason moaned, a wet sound in his throat before his fingers closed around Dick’s shoulders as if to keep him steady on his feet. 

“Mine,” Dick bit out, tongue soothing over the hickey he had just created, “you’re _mine_ , Jay.”

Jason’s entire body twitched in his hands, his eyes rolled back.

“ _Yes_ ,” he hissed, lighting a fire in Dick’s veins. He loved hearing Jason affirm it, watching him tremble with desperation. It occurred to him that he was rushing, that he was too harsh with Jason but he couldn’t stop himself. His fingers itched to squeeze even harder, to make Jason see stars. He needed to feel Jason against him, to make sure he was real. On accident, he scratched the scar that crossed Jason’s side. The moan that left Jason’s mouth was so positively filthy, Dick’s pants felt instantly tight when he heard it. 

“I want you,” he murmured, thinking to himself, he had never said anything more genuine.

“Yeah,” Jason nodded, fingers spasming against Dick’s arms “’kay.” The readiness in his voice surprised Dick a little but in a good way. He almost couldn’t believe it, how hard Jason was breathing, how his hips twitched in Dick’s grip as if they wanted to grind against him on their own accord.

“Are you sure?” he had to ask, to be certain, to quench that little doubt he still had that Jason really wanted him back just as much.

“Yes-” Jason whispered like it was a secret, not talked about aloud. And then, to wreck Dick completely, he leaned in, licking down Dick’s neck and sighed “please” right into Dick’s ear. He had to have known what that would do to Dick.

“ _Fuck_ \- come here, Jay…”

This big man, so deadly, so dangerous, melted against him with a shy blush dusting his cheeks. It was a sight so rare to behold. Dick had never, in his life, not even when he had first put on his suit, felt so powerful. It thrilled him to the bone, made a piece of him click into place that had been amiss all those times before.

“How do you want it?” he knew asking that wasn’t entirely sexy but it was a question worth answering.

“Huh?” it would have been adorable, how Jason’s eyebrow shot up, if not for the way his pupils were blown wide.

“Do you want to fuck me?” he took Jason’s hands and let them rest dangerously close to his ass, enjoying the way they fit so perfectly into the curve of his back.

“Or do you want me to fuck you?” as if to demonstrate, he pulled Jason against him, rolling his hips in a way that he knew would make Jason see stars. Instantly, Jason’s mouth dropped open, a gasp escaping it.

“I don’t-” Jason heaved a sigh “I don’t know…”

“But don’t you have a preference?” Dick was confused, even so far that he stepped back. Jason moaned at the loss of bodily contact.

“No.” 

“No?” Dick couldn’t quite believe he heard that right. However, Jason simply said “No” again, throwing Dick into a frenzy. 

“I don’t- understand?” What did that mean? Why didn’t Jason know what he wanted? Surely, he must have had fantasies? Dick had had so many over the years, with Jason in all kinds of position.

“Just do whatever…”

“What- no.”

“Why not?” Now Jason looked all kinds of focussed but not in a good way.

“Because I want to give you what you want.” How did Jason not know this? That’s how it worked. 

“I want you.” As glad as Dick was to hear that, it still didn’t answer the question, so Dick asked again. 

“But how?”

“I don’t know. Your choice.”

“No!” He couldn’t do that. He needed Jason to tell him what he wanted. That part was essential. Dick wanted to give Jason everything he could imagine. And now, the bastard was being deliberately difficult.

But Jason had evidently lost his patience, snapping “just choose, for fuck’s sake!”

“I can’t just choose if I don’t know what you want!”

“I want _you_ to decide!”

“Why?”

“Because you’re such a people pleaser, Dick! And it’s really getting on my nerves! I never know if you’re doing something because you’re enjoying yourself or because you think it’s something I want!”

“Oh.” The fact that Jason not only knew that, but also cared enough to point it out made Dick’s chest ache sweetly. 

“Just- please, okay? I’m fine with whatever. So, just choose.” Dick noted several things then. First, that he hadn’t had the freedom of decision in a long time. Second, he really was rather lucky to have scored Jason. Third, Jason sounded so awfully good when saying “please” that Dick wanted to hear it on a loop forever. Fourth, the idea of having Jason beg in an entirely different scenario really turned him on.

He realised, that there was no bending to someone else’s will, no moulding himself into Jason’s fantasies. Because Jason didn’t _know_ , couldn’t decide. For the first time, Dick had a partner who truly had no preference, because he had no experience. It would be Dick’s decision, and his alone. And he _relished_ it.

“Okay. I can- I can do that…”

In his head, a game plan was already forming. If Jason wanted him to decided then so be it. But he better buckled up because Dick had an idea or two about how he could make Jason lose his head. Jason had asked for him, well, he would get purely Dick.

And Dick’s fantasies were endless and endlessly filthy. 

* * *

It took some time for them to make it to the bed. Jason had – rather unattractively in his opinion – stumbled over his own shoes and had had to hold onto Dick’s shoulders to regain his balance. His nerves went through the roof the second Dick’s fingers hit the waistband of his jeans. For some reason, it felt differently this time, like it meant more.

“Did I ever tell you, I love your bed?” Dick tracing circles on Jason’s neck with his tongue was almost too much of a distraction to keep up with what Dick was saying.

“N-no,” Jason answered, ashamed of the stutter in his voice.

“Well, I do. Wanna know why?” Jason felt himself nod, captivated by the way Dick’s eyes seemed to gleam in the low light of the room. They had an odd sort of blue, too deep and too prominent to be true.

“Because of all the things I can do to you in it.” Heat flushed his face and he suppressed a moan, mentally declaring Dick’s mouth the bane of his existence.

“What- what do you wanna do?” He hated how his voice skipped again in the middle of the sentence. Why did Dick have to do this to him?

“Oh, I’d rather just show you, Little Wing.” Being called that while Dick gently bit his neck made Jason gasp, his cock aching in his pants.

“Why- why do you call me that?” he had to ask, the nickname so old, from so long ago, that it made him wonder.

“Aren’t you?”

“Am I what?”

“My Little Wing?” He should say “no”, he should be more prideful but he couldn’t, not with Dick grinding against him, voice lower than Jason had ever heard it.

“That won’t do,” Dick mumbled, teeth grazing his skin again, this time, hard enough to make Jason tense up.

“What?”

“I asked you something Jay, and I expect an answer…” He didn’t know if it was Dick’s voice or his words that made him burn with desire.

“Yes…” he breathed out, completely overwhelmed by this side of Dick.

“Yes what?” The demand was overtly prominent in Dick’s entire demeanour and his lips closed around Jason’s pulse point like a warning, a reprimand almost. 

“ _Yes_ , I am your Little Wing.” His entire body was on fire when he admitted to it, the words coming easier than he would have thought.

“So good- _fuck_ \- you’re so good…” Dick rewarded him by ripping off his shirt and attacking his chest with his lips. Jason tumbled, the back of his knees hitting the bed. He let himself fall, pulling Dick with him.

“Is that-” Jason asked “is that what you meant?”

“Hm?”

“When you said- _ngh_ \- when you talked about preference?”

“Yeah.”

“So this is yours?” He hadn’t really given it much thought before, but now, he was curious.

“No- not- I don’t usually-” Dick sat back on his heels, eyes roaming over Jason’s body “usually people don’t want me to do that- they like- they prefer it the other way ‘round.” Dick’s feelings on the matter were so evident, Jason felt bad for him. It had to be hard having to do this according to someone else’s wishes every time. 

“And you?”

“I like it like this.” As if to prove to Jason just how much Dick enjoyed himself, he let his hips roll down in one of the dirtiest motions Jason had ever seen him do. 

“Good,” he ground out, slowly surrendering to Dick’s touches. It just felt so damningly good, being able to give Dick something no one else had given him. 

* * *

If he hadn’t known before how perfect Jason was for him, Dick absolutely knew now. He wasn’t particularly surprised to see Jason react well to his dominant side, but it still made his heart beat faster knowing they were compatible in that regard too.

He let his hands roam over Jason’s chest, travelling over scars and muscles alike. His mouth watered just at the sight of Jason’s abs clenching at each little touch. It had been quite some time since he had been with some this fit. Needless to say, it pushed all of his buttons. That paired with Jason’s obvious submissive tendency made Dick impatient. He watched Jason’s expression carefully before pulling down his jeans. When he saw no sign of discomfort, he leaned forward, kissing down Jason’s chest towards his navel.

“You don’t have to…” he heard Jason murmur like it was such a hardship.

“Oh, but I want to…” his grin was just on this side of devilish, he was well aware. It also didn’t surprise him to see Jason arch on the bed when his lips closed around Jason’s cock. His head felt a little light with the knowledge that Jason had never experienced anything like this before. A heady mix of power and adrenaline. With his tongue he trailed the length of Jason’s cock, taking note of each shiver and each cut-off moan.

He waited until Jason was suitably dishevelled before swallowing him down in one swift motion. If he could have grinned with his mouth full, he would have. Because Jason let out a string of curses so colourful Bruce would have instantly covered Damian’s ears if he had heard it. 

Dick pulled off then, delighting in the way Jason’s hips wanted to follow him instinctively. He made sure to establish eye contact before taking Jason in again. 

“Damn-” he heard Jason’s head hit the bed and hummed approvingly. It resulted in another deep moan, followed by “fuck, Dickie!”.

Jason buried one hand in Dick’s hair and the other in the sheets. Dick liked the way he could feel Jason’s level of arousal simply by the tightness of his grip on him. On one particularly deep hum, Jason’s hand spasmed where it was curled so hard around the strands of his hair that it actually hurt. His mouth popped free and he grinned.

“Liked that, did you?”

“ _Fuck_ \- you- you’ve no idea…”

“You think so?” He didn’t let Jason answer, instead toying around the head of his cock with his tongue. 

“Dickie-” it came out like a whimper, soft and breathy “I’m- _God_ \- I’m so close…”

Dick stayed where he was for a moment longer, enjoying the way Jason’s breath hitched on every upstroke. When he saw Jason’s abs tighten however, he pulled off and scooted upwards.

“Still wanna continue?”

“Yeah,” Jason nodded, suddenly looking a lot like an oversized puppy. Dick smiled to himself, one hand cupping Jason’s chin to turn his head up. Their lips met and it still made Dick tingly all over.

“Let me?”

“Huh?”

“You still got your pants on,” Jason pointed out with a lopsided grin, a blush dusting his cheeks like he was embarrassed having asked.

“Oh,” he hadn’t even noticed, so focussed on Jason that the burning need in his own veins hadn’t even registered “Sure. If you want to?” He phrased it as a question deliberately to give Jason an out if he wanted it.

“Believe me Goldie, I want to.” Suddenly, all that cockiness was back, like Jason hadn’t just been a shivering mess. Dick felt himself positively smitten. Jason undressed him quickly, but not without exploring a little. Only when Jason’s hand closed around him did Dick realise that he was achingly hard already.

“Do you-” he had to breathe in deeply for a second when Jason twisted his hand on the upstroke, “do you want to just do this? Or do you want to do more?” He knew Jason had told him already that he wanted to go all the way but he also knew that people could – and were allowed to – change their minds half-way through. And he didn’t want to pressure Jason into something that would overwhelm him.

“More,” Jason said, sounding determined if a bit nervous.

“On your back then,” Dick directed, following in-between his legs when Jason spread them for him. The act of doing so made Dick’s mouth water again. Jason just looked so delectable all spread out for him.

“You tell me if it gets too much, okay?” 

“Yeah.”

“Promise?” Because he knew Jason could be a stubborn idiot. 

“Yes.” The roll of his eyes was entirely uncalled for and Dick let his teeth graze over his skin in a playful reprimand.

“It’s important, okay?”

“I know.” This time, it sounded a lot sincerer. Dick smiled against Jason’s neck when he heard it. They shared a kiss, then another, desire burning in Dick’s gut. He leaned over to the nightstand, without breaking their kiss, feeling incredibly glad Jason had stocked up on lube because otherwise, they would be in tight spot right now. _Pun not intended.  
_

After coating his fingers, he slowly traced Jason’s cock, relishing the way it jerked in his grip. He stayed there for a while, wanting to relax Jason before moving on. Only when Jason’s breath got fast again, and his fingers did their own impression of vices around the sheets, he let one finger ghost over Jason’s ass.

Jason gave a soft “ngh” and spread his leg a little further as if to make more space for Dick to touch him. Dick circled his entrance before slowly pushing in his finger. At first, Jason seized all movement, going incredibly still. He seemed to focus on breathing for a minute until, suddenly, his body relaxed again and allowed for Dick to move his finger a little.

“Okay?” he murmured, watching Jason’s face closely. The nod came abruptly but it was there so Dick continued pushing his finger in. The air between them felt heavier than usual with Dick hovering over Jason like that. Intimate, Dick thought while his gaze held Jason’s. His breath got stuck in his lungs when he saw Jason’s pupils were blown so wide, the teal was almost gone from his eyes.

“You like this, don’t you?” Jason chuckled wetly, biting his lip when the movement made Dick’s finger scrape his prostate.

“Yes,” Dick whispered back, hoping to say without saying that Jason was turning him on beyond rational thought.

“Not surpr- ised…” Jason ground out, a half grin on his face that Dick wanted to kiss desperately.

“No?”

“No,” he shook his head “figures you’d be a control freak in bed.”

Dick wasn’t proud to admit it but the second Jason said it, he deliberately let his nail scrape that sweet spot inside Jason just to watch him stutter and squirm in his grip. He kept it up until he saw Jason gasp for breath, eyes watering and legs quivering.

“Please-” there it was, what Dick had been listening for. God, he would never get enough of Jason begging. It set something off in his head that he didn’t want to analyse too closely.

“Hm?”

“Can- can you-” he didn’t seem able to form a coherent sentence and settled on “more?”

“You want more?”

“Yes.”

“Say it again?” Once more, he phrased it like a question, wanting to coax Jason softly without making him uncomfortable but, as it turned out, that was completely unnecessary.

Because Jason was already whining for him with a stream of “please- I want more.” And how could Dick deny him? He worked another finger in alongside the first, marvelling at how easily Jason adapted. But then again, he seemed pretty relaxed by now.

“Tell me, Jay. How does it feel?” Dick whispered, leaning forward to press soft kisses to Jason’s neck. He had a sneaky suspicion that Jason’s neck was one of those zones Jason loved having touched. And he was proven right when Jason trembled against him before he could even answer.

“Good-” he pressed out “feels good…”

“Yeah?” 

“Yes-” Dick enjoyed it probably a bit too much, making Jason answer when it was clear he couldn’t really talk.

They had worked up to three fingers now and Jason couldn’t keep still anymore. He writhed on the bed, arching his back with every flick of Dick’s fingers. 

And maybe it was Dick taking sadistic pleasure in watching Jason squirm that he didn’t realise sooner but Jason suddenly scooted back, hand gripping Dick’s arm and stopping him. Dick was about to ask what was wrong when he saw Jason breathe hard and his nostrils flare. He must have been close, Dick thought. He should have seen the signs sooner.

It seemed to take forever before the tremor in Jason’s body subsided and his eyes re-opened. He looked at Dick then, with a hunger Dick had never seen before.

“Fuck me?” he asked, like it wasn’t a big deal, like he hadn’t just melted Dick’s brain. Without answering, he moved in on Jason, folding his legs back and lining himself up. He didn’t say a word when he pushed in, mind singularly focussed on Jason and nothing else.

“ _Shit_ -” Jason’s hands scrambled for something to hold onto and found Dick’s arms, grabbing him tightly. Dick didn’t let it deter himself, circling his hips and pushing in steadily. His head would explode any minute now with how tight Jason clamped down around him. He had to bite his lip to keep from thrusting in right away.

“ _Move_ ,” Jason mumbled after an eternity of Dick holding still.

“Thank fuck.” He felt more than heard Jason chuckle, the motion sending sparks of electricity down his spine. He still held back, just a little, trying to hit that spot, he knew would make Jason see stars. Jason’s chocked-up moan told him he had succeeded. Sweat was building on his back so much so that Jason’s hands slipped when they moved there. His own finger held onto the headboard while his right hand supported his weight on the bed. With Jason pulling him in hard, he had to fight off his own orgasm at every other thrust.

Gasping for air between his teeth, his hand sneaked around to take hold of Jason’s length again.

“No- _fuck_ \- Dickie, I’ll come…” Dick harrumphed at that, highly amused and strained at the same time. Like that wasn’t the end goal here. Like he wasn’t barely holding on just so that he could make Jason topple over first. Maybe blowing him hadn’t been a good idea. Dick had been so riled up already – by Jason’s moans and his writhing – that he was too close to coming now.

“I mean- it- I- can’t-” Jason’s words came out like a staccato, punctuated by each thrust of Dick’s hips.

“Good,” Dick forced out, feeling the muscles in his arm tremble with exertion.

“I want you to come, Jay…” he tried for seductive and hoped it would push Jason even closer.

“Fuck- fuck- fuck- you’re so-” but he didn’t finish the sentence, caught up in a moan that made Dick’s teeth clack together in an attempt to keep it together just a little longer.

“What?” he ground out “I’m so what?”

“So hot, Dickie- _fuck_ \- feels so good…” He threw his head back then, upper body thrashing in the sheets. 

“Yeah?” Dick breathed right against his neck, “then let me make you come.”

“I- I-” Dick pulled out all the stops now, lips closing around Jason’s pulse point where it was hammering fast against his skin, hand twisting on each upstroke like he knew Jason liked. 

“Come for me, Little Wing.” Jason whined, biting his lip so hard, he drew blood.

“Now,” Dick snapped, one second away from losing himself to the sensation. Jason’s eyes flew open, his back was forced into a beautiful arch, almost throwing Dick off. He clenched so tightly around Dick that he ripped Dick’s own orgasm from him. Jason’s hips twitched on their own accord, cock jerking in Dick’s grip. Dick’s eyes rolled back in his head, teeth buried deep where Jason’s neck met his shoulder. He shook above Jason until his arms gave out and he collapsed with a sigh.

“Okay there, Jay?” He wheezed even before he had gotten his breath back. Jason didn’t answer, lying motionless under him.

“Jay?” Dick forced himself to roll off and look at him.

“Jason, are you alright?” He couldn’t see Jason’s face, arm covering half of his face. Every so often, a tremor ran through him, almost shaking the bed with its force.

“ _Jason_ ,” he bit out, anxiety creeping up to a new level. The switch from cloud nine to this was sobering. He still hadn’t fully recovered from his orgasm but he knew something was wrong.

“Answer me,” he tried again, pulling gently at Jason’s arm.

“’m good.”

“What?”

“I’m good, Dick, don’t fret it.” But he didn’t sound like it. And he certainly didn’t look it.

“Did I hurt you?” The idea alone made bile rise in his throat.

“No.”

“But-”

“’t was a lot, ‘kay? I just need-” he heaved a sigh that came out rather wet “I need a minute.”

“You’re overwhelmed?” He knew the grin was blatantly obvious in his voice. But, in his defence, he was exhilarated and incredibly relieved to hear it. 

“Yeah.”

“Oh.” He may have sounded entirely too smug, seeing as Jason hit him on the arm and told him to “shut up.”

* * *

Only when Jason had finally gotten is breath back and they were both staring at the ceiling, sweat slowly drying on their skin, did Dick turn to him again. He had something heavy in his eyes, an emotion Jason couldn’t quite place.

“You heard me, didn’t you? Last night?” Everything inside him clenched painfully at the reminder. He didn’t know what had given him away or if Dick had just puzzled it out on his own, but he did not want to talk about that. 

“Huh?”

“Don’t pretend, please…” It was the plea that did him in. In truth, he had always been helpless when it came to Dick, so, he fiddled with the pillow before admitting “I didn’t want you to worry that I couldn’t sleep and when you started talking it was already too late.”

They remained silent for a while, only the sound of the air escaping their mouths audible between them. Jason couldn’t take it any longer, needing an answer “How did you know?”

“I didn’t know-” Dick muttered “I just- I hoped you would hear and at the same time, I was so afraid you would.”

“But how did you figure it out? What gave me away?”

“I actually thought about it all through breakfast…” Dick chuckled but it came out self-deprecatingly.

“With what conclusion?”

“Your body language was off,” Dick finally enlightened him, sounding almost apologetic at having noticed “I didn’t pick up on it last night because I wanted to ignore all the signs but this morning- you- you flinched when I made tea and the mug slipped out my hands- remember?” After a confirming nod from his side, Dick continued.

“It reminded me of last night- you tensed when I talked about what he did to you- how I couldn’t have looked at your body and remained sane- or as sane as I was back then.”

“You saw that?”

“No- well- I did but only this morning.”

Once more, silence settled. They both seemed to bite their tongues, afraid to disrupt whatever was between them. Until, suddenly Dick spoke up again.

“I meant it,” he said “it scares me how much I care for you.”

“I get that.” He hadn’t believed him, at first when Dick had said he cared for him just as much as Jason did in return. But now, after seeing Dick’s reaction to him getting hurt, it was another matter entirely. Maybe, this time they were on equal footing. 

“Yeah, I think I see that now.”

“What do you mean?” Dick had a contemplative expression on his face, eyebrows furrowed like he was in deep thought. 

“I still-” he breathed in shakily “I don’t condone killing. At all. You know that. But- for a second there- when you were-” Dick pulled at his hair, apparently annoyed by his inability to express himself. 

“When he had you, there was one moment where I could have killed him.”

Jason was quick to dismiss the idea. “You were tied to a fucking trapeze, Dickie, the only one you could have killed was yourself.”

“That’s not what I mean and you know it.”

He nodded softly, realising that Dick needed to talk this through with him. Although, why he thought Jason was a good partner for this specific conversation, he didn’t understand.

“It freaked me out,” Dick admitted, sounding horrified. Jason could barely take it. Of all the people in this world – even of all the people in their fucked-up family – he never wanted Dick to be the one to be pushed this far. Dick was too good for that. Maybe he shouldn’t put him on a pedestal like that but he couldn’t help it. Dick had always been someone he had looked up to.

“Nothing happened. You didn’t do it, Dickie.”

“But I would have. I- if he had killed you- I would have.” The determination in Dick’s voice was a little unnerving, like he was convinced that was what would have happened. 

“You don’t know that for sure.”

“I do.”

“Dick-”

“What if it happens again?”

“It won’t.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I know you Dickie,” he reached for him then, pulling at Dick’s hand until it rested in his own.

“I know you and you’re not- you’re not _that_. If it ever comes to that, you won’t do it. I don’t think- you’re not _capable_ of killing.”

Almost like an afterthought and with no small amount of effort, he added “not even him.”

“He almost had you.”

“I know. I was there.” His words could have come out less sharp but the memory still triggered him badly. 

“I looked away- you know?” Dick said it out of nowhere, confusing Jason even further.

“What?”

“When he did that to you- when you almost- when he almost killed you- I looked away because I couldn’t watch that- I couldn’t watch you die.”

“Good. I wouldn’t want you to watch that anyway.”

“I never thought-” another shaky inhale “I never thought about why you always said you couldn’t help it- that you _had_ to kill people. I never thought about it until then.” 

“And?”

“It made sense- suddenly- because I saw that he couldn’t be stopped, that there was no other way and I would have done it if I my hands had been free. I wanted him to pay- for all the things he said- for touching you- for hurting you- I could- I couldn’t _breathe_ anymore- it felt like everything that mattered- like the _only_ thing that mattered was killing him- making sure he would not come back.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why the hell are you apologising?”

“Because I never wanted you to understand.”

“What?”

“I never wanted you to be in a place where you would understand why I did what I did,” he squeezed Dick’s hand “I’d rather you never knew what that felt like.”

He took a deep breath, steeling himself “but it doesn’t change who you are, Dick. It just- you saw a glimpse of what I feel on the regular. It was just a glimpse, nothing more, okay? It doesn’t mean that you’ll ever feel like this again.”

“What if I do?” He wasn’t just scared, Jason realised, he was deeply – deathly – afraid. Of himself and what he would do if pushed like that again. A feeling, Jason was so overly familiar with, it hurt to even consider Dick could feel the same. 

“Then you’ll take a breath and force yourself to see through that haze, you know? Through that wall of hatred that makes your skin crawl and your fingers itch to hurt someone.”

“How do you live with that? How can you-” Dick didn’t finish his sentence but he didn’t have to. Jason heard the ending either way.

“Look in the mirror every day?”

“Yeah.”

“I focus on the good things we’ve- I’ve done,” he corrected himself “memories- happy ones. Of Alfie and B and Tim and Dami and you. I think about all those things that make this goddamn job worth it.”

“Does it work?”

He would have loved nothing more than to be able to say “yes” but he couldn’t lie to Dick.

“Not always.”

“But sometimes?” The hope in his eyes almost drowned Jason because it made Dick look so fragile, like one wrong word would shatter him. 

“Yeah. Sometimes,” he tried for a tentative smile “’s easier with you here.”

“Jay…”

“Just being honest,” he shrugged his shoulders “thought you might like to hear that.”

“You know- when- when I saw you were alive- I- it erased everything else- I- that feeling just vanished like it hadn’t even been there- like waking up from a trance.” Jason’s heart attempted to leap out of his chest at those words. It was the same for him. Not all the time, but there were days when thinking of Dick could calm him enough to stop him from going down that dangerous road again.

But Dick wasn’t finished.

“I just- you made me snap out of it.”

“You’re welcome,” he said because sarcasm was always safer than letting the emotions overwhelm him that were bubbling just underneath the surface. 

“You’re such an idiot.” Dick smiled at him with glassy eyes. It made that blue Jason loved so much shine brighter even in the darkness surrounding them. 

“I know,” he didn’t quite dare looking at him when mumbled “but yours, right?”

Silence followed his words and for a minute, he thought he had screwed it up when Dick’s lips suddenly clashed against his. The kiss felt like Dick wanted to mould them together as tightly as he could. It left Jason breathless and light headed.

“ _Yes_ ,” Dick whispered against him, “ _mine_.”  
  



End file.
